Poll: whom of the following has the nicest breasts...?
This poll is closed.
Bridget 16.67% 1 16.67%
Lisa 16.67% 1 16.67%
Caprice (what the hell is her surname??) 33.33% 2 33.33%
John 33.33% 2 33.33%
Total 6 vote(s) 100%
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A nightmare to Endemol
17-01-2005, 08:18 AM (This post was last modified: 17-01-2005 08:27 AM by Woodstock.)
Post: #1
A nightmare to Endemol

My God! - still sweating profusely, I've just awoken from the nightmare that would doubtless end all piggin' (I do love that word!) nightmares!

I don't wish to go into any more graphic detail than is necessary though I'll relate the following to you....

....I was in the CBB compound, and it appeared that I was all by my lonesome and all other celebs had gone. It was late night and I had retired to the large bedroom and as no-one else was there I opted to take Bez's top bunk. It was eerily silent and I had just managed to drift into slumber when I heard a noise in the adjacent bedroom (the one Jackie vacated) so I jumped down to investigate. Creeping gingerly towards the small room, I could here a voice chattering to itself. Shakily, I edged my hand forward to push open the door, all the while prepared to bolt if I didn't like what presented itself from inside the darkened room that awaited my curiosity. As I did so, I could gradually make out the utterances of the mysterious presence within....."Diet Coke Diet Coke Diet Coke Die....." IT WAS JOHN!!
He was sat upright on the waterbed. Except it was no longer a waterbed - it had transformed itself somehow into a dietcokebed......"Diet Coke Diet Coke Diet Coke Diet Co......." the murmerings continued relentlessly. Suddenly, as if this wasn't enough, John raised his head ever so slowly and directed his stare toward me. Never had I witnessed a pair of eyes that spoke such rage. To make the image worse, I noticed he was topless - HE HAD BREASTS! I bolted, like a hare that had caught sight of wildfire. As I did so, I heard John's footsteps behind me. Oh Christ he was giving chase. The room suddenly extended before me - like in one of the Freddy Krueger movies. He was too quick. Every stride I took was like four or five for him. My efforts to escape were futile. Now I could literally feel his hideous sideburns brushing against my cheeks. He was trying to race ahead of me, attempting to block my retreat. I was a matter of feet from the exit when the door slammed itself shut. I was done for, except.....suddenly my head had become encapsulated by a space helmet - not too dissimilar to the one Ripley wore in the Alien movie, and John's presence was no more. Disintigrated, to where I was not sure. The temperature in the room suddenly dropped dramatically. A white vapour rose from the floor around the room. It was at this moment I realized that this was the scene from the f***ing Alien movie. The drama of that one scene toward the end of the film was being played out right before my very eyes. Not only that, I was now themain character. I was Sgt Ripley, but still myself. Which meant only one thing. If I was Ripley......who and where on earth was the Alien creature? Very, very slowly I rotated my head to check my rear. In the darkness the vapour took on a luminous effect. I knew what was coming, it was a question of whether I could deal with what was going to reveal itself from the other end of the room. But I saw nothing. I collected my nerve and turned my whole body around 180 degrees. My breath must have sounded like Big Ben to the Thing that was monitoring my every move. (and we aint talking about the BB cameras here) Watching and waiting, cold and calculating, it's presence felt but not yet apparant. I made a token stride forward and as I did so, something lizard-like crawled from underneath one of the beds ahead of me and to my left. This was no gecko though - more like a f***ing Komodo dragon!. I was rooted to the very spot I stood. The creature let out a hideous noise - half growl, half incoherent speech and then rose to a two-footed stance like a grizzly poised to pounce on an an unsuspecting camper. At least the camper would have had the opportunity to flee into the woods. Where could I go? My exit closed off from me, I was thoroughly doomed. The creature was making a careful advance toward me. I still could not move. "Christ" I thought, as the power of speech was no longer a utility. As it edged closer to within a few feet of me I realized what this thing was. I suddenly realized who this thing was. "Oh sweet Jesus, Mary Mother of Joseph" I gargled.......it was Jackie Stallone!! But this time her lips were at the very least seven times larger and they covered her entire face.I realized with full horror that those things could engulf my face whole. She was going to devour me much the same as a python makes an easy meal of a rat. Then, just as those terrifying thoughts preyed on my mind, the vapour shrunk back into the floor, the lights switched back on and the following announcement bellowed out from a nearby speaker......"....could Jackie please make her way to the diary room...." I was saved. Saved by Big Brother.

That was my nightmare (no s**t....well maybe just an elaboration here and there......alright I made everything up from the space helmet part onwards)

Anyway, it inspired me to create a poll. Nothing beats a good old poll...

And just to be nice, I've let you vote twice!

I shall now try to resume with my sleep...
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17-01-2005, 08:24 AM
Post: #2
A nightmare to Endemol
Eat less cheese.

Bollox to potplants
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17-01-2005, 08:32 AM
Post: #3
A nightmare to Endemol
funny you should make such a suggestion, as I actually ate 10 Jacobs (forget about Joe Pasquale now...it's gone) Crackers with a very rich West Country cheddar cheese on top of each not long before I retired.

Never....never again...
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17-01-2005, 08:34 AM
Post: #4
A nightmare to Endemol
You see, my mother is always right!!

Bollox to potplants
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17-01-2005, 08:48 AM
Post: #5
A nightmare to Endemol
I had to go with John..........although I was torn between him and Brigitte......

I couldnt say hand on heart that Lisa or Caprice have a single incey wincey nice thing about them......I dont like these two one little bit!!!!

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time :pimp:[/FONT]
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