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Are you ever verbally hurt ?
17-11-2006, 09:48 AM
Post: #1
Are you ever verbally hurt ?

I didnt know what to call this thread - but have you ever been in a situation when someone will say something meaning for it to be 'funny' ..... and it isnt. It hurts you instead ?

Or have you asked for someone opinion on, say an outfit - and the response hurt ?

Last night this happened to Mr.B. He is very thick skinned, and he often gets comments about our age difference. But last night we went to our local pub which has just opened with a temporary landlord. This guy didnt know us from adam, but he was very OTT.

We walked in and he asked me if i always went out in the evenings with my father. He then told Mr.B that he would supply him with a zimmer frame to enable him to walk over to the darts board etc etc .. He probably said about 5 things regarding Mr.B's age.

I was stunned into silence to be honest. He was obviously looking for a response, but i couldnt say anything, and Mr.B just looked a little embaressed. Nothing more was said - but when we left the pub Mr.B (who loves everyone) said he felt very small, and old and inferior due to the comments. I felt for him, i really did. I love him no matter what the age difference is.

So has this sort of thing every happened to you ? A joke or a comment that hurt and you have to try and shrug it off ?

I'm not perfect, but im so close it scares me
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17-11-2006, 10:29 AM
Post: #2
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Yes, Bons. Unfortunately, some people think that everyone appreciates that kind of "humour". I don't get them quite so much now (a privilege of age, probably), but I have had loads of comments about my weight. And I wasn't even that fat, looking back.

This guy needs putting straight. If I were you, Bons, I would go up to him the next time you're in the pub, take him to one side and tell him he should curb his comments.
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17-11-2006, 10:36 AM
Post: #3
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Bonny, that is a terribly sad story and I think someone should have a word with Mr. Insensitive the landlord. He probably thinks of himself as the life and soul of the party a master of wit and repartee. He's obviously a pupil of the smartarse school and perhaps he needs to be educated in the college of life.
I don't know how old you or Mr.B are but you are obvioulsy in love, and how dare anyone cast aspersions on your relationship.:good:
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17-11-2006, 10:42 AM
Post: #4
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
That's really awful Bons and I can totally feel for Mr B. In our case Mr C is 6 years younger than me and although it's not a lot I am conscious of the fact that I'm an OAP and he's not.

I always hope that his mates aren't thinking "what's he doing with that old dear" Blush but deep down I hope that nobody notices the age difference. To have it rubbed in my face, even in a jokey way, would hurt me no end and I understand completely how Mr. B felt. Words fail me too regarding that plonker of a Landlord.

I've had the zimmer frame jokes (just regarding my age, not necessarily relating to the age difference) and the comments about "you have to be careful at your age" said with a wink and a nudge, etc. from younger members of the family and I do try to laugh it off but the joke wears a bit thin sometimes and I find it hard to keep on laughing.

I think all you can do is what you do already, just keep reassuring him that you love him because of his maturity and not inspite of it.
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17-11-2006, 11:04 AM
Post: #5
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Thanks guys. I did find the situation very surreal.

Luckily he is only a temporary manager, and he should be moving on in January. Lets hope he does, and he doesnt decide to buy the pub himself.

I think if he says anything remotely rude or inconsiderate again i will have to say something. Mr.B wont out of politeness, but i think i will have to stand my ground on his behalf.

He said a number of things to others too that were rude. They laughed it off .... but i could see that a few of them werent too happy and were just being polite. It wont be long though before someone points out that he is being OTT and perhaps should keep his distance a little (or give him a smack on the nose).

Another thing he said to me was "I'm glad you're with Mr. B tonight". I asked why, and he said "or i would have to chat you up". WTF :unsure:

Its strange because the previous landlord was a good friend, and he sometimes made risque jokes - but that was after becoming a friend and so we could give back as good as we got. It made the atmosphere fun and light hearted, but it took us a while to get to that point. This guy started after 2 minutes !!

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17-11-2006, 04:59 PM
Post: #6
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Eeeewwwww what a horrid little man Bonnie, next time you are in there pull him up and be personal about him, the cheeky fekker!!!!!

he sounds a bit over confident to me - and as we all know, confidence can be attractive, obviously not where he is concerned - you need a few sarcastic put downs for him - im sure we can come up with some if you need them chick :wink2: I can ask my guttersnipe sis, she is the queen of put downs :laugh:

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time :pimp:[/FONT]
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17-11-2006, 05:42 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2006 10:46 PM by Pandora.)
Post: #7
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Bonsai Wrote:I didnt know what to call this thread - but have you ever been in a situation when someone will say something meaning for it to be 'funny' ..... and it isnt. It hurts you instead ?

Or have you asked for someone opinion on, say an outfit - and the response hurt ?

Last night this happened to Mr.B. He is very thick skinned, and he often gets comments about our age difference. But last night we went to our local pub which has just opened with a temporary landlord. This guy didnt know us from adam, but he was very OTT.

We walked in and he asked me if i always went out in the evenings with my father. He then told Mr.B that he would supply him with a zimmer frame to enable him to walk over to the darts board etc etc .. He probably said about 5 things regarding Mr.B's age.

I was stunned into silence to be honest. He was obviously looking for a response, but i couldnt say anything, and Mr.B just looked a little embaressed. Nothing more was said - but when we left the pub Mr.B (who loves everyone) said he felt very small, and old and inferior due to the comments. I felt for him, i really did. I love him no matter what the age difference is.

So has this sort of thing every happened to you ? A joke or a comment that hurt and you have to try and shrug it off ?

Hello Bonsai,

What's your thoughts about the pub? Have you always liked it for its character and atmosphere, or is it just the most convenient and close to home?

The reason why I've brought this up is because new management can sometimes change a bar from a friendly likeable place to something that leaves a sour taste on the palate. If this is what is happening than sadly you and Mr B may be better off selecting a new regular.

On the other hand if nothing much has changed you still have friends in the bar and aquaintences, but the present management you found to be offensive than you should speak up and tell him you think he was out of order and ott.

If he fails to apologise and jokes on some more he is being a w **** r and maybe it is time to move on with your friends in tow.

BTW I have had this kind of treatment in the past when x boyfriends were always older than me, they would get asked if I was there daughter.

Maureen
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19-11-2006, 09:57 PM
Post: #8
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
I think that story is really sad. I feel awful for Mr B - there's no way he should be made to feel small and embarassed on a night out for no reason at all. This landlord sounds like a bit of a git.

I know how Mr B feels. I used to have a boyfriend who looked like a model and over time I got used to insensitive comments like "God, how did you manage to pull him". Most people didn't really mean such comments to be insulting, so I chose to take them as a compliment. But there was one time we were at a wedding, and my boyfriend got chatting to the brides father at the bar. When I joined him, my boyfriend introduced us and this man suddenly said to my boyfriend "You're a really good-looking lad - what are you doing going out with her". He said it in a jokey way so everyone laughed, but I felt absolutely mortified. It was a nasty comment to make (even in jest) and it wounded me. As much as anything else, I was hurt by the fact that it was so unnecessary and I couldn't understand why this man would want to humiliate me for no reason.

I think people who do these things are bullies. Anyone who gains pleasure in making another person feel bad is. And the best way to deal with bullies is to confront them. So, the next time it happens I would suggest that either you, or Mr B tell this landlord to leave it out. Nasty piece of work that he is.
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19-11-2006, 10:18 PM
Post: #9
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Bons, I think the landlord was very atrocious indeed!! I find that people have more of a chance of hurting me if a) it's highly embarassing, I don't really like to be singled out for that, b) it's someone I've thought highly of, c) or I'm stressed out or not. Peoples opinions really don't matter to me, but I find when certain values are lined up, I can be hurt. Does that make any sense??:surrender:

I guess I'm Cornish...:unsure:
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19-11-2006, 11:30 PM
Post: #10
Are you ever verbally hurt ?
Figaro Wrote:When I joined him, my boyfriend introduced us and this man suddenly said to my boyfriend "You're a really good-looking lad - what are you doing going out with her". He said it in a jokey way so everyone laughed, but I felt absolutely mortified. It was a nasty comment to make (even in jest) and it wounded me. As much as anything else, I was hurt by the fact that it was so unnecessary and I couldn't understand why this man would want to humiliate me for no reason.
I congratulate you Fig, on not bopping the cheeky basket on the nose. Isnt it strange that all the compliments in the world can never ever cancel out one vile, nasty comment made by some non-entity years/months/weeks back?
Id have been as mortified as you Figaro, had that been said to me, and very hurt.

I quite often get snide remarks when Im out with Mr Pandora. He is very olive skinned and is always being mistaken for being greek or italian on holiday or asian here at home. There have been a marked rise in racist comments toward me if Ive been out with him, since the Al-Qaeda attacks. Some girl hissed at me a few weeks ago, "Paki-lover" as I walked by her on the way to the loos in a pub. She didnt say it twice. :sly:

Trouble is, Im ready for comments like this and am like a rottweiler with toothache when they come, but comments like the ones Bonnie and Figaro had come out of the blue, and by the time we have our wits about us, the moment has gone and the perpetrator has got away with it....... :angry:

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