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"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
18-05-2005, 09:58 PM
Post: #1
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions

Your Bank is installing new "Drive-thru" cash point
machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility, the
following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure
that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and
remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.
>>
>>
>>
>> MALE PROCEDURE
>>
>>
>>
>> 1 Drive up to the cash machine
>>
>> 2 Wind down your car window
>>
>> 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN
>>
>> 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
>>
>> 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
>>
>> 6 Wind up window
>>
>> 7 Drive off
>>
>>
>>
>> FEMALE PROCEDURE
>>
>>
>>
>> 1 Drive up to cash machine
>>
>> 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window
>>to machine
>>
>> 3 Re-start the stalled engine
>>
>> 4 Wind down the window
>>
>> 5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger
>>seat to locate card
>>
>> 6 Turn the radio down
>>
>> 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
>>
>> 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due
>>to its excessive distance from the car
>>
>> 9 Insert card
>>
>> 10 Re-insert card the right way up
>>
>> 11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN
>>written on the inside back page
>>
>> 12 Enter PIN
>>
>> 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
>>
>> 14 Enter amount of cash required
>>
>> 15 Check make-up in rear view mirror
>>
>> 16 Retrieve cash and receipt
>>
>> 17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash
>>inside
>>
>> 18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
>>
>> 19 Re-check make-up again
>>
>> 20 Drive forwards 2 meters
>>
>> 21 Reverse back to cash machine
>>
>> 22 Retrieve card
>>
>> 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place
>>card into the slot provided
>>
>> 24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
>>
>> 25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
>>
>> 26 Smell burning - release handbrake :devil:

Haydon

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18-05-2005, 10:15 PM
Post: #2
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
lmao! so true!

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18-05-2005, 10:20 PM
Post: #3
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
  • Position car in queue about ¼ cm behind car in front
    [/font]
  • Realise car in front is better than yours and retreat to a respectful 12in distance
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Talk ostentatiously on mobile in the hopes that driver in front thinks you’re asking when the garage will have finished servicing your Jag.
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Tap impatiently on steering wheel
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Pick nose and examine the catch
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Check nostril hair in rearview mirror
  • Realise queue has moved and give ‘******’ signal to driver behind as he is in a lesser car than you.
  • Repeat steps 3 –10 until car reaches cash machine
  • Lift buttocks and remove card from hip pocket
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Place card in cash machine – NB if card is gold, or above, this must be done is such a way that the driver behind can see that you are tooled up.
  • Remove money and place in hip pocket with card
  • Rearrange genitalia
  • Gun car forward and rejoin main carriageway
  • Cast deprecating glance at woman who has skilfully braked to avoid tosser emerging from Drive-thru cash machine
  • Rearrange genitalia
[font=Arial]

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18-05-2005, 10:32 PM
Post: #4
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Ha ha Haydon.

Although when I used these drive thru machines in America, I think Fee's description was more accurate:w00t:

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18-05-2005, 10:57 PM
Post: #5
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Very funny :laugh:


But I have to agree that Fee's is far more realistic!
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19-05-2005, 07:13 AM
Post: #6
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Ooh I like Fees description, :laugh: :laugh:

Although Haydon - yours was funny too - just not as funny as Fees.
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19-05-2005, 10:26 AM
Post: #7
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Fee that is just pure sexist.

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Red"]Before criticising someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes...[/COLOR]
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19-05-2005, 10:56 AM
Post: #8
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Oh PJ - I didn't mean to be sexist; that would be horribly patronising!

If you're not sure what that last word means, you will find it in a dictionary (big book of words)

:laugh:

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19-05-2005, 11:13 AM
Post: #9
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
Both are brilliant (although I suspect Fifi's was original!!!!). Oh how true. :w00t:
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19-05-2005, 11:21 AM
Post: #10
"Drive-thru" cash machine instructions
lmao Fee!!!! Big Grin :laugh: and Haydon! tsk! tsk! such sexist twaddle! :glare:

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