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Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
02-12-2004, 01:12 PM
Post: #1
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!

How do you kill a circus?

Go straight for the juggler.


What goes oo?

A cow with no lips.


Why'd the blonde get sacked from the M&M factory?

She threw out all the W's.


anybody got any quick 2liners?
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02-12-2004, 01:57 PM
Post: #2
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
What do you call a man with a raincoat on?
Mac.

What do you call a man with 2 raincoats on?
Mac's

What do you call a man with 2 raincoats on and standing in by a church?
Mac's by graves:laugh:
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02-12-2004, 05:10 PM
Post: #3
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
what do you call a dear with no eyes?
no idea

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea

[Image: brendanx.jpg]
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11-12-2004, 08:31 PM
Post: #4
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

M

Intergalactic Space Cat

[Image: wildchild.jpg]
Home of Jimi, the Wild Child.
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11-12-2004, 11:08 PM
Post: #5
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
What do you call a dog with no ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.
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01-01-2005, 07:24 PM
Post: #6
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up and down and nipples sticking out in the cold.

His colleagues have kicked the **** out of him.


"While in my head time is collapsing and the currents run cold"
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01-01-2005, 07:25 PM
Post: #7
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
I am Dyslexia of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.


"While in my head time is collapsing and the currents run cold"
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01-01-2005, 07:26 PM
Post: #8
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
This story came from one of my friends who sells computers for Dell at a mall Kiosk.

This guy came up to him wanting him to show him how to set up all sorts of stuff on his laptop that he'd bought from there recently. After my friend had repeatedly told him that he couldn't help him and he should either read the manual or call the software vendor, the guy goes: "But you sell computers, you should help me."

My friend replies: "When you go to buy a car, do you ask the salesman to teach you how to drive?"

The guy replies: "No, but I do see how that is relevent, you shouldn't buy a car without knowing how to drive it."

My friend replied: "That's exactly my point."

The guy them stormed off, cursing at him under his breath.


"While in my head time is collapsing and the currents run cold"
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01-01-2005, 07:28 PM
Post: #9
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees:

There is no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters. They are less likely to be flirtatious. They need the work, or they would not be doing it. They still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It is always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset, the importance of time; the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they will keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they cannot shrug off harsh words the way men do.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women.
Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she will grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point cannot be stressed too much in keeping women happy.


"While in my head time is collapsing and the currents run cold"
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15-01-2005, 04:30 PM
Post: #10
Funny Jokes when you've had a few..!
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!

The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on, With her old wrinkled pair on show. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not appropriate .....

The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can shown off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."




"While in my head time is collapsing and the currents run cold"
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