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Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
03-05-2006, 06:12 PM
Post: #1
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.

Long post guys - sorry. But would appreciate advice.

Right here goes. As you know, I am graduating this year (exam results permitting, of course) for a few years now I have been saying to Miss PJ that I will probably be going a week's holiday somewhere during the summer after graduation with other people in my class - which she was fine about.
We had both also agreed that we would like to go away somewhere this summer just the two of us but we never did anything about and she said the other day that we probably wouldn't find anywhere now.

So anyway, today I got a call from two friends form uni who were in the travel agent getting prices etc so I went down just to see what was going on and basically it was for a week in Falaraki costing £309 - which was the best deal they'd seen. They had also wondered if Miss PJ would like to join us.
But let me paint the picture for you - it's not all guys, there are girls going too AND Miss PJ is very friendly with them also as she comes on a lot of night outs with us. She even texts some of them etc and they all love her. So they are her friends too, I suppose but obviously I am closer to them as I go to uni with them.

So, I thought that I would phone her after we'd been in the travel agents to see what she thought about it - I would totally understand if she didn't want to go away with me and 'my' friends but since we hadn't been looking and would probably not get another deal like that I wanted to know if she would be intrested in it because that way, we'd still be getting a holiday together.

But of course my phone went while I was in the travel agents and it was her. So I answered and she asked where I was and I told her I was in the travel agents with a few of my friends then before I could say anything she said "Oh I see, well I'll leave you to it then" and hung up.

I phoned her back when I left the travel agents and she started having a go at me saying that when both of us were talking about getting a holiday alone I didn't do anything about it but when my friends were arranging it I "couldn't get to the travel agent quick enough".

I of course explained that that was not the case and merely wanted to know if she'd be intrested in us going with all them so that we could at least get a holiday this summer - and explained that we could also spend time on our own too. But then came the whole "I bet you just told them all we'd go" and "It's obvious you want to go with all them anyway" and then the ultimate "You probably don't even want me there".

I do understand where she's coming from but at the same time, I would like to go away with my friends as it's probably the last time we'll ever get to do this together as we're all starting new jobs all over the country. However I also want to go away with Miss PJ too. So i though a good solution would be for us both to go away with my friends (remember it's not just a group of guys and they are her friends too - and they all really want her to come)

But she says she doesn't know if she would feel comfortable going with us and that she'd feel left-out (understandable but I guarantee she wouldn't be. She gets on with them all like a house on fire and loves them all). I told her it would good if we went but if she doesn't want to that I would rather leave it too so that I can go somewhere with her - because I really do want that. But apparantly this is "just typical of me".

Oh and also, my friends are all booking it tomorrow and the full amount has got to be paid tomorrow (but obviously I would pay hers as I sprung it on her at the last notice)

Was I out of order to suggest this or do you think she's just premenstrual? :unsure:

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03-05-2006, 06:21 PM
Post: #2
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Well, it sounds to me like you've been very diplomatic and genuine in your wanting her to go to.

I think it's important for your sake, and probably for the sake of your relationship, that you go with your friends, with our without Miss Peej. If you don't go, you may resent her for it. Or at least she may feel guilty and think that you resent her for it.

Why don't you just book a place for the 2 of you and present her with a fait accomplis? That we she will really know that you want her to go and you get to be with your mates, too. I think she may be feeling a little insecure and, yes, possibly pre-menstrual too. :laugh:
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03-05-2006, 06:23 PM
Post: #3
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Can you do this trip without her and in addition book a hol with her?

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03-05-2006, 06:27 PM
Post: #4
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Hello PJ,

I must admit I prefer group holidays to one to one. I have always felt more comfortable and safer with a gang of like minded crazy musical souls. But sometimes you really have got to consider your first holiday choice with the person you are having a relationship with. If I were you and my pocket could afford to do it, I think you should buy her a gift of flowers , a bottle of your favourite wine and offer to make the supper. You can always make up with some quality time together. also when you make yourself so amicable losing ones rag ,when someone is trying to say sorry becomes very difficult.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Sort your one to one holiday out asap. Maybe after the dinner you will have cooked. :bye:

Maureen
Northern angel.
Apologies I'm an old fashioned romantic bird.

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03-05-2006, 06:42 PM
Post: #5
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
survivorfan Wrote:Can you do this trip without her and in addition book a hol with her?
Sorry forgot to mention this. But no cos I don't have the money or the time during the summer for 2 holidays. However I am going to T in the Park with her this summer. But I don't think weekend in a tent at a music festival would count as a holiday.
So, basically, it's one or the other.

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03-05-2006, 07:01 PM
Post: #6
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Bit of a dicey one here mate. It could all have been avoided by one quick phone call to let her know what your mates were planning, but hindsight is a gift isn't it.

I can see both sides and another....I can see you wanting the time with your mates and wanting time with Miss Peej, I can see her wanting her time with you alone and really miffed at what you have done, innocently or not.

I think you have to give her the option of the decision - you both go with no promise of another holiday, but then again there is always next year...and the year after that....etc. Or you go without her and she respects that.

What you have to do is ask yourself what YOU really really want. If you see a future with Miss peej, then forgoing a holiday with mates shouldn't be such a bad thing, but if you don't ...it is.

However in the real world ....go with you mates alone, have a great time and make it up when you get home. Make sure you wear your dungaree's at the airport- they are a knock out.
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03-05-2006, 07:45 PM
Post: #7
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Tell her you hope to be spending all your holidays forever with her, but this is special because it's the end of uni etc etc. And you really want her to come with you on this one.

And, like ^^ she says, go anyway. You might find it's blown over by tomorrow anyway.

But there again, I wouldn't listen to any of us...

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04-05-2006, 12:39 AM
Post: #8
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Peej, going with your uni mates is a once in lifetime thing. As Fee and Cat pointed out, hopefully all the rest of your holidays will be spent with Ms. Peej. I'd explain this and hope for the best. Really and truly if she can't understand this and it causes a rift...maybe some re-assessing needs to be done on y'all's relationship. My hubby and I have been together since we were 18 and married at 19. He went off with his buds and I went off with my buds and to this day I take trips 'home' and he's been to Texas several times to see one of his best friends sans me. The guy even came in for a High School Reunion and hubby spent the weekend camping and stuff with them!! I went to visit but I came home. Of course, as Fee Fee says, do you really want OUR advice??? J/K...hope this helps and all works out. STAY AWAY FROM THE INCENSE IF NOT!!!!:w00t: xxoo msgirl (good vibes your way sweetie)

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04-05-2006, 10:00 AM
Post: #9
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
ooh that's a tricky one.Women! WHAT are they like.
I would DEFFO go on the hols with the gang from uni, it will be a once off and a fantastic way to end college life.What ever miss pj decides is up to her.She should know you well enough now to realize that you would never hurt her on purpose.Is there any way you could find the time or money for another holiday for just the two of you if she decides not to go with the gang?
Even a city break holiday..over a weekend or something?They are more expensive than package holidays all right, but you are going to be a dentist.
Threfore your future earning potential should help.
Never regret spending money on good times and holidays and spending time with those you love.
You will be long enough in the rat-race.
Keep us posted.
:-)

'Come away, oh human child, to the waters and the wild.With a fairy hand in hand...for the world is more full of weeping than you will understand.........'
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04-05-2006, 10:14 AM
Post: #10
Holiday/Relationship/Friends dilemma.
Oh dear PJ - the timing of that call from Miss PJ couldn't have been worse could it?

If I were you I'd be tempted to do as Patsy suggested and book the holiday for the 2 of you to go with you friends and tell her once you've booked it how much it means to you to have her come with you -- how do you think she'd react if you booked then then told her afterwards?

She's hurt at the moment cos she's thinking you wanted to go away with your friends more than her and you couldn't be bothered to make the effort to arrange a holiday for just the two of you. Once she's calmed down why not try having a chat and explaining how it really was?
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