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Hope You're OK Grouch!
04-01-2007, 04:51 PM (This post was last modified: 04-01-2007 05:04 PM by Patsy.)
Post: #1
Hope You're OK Grouch!

NEWS FLASH

A major hurricane (Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of yesterday with its epicentre in Brentwood.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell"

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Brentwood. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 - said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps

-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

-- Shell suits (female)

-- White sport socks

-- Rockport boots

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

-- Microwave meals

-- Tins of baked beans

-- Ice cream

-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

** Breaking news **

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked.

"ROMFORD," said the girl. "Woss that gotta do wiv you?"
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04-01-2007, 04:53 PM
Post: #2
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Blummin brilliant :w00t: I must send that to my parents ... who are in Billericay.

I'm not perfect, but im so close it scares me
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04-01-2007, 04:54 PM
Post: #3
Hope You're OK Grouch!
It was originally Basildon, but all Essex towns are the same, aren't they?
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04-01-2007, 04:56 PM
Post: #4
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Patsy Wrote:It was originally Basildon, but all Essex towns are the same, aren't they?
It still is Basildon :mellow: I think you forgot to change it to Brentwood :laugh:

And yes, Essex is Essex :nerd:

I'm not perfect, but im so close it scares me
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04-01-2007, 05:04 PM
Post: #5
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Psst - I've changed it. Delete your post quick.
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04-01-2007, 05:05 PM
Post: #6
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Patsy Wrote:Psst - I've changed it. Delete your post quick.
Too late......I saw your glaring mistake.....:assshake:
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04-01-2007, 05:27 PM
Post: #7
Hope You're OK Grouch!
And I can see your fat ar$e, now go and feed your family.

Love you.
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04-01-2007, 08:51 PM
Post: #8
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Patsy Wrote:It was originally Basildon, but all Essex towns are the same, aren't they?

Hmmm although Brentwood is in Essex, I will say that putting Romford in there is technically incorrect. Although Romford has an Essex address, it is not actually Essex.

And besides the earthquake was caused by Groucho falling out of bed.

"You cannot teach people anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves."
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04-01-2007, 10:58 PM
Post: #9
Hope You're OK Grouch!
Shouldn't this thread be in 'Avin a laugh with all the other really old jokes that have been around the block at least 100 times? Huh

"You can put lipstick on a pig...but it's still a pig!!!"
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04-01-2007, 11:10 PM
Post: #10
Hope You're OK Grouch!
You're right, my mistake. I didn't realise it was old, though. It's the first time I've seen it, but then again I am soooo much younger than you.
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