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Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
10-10-2005, 10:59 AM
Post: #1
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?

Just wondered what people's opinions were on this one -

A father leaves his wife after having an affair - he has 2 children, a daughter aged 7 and a son aged 2. He had always wanted a son and after he left he would still bring presents to the son but nothing for the daughter. The presents were returned to him and he was told that if wants to give presents he has to provide for both. Eventually there is no contact and no maintenance payments are paid, and he emigrates to Austrailia. The family grow up very happy and his ex-wife remarries. As time goes by the daughter meets someone she wants to marry and plans are put in place for the wedding. As they are still in contact with the grandparents on the father's side, they are invited to the wedding. This is where the father writes to say that as he is the father it is his right to give her away -

What do you think should happen?

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10-10-2005, 11:08 AM (This post was last modified: 10-10-2005 11:10 AM by survivorfan.)
Post: #2
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
I think the daughter should decide who she wants to give her away. She might want it to be her father as a way of patching up the relationship, or she might want it to be her stepfather, her mother, or a favourite uncle.

the father has no 'rights' in the matter though even though he thinks he does.

By the way, when Sandy and I married she was estranged from her father and her mum gave her away, which was unusual but very nice and it seemed right.

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10-10-2005, 11:25 AM
Post: #3
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
The daughter (who incidentally is my cousin and best friend) chose to have her step-father as she has known him since she was 10. The father was never invited to the wedding and the grandparents never came to it either. They were disappointed that my cousin made this decision, but it was when I told another friend of mine she agreed with the grandparents that provoked me to post this. My other friend claimed that no matter what the father had done that he did "have rights" and that he should have "the right" to walk his daughter (who he hadn't seen since 7) as no matter what he was still her father!

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10-10-2005, 11:34 AM
Post: #4
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
The grandparents acted in an awful way, snubbing her wedding, didn't they? They sound as bad as the father.

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10-10-2005, 11:43 AM
Post: #5
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
It's not the impregnating of a woman what makes a man a father, that takes what....2 minutes most?


No, it's the years of being there for him/her, worrying about them 24/7 - heck, you could go on forever with the listing, but you get the gist. It's those things that make a father, this girl knew that and chose wisely. By the sound of things she did exactly right too, not the most caring ex family are they?

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10-10-2005, 12:27 PM
Post: #6
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
Eternity Wrote:It's not the impregnating of a woman what makes a man a father, that takes what....2 minutes most?
As long as that? :shock:

I agree with SFan - it's up to the daughter who attends her wedding, and who gives her away. It sounds as if the father has behaved pretty badly in the past, and it sounds as if the grandparents were behaving very badly too.

I know a family in a similar situation. They're a lovely couple, but the guy walked out of his previous marriage (leaving three kids) when he met the woman who is now his wife. Unlike Bella's case this guy tried to stay in touch with his ex-family, however understandably there was a lot of bitterness on the part of his ex-wife. Two of his daughters got married in the last few years. One refused to allow him to the wedding full stop. The other allowed him to attend, but wouldn't allow him to give her away. As I recall the stresses got that much he didn't attend in the end. It was absolutely heartbreaking for him. But I guess he reaped what he sowed.

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10-10-2005, 12:28 PM
Post: #7
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
Well done her! I think she made the right decision.Rights go hand in hand with responsibilities, and her father gave up any rights to his daughters life when he walked off.He could easily have kept in touch, but he chose not to, for whatever reason.So he should stay on the outskirts of her life.
And those grandparents are just as bad! How can they disown their own grandchild.Boo!

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10-10-2005, 02:56 PM
Post: #8
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
mikado Wrote:I know a family in a similar situation. They're a lovely couple, but the guy walked out of his previous marriage (leaving three kids) when he met the woman who is now his wife. Unlike Bella's case this guy tried to stay in touch with his ex-family, however understandably there was a lot of bitterness on the part of his ex-wife. Two of his daughters got married in the last few years. One refused to allow him to the wedding full stop. The other allowed him to attend, but wouldn't allow him to give her away. As I recall the stresses got that much he didn't attend in the end. It was absolutely heartbreaking for him. But I guess he reaped what he sowed.

I think this where it can be unfair - the guy had an affair, yes I agree not the best thing to do but if he was unhappy in his marriage then there is no reason to stay. I don't know the reasons why this guy had an affair, so I suppose I can't really comment. What I can't understand.....well, I do actually, the woman scorned and all that, but what I can't understand is where does all the bitterness lead. The bitterness has obviously been passed down to the daughters from the mother. The father, in this case done wrong by his wife by having the affair and he wanted to keep in contact with his family but was not allowed to do because of the bitter ex-wife. I disagree that he reaped what he sowed. Why should he be denied being at his daughter's wedding just because he had an affair - imo, it was the ex-wife to blame for being so bitter.

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10-10-2005, 05:28 PM
Post: #9
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
bella, my mates daughter has the same dilema. Her father left them when she was a child and her mum met someone else and he has been their step father for over 15 years. Although the girls see their father, its only a couple of times a year as he lives down south. My friend has told her daughter to do whatever she wants as it's her day they will go along with whatever she decides, but she also told me that her partner (the step dad) is going to be gutted if she chooses her natural father as he sees himself as their father. Tough one.
From Emmas POV (the one getting married) i think she wants to ask her natural father as she feels that her step dad would be able to cope with the rejection better!
Having known the family a long time I think it would be a shame if the step dad didn't walk her down the isle as he has been a good father to her for most of her life.

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10-10-2005, 06:14 PM
Post: #10
Should an estranged father walk his daughter down the aisle?
Bob Wrote:bella, my mates daughter has the same dilema. Her father left them when she was a child and her mum met someone else and he has been their step father for over 15 years. Although the girls see their father, its only a couple of times a year as he lives down south. My friend has told her daughter to do whatever she wants as it's her day they will go along with whatever she decides, but she also told me that her partner (the step dad) is going to be gutted if she chooses her natural father as he sees himself as their father. Tough one.
From Emmas POV (the one getting married) i think she wants to ask her natural father as she feels that her step dad would be able to cope with the rejection better!
Having known the family a long time I think it would be a shame if the step dad didn't walk her down the isle as he has been a good father to her for most of her life.

This happened to my hubby. The difference was that he caught his wife with his best friend! He told her to choose and she chose his "friend".

My hubby walked away broken hearted, leaving his 4 yr old daughter and 6 year old son. He took nothing and asked for nothing. Just paid regular maintenance for the children and had them on "access" visits until they were well into their teens and could decide for themselves. The mother subsequently married his "best friend" and before long the children were referring to him as "Dad" which I know upset Mr C, but he didn't say anything.

When his daughter set the wedding date she asked me to tell him that she would be walking down the aisle with the step-father as she felt he had been more of a father to her!

Mr C was gutted but I think it was more the thought of watching the bloke who stole his wife, also leading his daughter down the aisle. From his daughter's point of view though she knew that she would upset one of them so do you upset your mum's husband who you see most or your real dad who you only pop in to see at Christmas and (sometimes birthday).

I admired Mr C for the way he handled it though. At first he said he would only go to the reception but then he said he didn't want to be nasty so he would go to the wedding.

I watched him proudly video her walking down the aisle and when she stood up to make a speech at the reception I prayed that she would say something nice about him but no, she thanked the step dad and her mum and even the caterers but never said a word about her real father. She did have a photograph with him outside the Church but that was all.

I know it hurt him badly but men hide their feelings better than us women.
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