Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Some sound advice needed
01-06-2005, 01:46 PM
Post: #1
Some sound advice needed

Now........where do I start? Bad news, for various reasons we have had to pull out of our house sale. Needless to say we are all devestated and Katie who is 7 is particulary upset. We are going to be giving her a room a complete make-over, it isn't going to take her mind off moving to a new house but we hope it will help.

The problem I have is that she is having problems at school with one girl in particular who is becoming a bone of contention. She is quite a manipulative little girl and last week it was another one of Katie's friend but she now appears to have moved onto Katie. She has called Katie a liar twice this week and told her that she didn't want her at her birthday party even though she has been invited. I know these are small issues but these issues have going on since nursery with the same little girl. The problem is her mum is very confrontational and believes that her children do nothing wrong even though she has been to the class teacher and the Head teacher on few occassions about both her children. I have had both her children in my house and by the time the leave I am reaching for the wine, gin and brandy bottle, they are quite simply uncontrollable. I am not saying that my children are perfect little angels but they do not behave like these children. Katie is just one of a handful of girls who have been reduced to tears by this little girl and I am quite annoyed at my daughter being called liar.

Do I just let it go and put it down to little girls just falling out or should I do something about and just take the wrap from the mother when she finds out that I have said something to the class teacher? One of the other mums has already approached the mum about something that her son had done her son and she was told in simple terms where to go and that her son should get himself a backbone, so approaching her and speaking to her about it isn't an issue. Katie is more sensitive this week with the house and everything and I am at a loss as to what I should do.

So, all you agony aunts out there, please give me your advice

TRINITY JEWELLERY - DESIGNS THAT STAND OUT
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 02:41 PM
Post: #2
Some sound advice needed
I really have a lot of sympathy for you Bella because I have exactly the same problem. My 9 year old has a "frenemy" who has been the bain of our lives since pre-school. He and his older brother, who was in my older son's class coincidentally, have always been trouble. My youngest is definitely no angel and can be a real handful, but he is not nasty or sly, just a "normal" little boy. He is very trusting and desperate to be liked. This means that he is easily taken advantage of and because of this and his strong sense of fair play, he is constantly upset by something this boy has either done or said. A few weeks ago, this boy even told another boy to smack mine around the face, which he promptly did. Unfortunately for them, my eldest had gone to pick him up from school and I was waiting for them in the car, which I don't usually do. They came out of the playground, told me what had happened, so I stormed in, had a go at both of them (not caring whether or not either parent was around, which of course they weren't) and then went up and spoke to the teacher. My eldest got his own back and tripped one of the boys up whilst he was running away and he hurt his arm.

Like the girls you talk about, these boys are totally disrespectful and disruptive and eat/act like pigs. I at least know that my 2 behave well for others, even if they play up for us.

We have said until we're blue in the face that he is not to have anything more to do with him and to keep away from him at school and why would he want to be friends with someone who treats him that way, but for some reason they have a fixation for eachother. It breaks your heart when they are so upset so often and it's so frustrating when you know that the other parent/s are uncooperative and, usually, thick enough to believe that their child does nothing wrong. I have tried in the past to have a sensible adult conversation with their mother, but her reaction was just "boys will be boys" and could not accept that her children did anything wrong. In the end, I told her what I thought of her and her kids and have never spoken to her since.

As a sort of consolation for us, the older brother is now at secondary school with my eldest and has very few friends, has been on the verge of being excluded several times and has been verbally and physically abused because of his actions. One time he insulted me to my son, so my son started to walk away, thought better of it and turned around and smacked him with his tennis racket! Thankfully with the strings and not the frame. I checked he was not on the school grounds when he did it and then congratulated him for sticking up for himself and me.

Kids can be such shytes and you wish you could be with yours all the time to protect them and it breaks your heart when they're so upset.
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 02:51 PM
Post: #3
Some sound advice needed
So sorry to hear about the house and Katie, girls can be terrible to one another. Sadly its obvious where the girl gets the attitude from.

As a teacher I would like to know, even if its a quite word after school, so that I could keep an extra eye on her. The school has a legal requirement to have an anti-bullying policy, but they tend to only be effective if the parent of the other child is willing to except that there cherub is at fault and work with the school to sort the problem.

I would avoid speaking to the other mother as it is likely to end in confrontation which will make things worse. I'm sure you have already talked to Katie about why it is wrong and to ignore it. Sadly unless its really bad that tends to be the best solution, to rise above it and let her move on to the next person.
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 02:57 PM
Post: #4
Some sound advice needed
Oh Bella I am sorry to hear that Kaite is having problems. I have had a similar episode with an older girl and my eldest boy. She seemed to think that it was ok to say things to him as he walked past and once pushed him into a metal peg in the cloakroom and hurt his shin. When I asked him if she did it to look big infront of her friends, he just replied she hasn't got any friends and that spoke volumes to me.
I would go to the class teacher and not bother with the parents if previous parents have not got anywhere don't waste you time or breath.
If the mother comes back at you directly you will have to stand your ground and let her spout and then just look at her and walk away, No reaction from you means she looks like the fool.

Hop eyou get this sorted soon....

xxx
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 02:59 PM
Post: #5
Some sound advice needed
Patsy Wrote:ILike the girls you talk about, these boys are totally disrespectful and disruptive and eat/act like pigs. I at least know that my 2 behave well for others, even if they play up for us.

We have said until we're blue in the face that he is not to have anything more to do with him and to keep away from him at school and why would he want to be friends with someone who treats him that way, but for some reason they have a fixation for eachother. It breaks your heart when they are so upset so often and it's so frustrating when you know that the other parent/s are uncooperative and, usually, thick enough to believe that their child does nothing wrong. I have tried in the past to have a sensible adult conversation with their mother, but her reaction was just "boys will be boys" and could not accept that her children did anything wrong. In the end, I told her what I thought of her and her kids and have never spoken to her since.

This is exactly the same with us, Patsy. This little girls appears to have everyone falling at her feet. They either play her game or nothing. Katie seems to have this kind of hero-worship for her. One day she doesn't want to be her friend the next she is her best friend but of late things are becoming more serious. We have had her round for tea and like you there is a lack of respect, she carries on and Katie takes her lead and acts the same, then the little brother comes round and kicks the football of the wall and the mother turns round to me and says "oh he is football mad"........err. excuse me but not in my house! "Frenemy" what a spot-on description.

The thing with this mother is that I have also known her since nursery and she is in the group of mums that go out together, although recently she has been extremely outspoken about things and it has caused an unpleasant feeling. In truth I am not surprised about the way her kids act as they probably take her lead, but it is an extremely touchy situation.

And like you Patsy, Katie can be a little madam with us, but I know that she will behave for others.

I don't want to make choices for her but how do you tell your children who to be friends with when they clearly have their heart set on being friends with them even though they are horrible to them.

TRINITY JEWELLERY - DESIGNS THAT STAND OUT
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 05:35 PM
Post: #6
Some sound advice needed
Oh Bella - I am so sorry for Katie having to put up with this sort of child! I know you have mentioned her before and she is the sort of child you just want to nip slyly!

I cannot offer any other advice than that of Becks - and Becks being a teacher is best placed to answer this sort of question. I have not experienced this before as a parent - but I can really imagine the tigress instincts coming out in you. Avoiding confronting the mother sounds like the best idea - and as Becks says the teacher is already probably aware, but it does not harm whatsoever to keep reinforcing the point.

My only other bit of advice - is to speak to the other Mum's tactfully about how they feel about this girl and what she does to their child/ren? If they feel the same as you - encourage them to speak to the teachers as well.

It seems obvious from your description of the Mum, where these children get their behaviour and attitudes from, and in many respects - you have to feel sorry for the children to have to live with a person like their mother. But it still does not excuse her behaviour [the childs tht is].

I know I am me and you are you - but I would stop my children from going anywhere near this child out of school hours. I know Katie wants to go - but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Thing is if Katie doesn't go to this childs party - and is able to avoid her out of school and have little to do with her at school, this girl will eventually cotton onto this. She won't like it and will try to get back in Katies good books. Not that you want this as an end result - but the balance of power and control has shifted from this girl to Katie - who then has the choice to do as she pleases.

I always cook with wine, and sometimes I actually put it in the food.
[Image: pot002.gif]


Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 07:11 PM
Post: #7
Some sound advice needed
As another teacher I tend to agree with Becks - usually when parents get involved it only makes matters worse - I have seen this happen (we have had some very confrontational parents!!)

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 09:10 PM
Post: #8
Some sound advice needed
You're not having a good week are you, poor thing. Sorry to hear you have one problem on top of another. If you had moved, would Katie have moved schools BTW?

Has she got any 'nice' friends who you could invite round for a surprise party or something? Maybe it would encourage her to make friends with other children without you having to tell her to drop her manipulative 'friend'.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
01-06-2005, 09:40 PM
Post: #9
Some sound advice needed
Aww Bella I really feel for you.

You want the best for you kids but you can't always be there to protect them.
Unfortunately not everyone has the same outlook as you do and there are people out there who do need, as Flip says a sly nip.
I tell my boys to try to ignore anyone who does anything nasty to them and then go on to tell them that in this world, even as grown ups, some people just don't seem nice and the best thing to do is go and play with someone who is doing something that you like.

As others have said, I would maybe have a word with the teacher, and they probably already know all about this child, and take it from there.

I hope things get sorted for you Bella :hug:

[Image: 429.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
02-06-2005, 02:37 PM
Post: #10
Some sound advice needed
I haven't hit this sort of thing with Mini G yet, but I remember in both infant and primary school being best friends with a girl who everyone used to want to be friends with and she used to play us all off against each other all the time. It seems there are always children like that.

I think the surprise party for Katie is a good idea and maybe if the girl hears about it she might realise why she wasn't asked and start behaving better.

Gel x
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Chocolate Fountain - Help Needed! Bella 6 948 16-11-2006 04:09 PM
Last Post: Bonsai
  ebay selling advice please survivorfan 10 3,720 13-11-2006 02:58 PM
Last Post: survivorfan
  Friend p*ssed off at me - advice please. PJ 18 1,830 26-09-2006 11:10 AM
Last Post: Coastie
  Dog Advice Andrea 20 2,681 01-09-2006 08:39 AM
Last Post: Critique
  PS2 repair help needed....... Patsy 6 893 27-05-2006 05:54 PM
Last Post: survivorfan
  Advice needed. bridge 21 1,867 24-05-2006 11:35 PM
Last Post: msgirl
  Cleaning help needed- cat hairs wicker Bob 13 1,586 19-05-2006 10:37 PM
Last Post: Andrea
  Advice Needed Bella 33 2,540 29-01-2006 03:09 PM
Last Post: Coastie
  Advice Please Buzz 10 1,123 28-01-2006 08:37 AM
Last Post: Coastie
  Advice please: Where can I put my parents? karenh 18 1,782 20-10-2005 05:24 PM
Last Post: Northern angel

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)