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The Jeremy Kyle Show
24-04-2006, 06:22 PM
Post: #1
The Jeremy Kyle Show

Has anyone ever watched this show?

For those not in the know its basically a Jerry Springer type programme featuring soap dodging pikeys with more love bites than teeth.


This morning I had a day off work. I tuned into The Jeremy Kyle Show to see the usual small caption running along the bottom of the TV. This week it read, "Im irrestible to women - Ive got a fiancee, but its not my fault that I stray!".....
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Oooh I thought, he'll be a right looker then.

On he comes, lumbering onto the stage wearing beige trousers and a beige waistcoat and a black shirt and lots and lots of bling, including three rings on one hand which wouldve made Jimmy Savile blush with the ostentatiousness of it all.

His long suffering fiancee was a nice 25 year old girl. He (apparently) is 43 and looked years older. He had a flat top crew cut haircut, shaved down to the skull on both sides, was a "die'ard Chelsea supporter" through and through and was either as pished as a**holes or had been in so many fights on the terraces that he was slightly braindamaged, such was the slurring of the speech.

He claimed that he charmed women into bed, personally I think 'chloroformed' them into bed was probably nearer the mark.

It was said that he frequently spoke to his fiancee at home like she was something off the bottom of his shoe and she'd had enough. He brought women home from the pub and sh**ged them on the floor of their living room, whether or not his fiancee happened to be in there, watching a film at the time... [Image: emdgust.gif]

His girlfriend told him that she loved him (!) but didnt like him anymore and wanted to leave and that she wasnt the silly litte girl he first met and didnt need him anymore.

When asked if he could treat her wih more respect, he hesitated & thought about things for five seconds (you could hear the cogs going round), and said, "I cud get rahhhnd that, yeh....." Jeremy, the show host, predictably laid into him at that point.

The truth finally came out that he had lost a friend who was like a brahhhhhvahhhhh to him (honestly I expected Peggy Mitchell to walk on at any moment), and that he hadnt recovered from the grief and hated everyone, so treated them like rubbish.

Some of the pearls of wisdom dripping from his lips were as follows:-

When asked by Jeremy why he wasnt more respectful or showed his fiancee more tenderness, he looked at his fiancee and said in a broad cockney/slightly braindamaged voice, "Look lav, I carnnnnn give you flahhhhs an arts an all that, I can elp you wiv yer tattoos and best place to gettem n everyfin, bat u arkkksinnnnnn too mach if u want flahhhhs n arts n shi'....."

When talking about his best mate who died he said, "He was my baby bravvahhhh, like an oldahhhh bravvvahhhh (obviously forgetting who was older than who), I lavved im, we wuz like the Kray twins we woz so close (slight pause) errmmm I know the Krays werent good bat yew no wot I mean..."

[FONT=comic sans ms]Unfortunately I didnt see the end of this as I then went out shopping but all I can think is that the women he 'charms' into bed (no doubt by telling them which is the best tattoo parlour to visit), obviously have the looks and personality of Lizzie Bardsley !!:laugh:

Liking the cut of your jib.........[Image: aniburns.gif]
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24-04-2006, 06:29 PM
Post: #2
The Jeremy Kyle Show
:laugh: ....... and breathe.

I always try to watch this when I'm off, Pan. I love a bit of car crash TV. The guests are the same whether you watch his show or Trisha or anything like that, but Jeremy Kyle's style is very judgemental and overbearing. Don't get me wrong, most of them need a good kick up the backside, but he says himself he's no expert and he likes the sound of his own voice. He's a bit too up himself for my liking. I much prefer Jerry Springer's laid back, cutting, sarcastic style.

Won't stop me watching it, though.
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25-04-2006, 08:29 AM
Post: #3
The Jeremy Kyle Show
I have seen this show a couple of times. If Mr.B is off work too - he hates morning TV so i dont tend to watch it. I only tune in if im off sick ... and what better program to cheer you up and make you feel 'normal' is the Jeremy Kyle Show.

I truly cant believe that some of the people on the show arent actors. I mean, do you personally know anyone like the them ? I dont Huh

I cant stand Jeremy's patronising tone, and the way he likes to cut the participants off mid flow to give them his pearl of wisdom.

I could truly slap him .... hard .... although he is kinda shaggable :pimp:

I'm not perfect, but im so close it scares me
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03-05-2006, 12:13 AM
Post: #4
The Jeremy Kyle Show
Patsy Wrote:Jeremy Kyle's style is very judgemental and overbearing. Don't get me wrong, most of them need a good kick up the backside, but he says himself he's no expert and he likes the sound of his own voice.

Okay, how do you do that...read people's minds i mean?

The guy is a, and i seldom use this word...tosser (of a tv presenter). I sincerely hope that one of these days he'll act big and butch in front of a guest who is capable of kung-fu'ing the two bouncer-type supervisor blokes in a couple of swift, deft blows and then concentrate all his his fury on Mr. Kyle himself...shame we'd never get to see it though - but we'd likely be able to read about it in the papers at the very least.

:sun: w o o d s t o c k:beer:
"I'm not a bird, I'm a festival!" :bored:
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03-05-2006, 01:21 AM
Post: #5
The Jeremy Kyle Show
I can't watch these types of progs any more. They give me high blood pressure Smile

They must all be brain damaged to go onto the show in the first place imho.

The only thing going for it is, as you say, that it does make ya feel very normal by comparison.
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