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Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
13-06-2006, 05:57 PM
Post: #1
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes

My two kids are into both of these, does anyone have a good tongue twister, and all 'a man walks into a bar and ...' jokes much appreciated, even the well known ones.

By the way my favourite tongue twister concerns someone who sees a bloke mending saucepans ...

"Are you copper-bottoming 'em my man?"
"No, I'm aluminiuming 'em."

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13-06-2006, 06:23 PM
Post: #2
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
The only one I know is the girl who walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one Blush

Kids round here are all doing the 'what d'you call a man who lies on the floor?' Mat; Man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

And so on.

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13-06-2006, 06:59 PM
Post: #3
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"


A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."


A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bartender here?"


A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."


An Englishman and Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and the bartender says " OK what`s the joke "
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13-06-2006, 07:04 PM
Post: #4
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.


How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


The Leith police dismisseth us.


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13-06-2006, 07:14 PM
Post: #5
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
A guy comes into a bar carrying jumpleads. The barman goes 'OK you can come in, but don't start anything'

Girl goes into a bar and hears a small voice saying 'you look nice today'; then another little voice says 'I like your dress' She can't see anyone, so she asks the barman who it is that's talking. The barman says 'Oh it's the peanuts. They're complimentary.

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13-06-2006, 07:17 PM
Post: #6
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"


Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"


A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"



A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says "that'll be £25
A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get many gorillas round these parts."
The gorilla replies "At these prices, you won't get many more, either!"


Two peanuts walked into a bar, and ... one was a-salted...
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13-06-2006, 07:25 PM
Post: #7
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
Scotsman walks into a bar with a steering wheel up his kilt. The barman asks why and the Scotsman says 'Ah dinnae ken laddie, but it's driving me nuts'

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14-06-2006, 04:12 AM
Post: #8
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
I went to the dam to get some dam water but the dam man said I couln't have any dam water.


get it...it's dam vs. d a m n :smartie:

I guess I'm Cornish...:unsure:
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14-06-2006, 11:54 AM
Post: #9
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
These two dyslexics walk into a bra..........

'Come away, oh human child, to the waters and the wild.With a fairy hand in hand...for the world is more full of weeping than you will understand.........'
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14-06-2006, 11:58 AM
Post: #10
Tongue Twisters and Bar Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says "ouch, who put that there?"
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