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What to do?
16-06-2005, 02:01 PM
Post: #1
What to do?

I'm in a bit of a predicament in the fact that I have a friend who lives about five doors down from me and basically her husband is an animal. Anyway I always bump into him whilst walking Jamie to school and he makes me feel very uncomfortable with making comments such as if you sunbathe topless in the garden today (which I don't) let me know and I'll get my binoculars out. Or things like you look a bit stressed, if you need a massage then come down to my house as I'm not working today. I just laugh these off most of the time, but today I'm a bit worried and this is why.

We were walking home. My neighbour fosters children and a grandad of one of the babies was there to pick the baby up. He parked across the pavement, which of course he is not supposed to. Anyway, my friend's husband went into one as we were approaching and said he was going to have a word. My friend's husband is a very aggressive bloke. He approached the grandad, I went straight into my house as I didn't want to be involved. He started effing and blinding at him and next thing I know he was in the grandad's face, pushing him and the grandad threw a punch at him. To cut a long story short, both of them ended up in A&E.

My problem is, is that my friend's husband wants me to be a witness for him as the other guy is going to report it to the Police. Thing is, I know what I saw and I know he was the aggressive party in this. My problem is is that this guy intimidates me big time, but I wouldn't lie if I was asked. So I'm in a bit of a pickle because I am dead scared of this guy and what he might do if I went against him.

Help!

"You cannot teach people anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves."
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16-06-2005, 02:28 PM
Post: #2
What to do?
Oh, Tigger, I'm sorry you're scared, love.

From the details you give here, I'd say it was six of one and half a dozen of the other, regarding the actual aggression and violence. I mean, you say the neighbour was in the grandad's face, pushing, and that the grandad threw the first punch. That sounds to me like a fight, rather than an assault, so I'm sure each party would like to have you as a friendly witness onside to carry the argument his way.

But sod 'em. You went indoors, didn't you? Didn't see a thing, guv. In your situation, that's what I would say.

Hope it all turns out okay for you, Tigger. Thinking of you. :hug:
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16-06-2005, 02:32 PM
Post: #3
What to do?
Tiggs...my only advice to you is..if the police do ask you for a statement you stict rigidly to the facts of what you did see. Do not mention any thing about the way you were feeling at the time or your opinion of either man. Stick to just what you saw. Explain it like an simply form:

Who
What
Where
When
How

Make notes now..write out a statement as you saw it just for yourself....remember to keep emotion out of it.

You can never be judged for telling the facts but can get into a hell of a lot of trouble for not telling the truth.

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16-06-2005, 03:46 PM
Post: #4
What to do?
I would have to agree with both of the above. If they know you saw something follow Coasties advice and if they don't know follow Dabs.

Aggression never solves anything so they are both in the wrong and neither one deserves your loyalty.
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16-06-2005, 04:59 PM
Post: #5
What to do?
If you don't mind my saying so Tiggs it sounds to me that the problem is not so much you neighbour's behaviour as your difficulty in handling it. Strikes me that like lots of people you might find it difficult to say what you'd really like to say through fear of causing some kind of upset. Most areas offer evening classes in assertiveness (some specially designed for women) - might you benefit from something along those lines?

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16-06-2005, 05:14 PM
Post: #6
What to do?
The problem is SF, if he was a rational person, I would have no problem in handling it. I consider myself an assertive person, unless I am against someone who I know will threaten violence. I am more concerned of the repurcussions from him. It is the violent, aggressive side of him that I am worried about. I think anyone in the same situation would feel worried.

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16-06-2005, 05:17 PM (This post was last modified: 16-06-2005 05:22 PM by survivorfan.)
Post: #7
What to do?
OK, but does the same thing apply to the suggestive comments which are also bothering you, do you feel unable to tell him that they upset you and you'd like him to stop?

edited to add - re his request that you be his witness, if you don't want to get involved you could say you didn't see everything that happened as you'd gone inside your house.

Oh! Just noticed dab already suggested that - sorry Dab.

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16-06-2005, 05:37 PM
Post: #8
What to do?
Tiggs my advice would be exactly the same as Coasties. The chances are that this fella will tell the police that you witnessed the assault/fight, if they are involved - so the likelihood is that they may come calling.

Stick absolutely to everything you saw with your own eyes. It is easy to imagine what may have happened when you have previous experience of someone - but stick to the facts. Like Coastie says no-one can be 'got at' for telling the truth.

There may have been other witnesses who will be interviewed. Don't be scared of any repurcussions Tiggs, you have truth and honesty on your side.

If you are seriously concerned, you could ask for a female officer, or you could voice your concerns to the police re: his subsequent behaviour. In which case they could and may treat your eyewitness testimony with caution.

And I am sorry to hear you are having problems with this man/mouse is such an intimidating bully - who just happens to be married to your friend/neighbour.

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16-06-2005, 06:16 PM
Post: #9
What to do?
survivorfan Wrote:OK, but does the same thing apply to the suggestive comments which are also bothering you, do you feel unable to tell him that they upset you and you'd like him to stop?


Before today SF, I suppose I kind of hoped that he was joking about the suggestive comments. The same with his aggressive comments, I thought maybe his not as tough as he made himself out to be.

It's just today confirmed to me that he is not just talk, and means what he says. I will be treating him very differently from now on.

I did see the fight, and they know that I saw it. I can only tell the truth. I will take your words in Flip, and see if I can get the Police to understand where I am coming from.

"You cannot teach people anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves."
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16-06-2005, 06:40 PM
Post: #10
What to do?
God, what a horrid situation Tiggs.

I think Coastie/Flip both give good advice. If you are called upon by the Police to give your version of events, state the facts in an unemotional way and leave it at that. As Dab says, neither party seems exactly blameless - neighbour man started it, but Grandad threw the first punch!

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