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Would you stay?
08-07-2006, 01:16 PM
Post: #1
Would you stay?

After reading some of Coastie's comments in the Ted Bundy thread, it got me thinking about abusive relationships. Would you stay if someone was physically abusing you? If so, why? If not, why? What about if someone was verbally abusing you?

Answers on a postcard please. Wink

"You cannot teach people anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves."
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08-07-2006, 03:30 PM
Post: #2
Would you stay?
It wasn't physical abuse, it was control. He never did anything that wasn't in HIS best interests, and he never understood that. He was manipulative and believed his own mantra.

So I left.
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08-07-2006, 04:03 PM
Post: #3
Would you stay?
I think it very much depends on how low your self esteem has sunk as a result of any sort of abuse. If someone says something to you enough times, I guess you'll start to believe it. That's how they control you.
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08-07-2006, 05:20 PM
Post: #4
Would you stay?
What If They don't hit you and don't verbally abuse you
but they ignor you and have one night stands is that just as bad

[b][i]Life is not that long [Image: 36_1_12.gif]
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08-07-2006, 05:31 PM
Post: #5
Would you stay?
At what stage do you realise that your relationship is abusive?

Everyone would like to think that they would walk away the moment a relationship became abusive in any way, but how would you tell?

Every couple argues. They shout and scream at each other, they insult and accuse. Some people chuck things at their partner in frustration. Is that abuse?

Most people try to "control" their partner too. They set standards for what is acceptable to them and what is not (e.g. once a week out on the lash alone is OK provided you come home. Most nights of the week is really not OK, no matter what you did before you met me!). Is this manipulative abuse?

I think most people genuinely would leave if they knew that their relationship was abusive in any way. The trick is recognising when the relationship has moved outside the boundaries of normalcy, and into the realms of abuse.
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08-07-2006, 07:07 PM
Post: #6
Would you stay?
Figaro Wrote:At what stage do you realise that your relationship is abusive?

Everyone would like to think that they would walk away the moment a relationship became abusive in any way, but how would you tell?

Every couple argues. They shout and scream at each other, they insult and accuse. Some people chuck things at their partner in frustration. Is that abuse?

Most people try to "control" their partner too. They set standards for what is acceptable to them and what is not (e.g. once a week out on the lash alone is OK provided you come home. Most nights of the week is really not OK, no matter what you did before you met me!). Is this manipulative abuse?

I think most people genuinely would leave if they knew that their relationship was abusive in any way. The trick is recognising when the relationship has moved outside the boundaries of normalcy, and into the realms of abuse.


Whats normal ? Thats the thing

some men belive in the treat the mean keep them keen and on some woman it works because they like it
is that normal

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09-07-2006, 05:48 PM
Post: #7
Would you stay?
Figaro Wrote:At what stage do you realise that your relationship is abusive?

Everyone would like to think that they would walk away the moment a relationship became abusive in any way, but how would you tell?

Every couple argues. They shout and scream at each other, they insult and accuse. Some people chuck things at their partner in frustration. Is that abuse?

Most people try to "control" their partner too. They set standards for what is acceptable to them and what is not (e.g. once a week out on the lash alone is OK provided you come home. Most nights of the week is really not OK, no matter what you did before you met me!). Is this manipulative abuse?

I think most people genuinely would leave if they knew that their relationship was abusive in any way. The trick is recognising when the relationship has moved outside the boundaries of normalcy, and into the realms of abuse.

I'd prefer to look at the definition of abuse. Is regular violence accepted in a relationship if so why? Some women and indeed men tolerate violence from there partners as if it were normal. The continuation of this violence from childhood home and to marriage or a relationship seems to self perpetuate.
Someone said to me once there are no ladies of any self respect in a ladies refuge, they are all rough and ready.So you think that's a bit to judgemental isn't it, does someone think they deserved it?

So you visit one because a friend of yours has been married for 15 years to a man who regularly beats her up after having a drink. The women sit in the lounge with there children and you know, I think thank God theres somewhere for them to go. Thank god they could see some sense, and they've terminated an abusive realtionship. There is some light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't think abuse and control are one and the same. Manipulation or the exercise of persuasion can be a negative or positive factor in a relationship. It is not so long ago that Mr M, took one look at a dress I was wearing, decided it wasn't decent encouraged me to go home and change. That dress is now a skirt.

Maureen
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09-07-2006, 05:53 PM
Post: #8
Would you stay?
Cockney Wrote:Whats normal ? Thats the thing

Good question. Each person perception of "normal" might be different.

Cockney Wrote:some men belive in the treat the mean keep them keen and on some woman it works because they like it
is that normal

Well yeah to them it would be. But then, its not abuse if both couples actually like it, is it?

It would only be abuse if the man was playing the "treat them mean" game, and the woman was actually suffering because of it.

Physical abuse is obvious. Its the mental abuse which is harder to spot.
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09-07-2006, 07:17 PM
Post: #9
Would you stay?
Cockney Wrote:What If They don't hit you and don't verbally abuse you
but they ignor you and have one night stands is that just as bad

yes i think so, because it's still de-valueing you as a person.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.
Benjamin Disraeli


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09-07-2006, 07:18 PM
Post: #10
Would you stay?
i would never put up with someone abusing me wether it be verbal or physical, you have to have some self worth or you have nothing.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.
Benjamin Disraeli


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