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Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
10-10-2005, 10:54 AM
Post: #1
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?

Following on from a question that Seabreeze posted on the Question/Answer thread - If you found out that a partner of a friend or relative was having an affair would you tell them or say nothing?

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10-10-2005, 11:02 AM
Post: #2
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
Bella Wrote:Following on from a question that Seabreeze posted on the Question/Answer thread - If you found out that a partner of a friend or relative was having an affair would you tell them or say nothing?

is it a gay affair

maybe with an alcoholic?

I think that one is better to keep out of things like that.

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10-10-2005, 11:14 AM
Post: #3
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
I think the answer is 'it all depends'. Whatever you do has to do more good than harm, otherwise don't do anything.

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10-10-2005, 11:27 AM
Post: #4
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
I've had my fingers burnt in this situation in the past. I discovered that the boyfriend of a fairly good friend of mine was playing away (I saw him at a nightclub). He was also a fairly good friend, promised me that it was a one off and begged me not to say anything. So I didn't.

She found out about a year later (it wasn't a one off - it was a full blown affair that was still going on). She also discovered that I knew and hadn't told her. End of her relationship and end of our friendship. She hated me for keeping it from her and as far as I know, still does!

Would I do things differently now? I dunno. Like SF says, it depends. It depends on the circumstances, the people involved and whether telling or keeping schtum is, in your opinion, the best course of action. Ultimately though, I'd prefer not to know!

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10-10-2005, 11:44 AM
Post: #5
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
I think in a situation like this you are damned if you do and damned if you dont!
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10-10-2005, 05:15 PM
Post: #6
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
gosh - moral dilemmas!!

I do know someone who isn't having an affair as such, but puts it about an awful lot, and fairly indiscriminately. And I know that neither are particulary happy with each other, well they have 'phases'. They have lots of children and stay together for the sake of - but I don't think she knows about his misdemeanours?

There is no way would I tell her.

I always think that the old saying 'shoot the messenger' is apt in these circumstances.

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30-12-2005, 02:18 AM
Post: #7
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
Flip sums it up nicely, Shoot the messenger.

The bringer of bad news is often seen as being nosey, and in the event of something going wrong either way, may be regarded as an enemy and hence the term shoot the messenger or the moral dilemma of being damned if you do or damned if you don't.

One of a number of dilemmas exist if it happens to yourself.

When is it ever the right time to call something off? (No time is ever right )

Will my affiliation end amicably? (May do, could also be violent, especially if violent or aggressive incidents have taken place already.Brian and I have had one big argument and he has hit me once already, once is to often, so I will be pleased)

Will I feel guilty, will I feel relieved? (Had he stayed married yes.They did not divorce because of me, Brians wife had applied for divorce some two months before Brian began seeing me, but Brian in the first 5 months didn't tell me he was married at all.) Its so easy to start an affair and not know thats what it is.

What will the penalties be to either party involved? (lLoss of company, loss of trust, everyone feels something or should, in my case Brians EX- wife wishes anyone the best of luck as domestic violence and non compatibility were the stated reasons for the granting of Decree Nisi.)

Another question;- How the hell did this happen, or Why did I let it get this far? (Human infallibility, being gullible, not seeing the way forward, and being complacent, fear of something happening to you or yours.)

Etc just to name a few.

These are questions I will be facing myself in the middle of January 2006.
Having been given a relaxed ultimatum by the young man in my life to finish with Brian, who I have been with for 2 and a half years.
(Relaxed because christmas is fraught with sad memories.)

Having said all of this most people who know there partners well enough, will suspect something if a behavourial pattern develops that is different, your goose is then most definitely cooked. If confirmed the injured party could well feel that some b - - - - - d cow is to blame. Who knows what a scorned person might then do.! In my case its Brian I've got to be careful of.

Maureen
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30-12-2005, 09:07 AM
Post: #8
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
It depends how I think my friend would handle the news. If the partner was making a fool of her then I would probably tell her/him just in case they wanted to think out a plan of action, but most of the time what you don't know can't hurt you, but sometimes finding out a long time after can hurt more and make a mockery of the past and memories seem false.
I always think if you are going to have an affair at least have the consideration not to get caught, you have to cover your tracks 100%.
Flings are different, people hardly ever take care and get caught easily and its mostly just about sex.
I think long standing affairs at least prove that the people do at least love each other. Sometimes it's not easy just to love one person.

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30-12-2005, 10:50 AM
Post: #9
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
Nope I don't think I would tell, but I would make sure I let the partner knew that I knew, in the hope that being faced with the prospect of being found out, they might re-evaluate the situation.


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30-12-2005, 10:52 AM
Post: #10
Would you tell a friend if their partner was having an affair?
floopy Wrote:Nope I don't think I would tell, but I would make sure I let the partner knew that I knew, in the hope that being faced with the prospect of being found out, they might re-evaluate the situation.

Ooh good move. Liking the intimidation idea...
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