ils
10-03-2005, 02:50 PM
The commandments of manhood!
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth
Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth
Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.