Right, some of the finest minds on the internet are gathered here in this venerable place, so I thought we could put our minds to the mysteries of the univers, and possibly find solutions to them.

Cockneyand I have already made a start on the first one.

Why does toast always land butter-side down?

My answer was this:

Toast is easy, the increase of the weight of the butter on the uppermost side of the bread, makes the weight balance of the bread favour the buttered side - in a downwards falling scenario. The gravitational pull of the slice is similar to that of, say, a fishing weight, where the heavier end will always fall first, with the feather following along afterwards.

happy to help.

Cockney's reply was as follows:

You would think so but

The butter soaks in to the bread the weight of the butter is evenly distributed in the bread

The effects of gravitational forces are much too small to make any difference on the outcome

Compared to the huge effects of the air on the aerodynamics of the bread which cause it to spin and turn and flip on its way down to the floor .
of course if you were on the moon with no air what you said would be true .

Your thoughts please, ladies and gentlemen. Plus any other eternal questions you would like to put to the board.

Why do ants always turn up at a picnic http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_6_1.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm22755GB)

You would think so but

1. The butter soaks in to the bread the weight of the butter is evenly distributed in the bread

The effects of gravitational forces are much too small to make any difference on the outcome

Compared to the huge effects of the air on the aerodynamics of the bread which cause it to spin and turn and flip on its way down to the floor .</FONT>
of course if you were on the moon with no air what you said would be true .


Point 1. The butter is not evenly distributed, as it does not soak through to the other side, it gets about half way then stops, even the amount of butter you use!

Point 2. If I were on the moon, surely the bread would float away into space, and not fall at all?

Re the toast, I think that usually when a piece of toats falls onto the floor it's because someone has knocked it off a plate table or work surface. What probably happens is as the toast slips off and starts to fall it slowly rotates. Most tables and work surfaces are the kind of height off the floor that means the toast will make about half a revolution, and because it was butter side up to start with it'll end up face down.

I think if you dropped the toast from a much greater height eg from the top of the Post Office Tower, you'd find it would regulary land butter side up.

floopy]Point 1. The butter is not evenly distributed, as it does not soak through to the other side, it gets about half way then stops, even the amount of butter you use!

the effect of gravity is still to small to make a differance

Point 2. If I were on the moon, surely the bread would float away into space, and not fall at all?

The gravity on the moon is 1/8th of that of Earth



On one of the moon landings one of the crew

Dropped a hammer and a feather from the same height at the same time and they both hit the floor together

Does anyone work in a high building, who can test SF's theory for us?

On one of the moon landings one of the crew

Dropped a hammer and a feather from the same height at the same time and they both hit the floor together

Which way up though?

Re the toast, I think that usually when a piece of toats falls onto the floor it's because someone has knocked it off a plate table or work surface. What probably happens is as the toast slips off and starts to fall it slowly rotates. Most tables and work surfaces are the kind of height off the floor that means the toast will make about half a revolution, and because it was butter side up to start with it'll end up face down.

I think if you dropped the toast from a much greater height eg from the top of the Post Office Tower, you'd find it would regulary land butter side up.

O that makes a lot of sense to me

I think your right SF

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_4_57.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm22755GB)

Ok Why do clouds move across the sky faster at night than they do during the

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/28/28_2_1.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm22755GB) ............................................. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/28/28_2_8v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm22755GB)

On one of the moon landings one of the crew

Dropped a hammer and a feather from the same height at the same time and they both hit the floor together

Oh hang on, that only proves a hammer and a feather will hit the floor on the moon. They didn't drop a piece of toast did they?

Oh hang on, that only proves a hammer and a feather will hit the floor on the moon. They didn't drop a piece of toast did they?

I just put it in to prove that there was no air and that there was gravity

Does anyone work in a high building, who can test SF's theory for us?

I am prepared to drop a piece of toast out of my bedroom window and tell you what happens.

I am prepared to drop a piece of toast out of my bedroom window and tell you what happens.

Go for it SF

OK - for the scientifically minded it'll be Hovis Granary (medium) plus Lurpak 'spreadable'.

and unless the hammer and feather were buttered, your analogy is spurious, my dear Mr Cockney

Why do ants always turn up at a picnic http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_6_1.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm22755GB)

The ants were already there. You , in fact, were the one that turned up offering free food. They'd be silly not to.

It landed butter side down.

Well Well Well

did it spin or turn at all?

or did it go butterd side down all the way?

we need a bigger building!!!

Well Well Well

did it spin or turn at all?

or did it go butterd side down all the way?

It floated to and fro a bit like a falling leaf, and turned over one and a half times.

I have an oatcake and a tub of Philadelphia, I'm very tempted to chuck it off the year 7 block roof :w00t:

Well see if it was gravity affecting it

It would have gone down buttered side down all the way

Go on then - it'll make the experiment twice as accurate if two of us do it.

I work on the 11th floor of a building, but have no access to toast or other bread products. If someone can butter some toast and drop it in to Woolwich, I will happily throw it out of the window.

However I have to probe this experiment with the fine tuning of my discerning scientific mind:


What way up was the toast when you dropped it?
In fact was the toast sideways? What was the angle? Was the toast dropped whilst being eaten, or en route from plate to mouth?
Was the dropper right or left handed?
Has the experiment been tried with olive oil spread, margarine, jam and marmalade?
Does it work the same for crusty bread, brown and white, or has it just been conducted with plain old white prepacked sliced?
Does the same hold true for other buttered bread related products such as crumpets, waffles etc?

I think Ceri's right, we need to consider a wide range of variables and devise a comprehensive testing schedule. I nominate Floopy for this task.

My question is: Why is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

I'm afraid I finish work tomorrow for 2 weeks, so I won't have access to any rooftops or high buildings, otherwise I'd jump at the chnace, obviously.

Ceri seems the natural choice, due to her high building situation, IMO.

My question is: Why is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

I put it to you that the grass on the other side of the fence might appear greener, but this in only due to the fact that it is in the shade of the fence, and therefore not subject to the yellowing effects of sunlight directly on it.

Ask you neighbour for permission to stand in his garden to observe the phenomenon.

The grass may also be greener because your neighbour either (a) has recently laid some new turf; (b) because he is a better gardener than you; or (c) because he has used a proprietary gardening product such as "Top Lawn" to enhance the general appearance of the grass.

The same effect can also be observed if you do not, in fact, have a lawn yourself, but merely a paved area or decking.

Another explanation might be that even if you have a big lawn, your side of the fence has a lot less grass in it than the other side of the fence (which includes everything in the universe other than your garden) so the chance of finding greener grass than yours on the other side is very high.

Another explanation might be that you keep walking and trampling on your grass in an attempt to peer over the fence and look at your neighbour's grass.

The truth is that colours are darker the further away they are



And you can’t see the dog s*it

Can someone possibly answer this mystery for me....

There are only three living things in my house - me, Mr C, and my cat, Smurf.

Quite often I find toothpaste splats all over the bathroom mirror.

I stand a good six feet away from the mirror when cleaning my teeth, as toothpaste splats really annoy me and I have to ensure I don't make any.

Smurf does not, to my knowledge, clean his teeth, and certainly not at the bathroom mirror.

Mr C cleans his teeth whilst gazing at himself in the aforementioned mirror.

Despite this, he claims the splats are nothing to do with him and becomes extremely agitated if I ask him to be more careful. He insists the splats are simply not his responsibility.

Can anyone work out for me where the offending splats are coming from, this one is really puzzling me.

Can anyone work out for me where the offending splats are coming from, this one is really puzzling me.


Are you sure it's toothpaste??

Are you sure it's toothpaste??



Thanks Norm. :sick:

It's quite obvious that you have a very small seagull living in your bathroom (invisible to the naked eye) who does his business whilst perched on top of your mirror.

A similar effect involves the invisible poodle that leaves dark curly hairs in the plughole. These apparently belong to no one because everyone washes down the bath and rinses away unwanted hairs after use.

It is not Mr c that is to blame, it is the size of this toothbrush.

Re the grass - your dog pees on your side of the fence bleaching the grass a yellowy colour.

Why is it that all flatmates do the washing up but yet there is a pile of plates and glasses that have been there for a few days?

Why is it that all flatmates do the washing up but yet there is a pile of plates and glasses that have been there for a few days?
Are you sure they actually wash in the first place?
i think that they probably do is put these items in the sink or bowl fill with hot soapy water and then leave them to soak for a bit- makes it so much easier to wash later. Trouble is when they come back later the water has gone cold and it would be a waste to put the water heater back on again so late at night, might as well take them out, leave them at the side and wait till the morning when your're going to put it on anyway. next morning bowl gets filled again, but there was a queue for the bathroom, and you're running late, so you'll do them tonight :smartie:

All I can say is thank goodness we have a dishwasher



There not tooth paste creie
they are water marks left when the moisture in the air condenses on the mirror and then dries
They look white because our water is chlorinated

You had best say sorry to him

All I can say is thank goodness we have a dishwasher



There not tooth paste creie
they are water marks left when the moisture in the air condenses on the mirror and then dries
They look white because our water is chlorinated

You had best say sorry to him


Yes, it's probably a mere startling coincidence that they always appear directly after he has brushed his teeth and never appear at all if he's away for a few days. :wink2:

Are you sure they actually wash in the first place?
i think that they probably do is put these items in the sink or bowl fill with hot soapy water and then leave them to soak for a bit- makes it so much easier to wash later. Trouble is when they come back later the water has gone cold and it would be a waste to put the water heater back on again so late at night, might as well take them out, leave them at the side and wait till the morning when your're going to put it on anyway. next morning bowl gets filled again, but there was a queue for the bathroom, and you're running late, so you'll do them tonight :smartie:

current flat theory is that we have the opposite of a house elf who brings in dishes in the middle of the night. This would be the same non-house elf who helps him/herself to others bread and milk.

Oh some great replies there on the green grass conundrum!

I put it to you that the grass on the other side of the fence might appear greener, but this in only due to the fact that it is in the shade of the fence, and therefore not subject to the yellowing effects of sunlight directly on it.
I dunno – in my own case all the gardens get pretty much the same light.

The grass may also be greener because your neighbour either (a) has recently laid some new turf; (b) because he is a better gardener than you; or (c) because he has used a proprietary gardening product such as "Top Lawn" to enhance the general appearance of the grass.
Ok in my own case I think both (a) and (c) would apply. But if my neighbour was thinking “why is the grass greener…?” then it wouldn’t apply to him.

Another explanation might be that even if you have a big lawn, your side of the fence has a lot less grass in it than the other side of the fence (which includes everything in the universe other than your garden) so the chance of finding greener grass than yours on the other side is very high.
Good one! But somewhere there’s a place with the greenest grass in all creation. So if I were standing there then why would I still be thinking “why is the grass greener…?”

Another explanation might be that you keep walking and trampling on your grass in an attempt to peer over the fence and look at your neighbour's grass.
‘Tis true I spend far too much time coveting my neighbour’s garden… :D

The truth is that colours are darker the further away they are
See what I remember from 2nd year Art is that distant things look lighter than near ones. Either way, they didn’t say whether distant things look greener.

And you can’t see the dog s*it
Very True! Sir, I believe you may have cracked it. My thanks to you all :)

When you’re out having a good time in the pub or at a party

why do some people have to spoil it by having a row or a fight?

When you’re out having a good time in the pub or at a party

why do some people have to spoil it by having a row or a fight?


I don't know, but an integral part of this phenenoma is that a middle aged woman always has to shout, "LEAVE 'IM, 'E AIN'T WUUUUUURRRRFFF IT!!!" at the top of her voice towards the end of the inevitable scrap.

I don't know, but an integral part of this phenenoma is that a middle aged woman always has to shout, "LEAVE 'IM, 'E AIN'T WUUUUUURRRRFFF IT!!!" at the top of her voice towards the end of the inevitable scrap.

Thats so true

But answer me this, why does the afore mentioned woman shout "LEAVE 'IM, 'E AIN'T WURRRFF IT!!" at the top of her voice, and then immediately start a fight all of her own with the munter girlfriend of Mr Ain't Wurrrff It? :unsure:

Why is it that when you are skint something expensive that you can't do without always breaks down and needs to be replaced?

Why is it that when you are skint something expensive that you can't do without always breaks down?

Is Floopy OK? What have you done to her? :laugh:

:laugh: at Fee...

It's so true though. I'm using my partners laptop at the moment because mine broke (irrepairably) just after christmas and I still haven't been able to afford a new one/computer. This has been a very expensive year so far!

Anyway, if anyone can solve this one it would be helpful, perhaps then I can find a way around it appening again :unsure:

Is Floopy OK? What have you done to her? :laugh:

I NEED MORE SHOES AND I CAN'T HAVE THEM :cry:

So. Why is it that the sum of the crumbs left after a small person has devoured a chocolate chip mini muffin are greater than the mass of the original mini muffin?

Bear in mind that at least some of the mini muffin was eaten by the small person, and a sizeable portion is decorating his t-shirt?

So. Why is it that the sum of the crumbs left after a small person has devoured a chocolate chip mini muffin are greater than the mass of the original mini muffin?



Same reason baby's poo is three times bigger than what he eats!

I reckon something to do with the big bang theory and matter creation.

When you sit watching a child eat, you enter a catatonic state, your whole body slumps forward, so the crumbs look bigger than they really are because you are that much closer to the plate.

I think SF has hit the nail on the head with this one! :good:

How is it that a man in his late 50's can spend all day pooting very loudly, and unfortunately proudly, and not run out of gas?

This thread has really scared me!!:shocking:

Floopy, e-mail me...call me...let's chat and talk about ADULT things. I think you are becoming a little...'unhindged'.:bag:

(I love you to the moon and back!!):unsure:

How is it that a man in his late 50's can spend all day pooting very loudly, and unfortunately proudly, and not run out of gas?

Is it because it's your dad and it runs in the family?

If sarcasm is the lowest form of wit what is the highest form of wit?

The lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence, so the saying goes.

Highest functions of brain produce lowest form of wit

David Adam, science correspondent
Monday May 23, 2005
The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/)


The highest functions of our brains handle the lowest form of wit, new research suggests.


An investigation by Simone Shamay-Tsoory and colleagues shows that the ability to understand sarcasm depends on a carefully orchestrated sequence of complex cognitive skills in specific parts of the brain.
Dr Shamay-Tsoory, a psychologist at the Rambam Medical Centre in Haifa and the University of Haifa, said: "Sarcasm is related to our ability to understand other people's mental state. It's not just a linguistic form, it's also related to social cognition."

The research revealed that areas of the brain that decipher sarcasm and irony also process language, recognise emotions and help us understand social cues.

"Understanding other people's state of mind and emotions is related to our ability to understand sarcasm," she said.

The study showed that people with damage in the prefrontal lobe struggled to pick out sarcasm. The others, including people with similar damage to other parts of the brain, were able to correctly place the sharp-tongued words into context.

The prefrontal lobe is known to be involved in pragmatic language processes and complex social cognition. The ventromedial section is linked to personality and social behaviour.

Dr Shamay-Tsoory said the loss of the volunteers' ability to understand irony was a subtle consequence of their brain damage, which produced behaviour similar to that seen in people with autism
"They are still able to hold and understand a conversation. Their problem is to understand when people talk in indirect speech and use irony, idioms and metaphors because they take each sentence literally. They just understand the sentence as it is and can't see if your true meaning is the opposite of your literal meaning."


Quite interesting actually :whistling: .
So anyway, sorry SF, don't know the answer to your question.

Why does toast always land butter-side down?


My answer is - it doesn't always. It depends how the toast fell and the forces used in its falling. If it was pushed with x force, it may turn twice before hitting the floor. If it was pushed with y force, it may turn three times and therefore hit the floor the other way up.

Patsy wins.

My answer is - it doesn't always. It depends how the toast fell and the forces used in its falling. If it was pushed with x force, it may turn twice before hitting the floor. If it was pushed with y force, it may turn three times and therefore hit the floor the other way up.

Patsy wins.

We solved that one last year Patsy.

Quite interesting actually :whistling: .
So anyway, sorry SF, don't know the answer to your question.

We can probably reverse your findings and assume that the highest form of wit comes from people with prefrontal lobe damage. We just have to find an example.

On September 13, 1848, railroad worker Phineas Gage was involved in an accident (http://www.deakin.edu.au/hbs/GAGEPAGE/) that drove a three-foot long iron bar through his skull. Although Mr. Gage survived, his behavior changed drastically. He went from being a hard-working, well-liked laborer to a gruff, rude, foul-mouthed drifter. Examination of Mr. Gage's skull has revealed that he suffered damage to the frontal lobes of his brain. The primary area of injury was to a part of the prefrontal cortex called the orbitofrontal cortex.

http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/gif/moralbr.gif
Approximate location of the
prefrontal cortex

There you go. The highest form of wit is to be gruff, rude, & foul-mouthed.

Looks like I win on both scores :w00t:

After much internet trawling I found an example of what is claimed to be the highest form of wit. Not sure I agree though. After claiming that the pun is the highest form of wit, the author praises the Japanese pun as being the best in its class. And of this the best, he says, is to be found in 'Sailor Moon' whatever that is, and gives us the following example. It's rather a long-winded gag but stay with it and prepare to ROTFL ...

The fact that "Usagi Tsukino" means "Rabbit of the Moon" is one of the running gags in the series. It has its origin in an ancient Asian legend about a rabbit living on the moon who whiles away the day pounding out glutinous rice with a hammer to make mochi (Japanese rice cakes), which Luna's password to gain access to the "Sailor V Game" in the Crown Game Center - i.e. "The rabbit on the moon pounds the mochi." - even refers to. (The joke, by the way, comes about due to the fact that when the Japanese look at the full moon, they perceive a rabbit there - not a "man in the moon" like us filthy gaijin :) - and because the word mochi can be used to describe both a rice cake and the full moon.

... there's more to follow if you haven't lost the plot yet ...




This gag seems to appear rather frequently in Japanese cartoons and things, such as this one Dragon Ball episode where Goku fights an evil rabbit known as Monster Carrot and ends up exiling him to the moon to make mochi, or in Konami's wacky side-scrolling shooter Gokujyou Parodius for the Super NES and PlayStation, where Stage 6 has you and your ship laying waste to the Moon, with all its giant hammers and rabbits pounding away on things. Several foreign translations of the show - including the German, French and Italian ones - even translate Usagi's name as "Bunny" to keep the joke.)


... getting there now ...



So, if there are any of you out there who have seen only the North American series, know zero Japanese, have always wondered why everything from Serena's bedsheets to her stationary to her lunch bag is covered with those fuzzy, long-eared critters and just why the heck it's so funny that she doesn't like carrots (snicker!)...well now you know, don't you?

I think I'd rather have the lobe damage thingy :mellow: . This bit

"The rabbit on the moon pounds the mochi"

got my interest for a while, but only cos I thought it was a euphamism for something else :ninja:

Found this to counter yours though SF:

Breaking News: Wit Hierarchy Reshuffled


There have been some major changes in the wit structure, it was announced yesterday. Most shocking of all is that sarcasm has been moved from its position as the lowest form of wit, to somewhere around mid-table. A spokesperson for sarcasm said "we are really, really happy with this. I mean, this is the greatest thing that has happened to any of us, ever."

The change was long overdue. Sarcasm was originally placed at the bottom of the wit list in the mid-1860s, but pressure groups have long pushed for this to be reconsidered as new genres of humour are born. Sarcasm has been replaced by jokes that involve people being kicked in the groin. Noted groin kicker, Harry Scrocum, said, "I'm surprised, but I know it's time I made some changes. Maybe during my next tour I'll use some new material and try to branch out. I used to know quite a lot of good jokes about queers." Queer-based comedy came in at a respectable eleventh.

Still considered the highest form of wit, and remaining at the top of the list is political satire. A leading group of political satirists, the National Institute of Political Satire (NIPS), commented, "Well, George W. Bush makes lists, and then he invaded Iraq, which wasn't a very good decision at all, now, was it?" Other notable changes include slapstick falling down six places and a flight of stairs, and punning remaining in the same place, even though the fishmonger asked for it back.

Is it because it's your dad and it runs in the family?

Hell no...it's my boss! :shocking:

I don't think I've ever heard my dad poot...:unsure: Mum yes...dad...nope:unsure:

We solved that one last year Patsy.

Sorry. Got stuck in a portal there.

Where are we now?

The prefrontal cortex and its effect on humour - any thoughts ?

I have two more ponderables for you.


What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Wouldn't you like to know?

What if there were no hypothetical situations?


/LIST]

I guess we would all be asking you what that question means.

As for the other one I need to run to the dictionary as I don't remember what rhetorical means.....

Right well, so if man descended from apes, how come there's still apes? Why aren't they all men?

Eh?

Well?

Because we're very special apes Floops :D

PS: I'm getting me a new t-shirt :D

Why? Are the stains showing on the old one?

Men are apes(see libido thread) and women are something really special altogether...don't know what yet, but we are!

here's one, how the heck is my electricity bill £148 per month, and why do all the bills go up as soon as I'm having a cash flow issue??? I'm sure if there is a god he's tormenting me for fun :(

Flippin' eck Sambo...are you running an all night casino?

My electric bill doesn't come to that a quarter! I pay £15 a month and that's it...I usually end up in debit at the end as well and get a timely refund at the end of the year! Same for my gas bill.

I did get one that was extremely high from the electric company so I phoned them up and told them my meter reading...I went from owing them £165 to them owing me £13!

Call them...give them your latest reading and do it now! :bored:

They have my latest reading Coastie, blokey came round the other day... there is no gas in this house it's all electric, add that to the fact that I don't have central heating I have storage heaters, and that I work from home and its a recipe for... well... me being skint.

It's just too ridiculous, this week I have turned off all the heating and hot water boiler in an attempt to reduce the costs before it cripples me. As a result I'm freezing and fed up - still clean though (fortunately I go swimming a lot so take showers there and I only bath Small when he gets smelly :D)

Childminders hubby is an electrician and just shrugged and told me storage heating is expensive when I told him, so I guess its normal - but harsh considering it's already so cold here.

One day I hope to move to a place where there's gas central heating and winter doesn't begin in August :D

Can anyone tell me when scientists are going to stop fiddling about with the solar system?
I was quite happy with the amount of planets we had but now they have decided to reclasify,but it means we have other planets, do we need any more?
We can't even see them, and surely this has to be disasterous for astrologers!:ranting:

Why do you never see a baby pigeon? :unsure:

Would you let your kids out if they looked like this?

http://imageserver4.textamerica.com/user.images.x/22/IMG_393722/Big/_0425/T520060425121854631.jpg

Would you let your kids out if they looked like this?

http://imageserver4.textamerica.com/user.images.x/22/IMG_393722/Big/_0425/T520060425121854631.jpg


wow, it looks a bit like a baby dinosaur:laugh:

Fee, is that another present from Harvey??:huh:

No :laugh:

Google brought that one home.

Ewwwwwww!!!!!! Tell google to keep it's pressies then...:ninja:

Isn't it because they don't leave the nest until they're fully grown?

Here's a mystery that's been bugging me for - oooh - minutes.

If an invisible man eats a carrot, at what point does the carrot become invisible? Does it disappear the moment it enters his mouth, or would you see bits of carrot getting mashed up and passing down the digestive system???

And if drops of water fall on the skin of the invisible man, do they remain visible, or do they disappear? What if the invisible man was sweating - would the sweat become visible, or would the rain disappear as it mingled with the invisible sweat, or would they remain seperate???

And here's another mystery. How come it costs thousands to buy a kitchen from MFI, yet the entire company is about to be bought for a single pound??

Here's another one - what's happened to mikado's avatar? The picture has gone :mellow:

PS There's no invisible man mik - if you see a half digested carrot in mid-air, it's levitating.:thumbsup:

Here's a mystery that's been bugging me for - oooh - minutes.

If an invisible man eats a carrot, at what point does the carrot become invisible? Does it disappear the moment it enters his mouth, or would you see bits of carrot getting mashed up and passing down the digestive system???

And if drops of water fall on the skin of the invisible man, do they remain visible, or do they disappear? What if the invisible man was sweating - would the sweat become visible, or would the rain disappear as it mingled with the invisible sweat, or would they remain seperate???

Mik, sweetie...back away from the glue...you're NOT supposed to EAT IT!! OK, deep breaths...now go find your avatar hunnie!!:unsure: :shocking:

Here's a mystery that's been bugging me for - oooh - minutes.
You might find that my novel helps with these questions... a little...

when you look at your reflection in a mirror, why is it inverted left-to-right but not top-to-bottom?

How do you know that you're reality isn't inverted and that your mirror is compensating for that.

How do I know if you're compensating for not knowing the answer?

Why, when I say I'll pop online for five minutes - am I still here over an hour later.

Is SO some kind of time-loss machine? :unsure:

Well Dol, it's either that or I'm 'addicted' to the internet according to my family.:wacko:

Oooh an addiction, can we do an intervention? can we?...of course we'll have to do it online which might defeat the object... oh well perhaps not then.

Anyway I really am going now but have a nice afternoon(?) MSGirl

Sammx

You might find that my novel helps with these questions... a little...

When does it hit the bookshops?! :w00t:

Or can you give us a quick summary? (Then I can save myself £6.99)

Oooh an addiction, can we do an intervention? can we?...of course we'll have to do it online which might defeat the object... oh well perhaps not then.

Anyway I really am going now but have a nice afternoon(?) MSGirl

Sammx


Samm, until time changes back, I'm about 5 hours behind you. Central Standard Time. Of course, you being in the Highlands...that might or might not be accurate. Fee'll know, she KNOWS EVERYTHING!!:smartie:

What is the annoying black gunk that collects round the base of the cold tap in the bathyroom, and why the cold tap and not the hot?

Samm, until time changes back, I'm about 5 hours behind you. Central Standard Time. Of course, you being in the Highlands...that might or might not be accurate. Fee'll know, she KNOWS EVERYTHING!!:smartie:
:sad: I thought I was finally getting the hang of the time zome thing, oh well, back to the drawing board... I am on the same time as the rest of the UK though, I know that much :D

What is the annoying black gunk that collects round the base of the cold tap in the bathyroom, and why the cold tap and not the hot?

I get that too :mad: and I don't understand it, I am the only one who uses the bathroom here so I can't even blame it on anyone else!

I reckon it's done by someone on one of those job creation schemes.
Trainee gunkafier or some such. With prospects of promotion to 'planting hairs in showers' manager. Or even Ballcock Breaker.

[QUOTE=Tigereye]With prospects of promotion to 'planting hairs in showers' manager. [QUOTE]

We dont get a hairy shower - we have a hairy sponge. I refuse to use the thing any more as one glance at Mr.B knackers and it resembles a very large hairy spider.

Really unpleasant.

I hide it when we have visitors, as i would have to sit and pluck it otherwise. :huh:

Now THAT is really too much information...:laugh:

My hubby has big hairy balls
Like a couple of plums with whiskers
The hairs get shed all over the house
And get stuck in his knickers

Our sponge and shower and loofah
Are a permanent hair-bound disgrace
When visitors have to use our loo
I get red in the face

I wish he had smooth hairless nuts
So I wouldn't get in a fluster
So tonight I'm going to varnish them
Plus, that'll add lustre to his cluster.

Keats?



.

Yes, early Keats, written around the same time as 'Ode To My Foreskin' and before he went all serious.

I believe this inspired Seamus Heaney to write one of his best-loved ditties - "If me pubes kept a-growin', would oye need to shoyne me shoes?"

Yes, early Keats, written around the same time as 'Ode To My Foreskin' and before he went all serious.

I thought that was Longfellow?

I thought that was Longfellow?

I think you're right - the uncut version wasn't it?

Right. Question for the boys.

In search of a smart response, I came upon an article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision) in Wikipedia that contains a series of photographs (for scientific purposes obviously).

The first set show a flaccid uncircumcised appendage, then the same tool in full bloom, so to speak. The second set has a circumcised fella, again both resting and active.

Now, the uncircumcised version appears to achieve greater elevation than its stripped down counterpart. Considering that the latter presumably carries less weight and accoutrements, shouldn't it achieve the greater elevation?

Could somebody fill me in please?

Maybe the circumcised bloke is shorter, so the planet is exerting a stronger gravitational pull on his dickie-doo-dah.

What happens with astronauts then? Do they just flap around aimlessly?

For a while, yes, then their knobs start pointing at the moon.

Doesn't it depend upon the position of Uranus?

That reminds me of another burning question. How come humans need to use toilet paper but cats don't. Should we all be eating Whiskas? Think of how much money and effort we'd save.

Two reasons spring to mind. They don't have hands and we can't lick our own ar$es.

Although Groucho's sooooo close.

Right. Question for the boys.

In search of a smart response, I came upon an article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision) in Wikipedia that contains a series of photographs (for scientific purposes obviously).

The first set show a flaccid uncircumcised appendage, then the same tool in full bloom, so to speak. The second set has a circumcised fella, again both resting and active.

Now, the uncircumcised version appears to achieve greater elevation than its stripped down counterpart. Considering that the latter presumably carries less weight and accoutrements, shouldn't it achieve the greater elevation?

Could somebody fill me in please?

Couldn't help noticing that the bloke in the bottom picture has strange b****cks. They're look so fat and puffy compared to the slackness of the other I reckon they're weighing it down :w00t:

I'm glad to see someone else is taking this topic seriously Crit. Thank-you.:nerd:

They were a bit odd weren't they?

I reckon it's to do with the amount of skin available for stretching.

In a circumcised dickie-doo-dah (lovin that!) there maybe the blood available but there isn't the skin to make it stretch any further. But in an uncircumcised dickie-doo-dah the amount of skin available is able to make it that much more elevated!

I reckon it's to do with the amount of skin available for stretching.

In a circumcised dickie-doo-dah (lovin that!) there maybe the blood available but there isn't the skin to make it stretch any further. But in an uncircumcised dickie-doo-dah the amount of skin available is able to make it that much more elevated!

Where does the skin go then? What do they actually do? Cut it off and chuck it away? Any pictures :naughty: (educational of course)

Here's another question. Why do I get wind (well, more wind than usual) when I ovulate?

Mittelschmerz, Patsy :)

Gezundheit? :unsure:

Griping wind-like pain around the time of ovulation.

Probably terminal.

Where does the skin go then? What do they actually do?

It's chucked in the 'foreskin bucket'.

Hence a once-popular put-down 'Oi, when they circumcised you they threw the wrong bit away.'

Griping wind-like pain around the time of ovulation.

Probably terminal.

No, no. It's not a wind-like pain. It's wind. Lots and lots of it.

I get the other thing, too (never knew it had a name, mind) and just accepted it was part of ovulation. But why the wind?

Patsy, do you get irritable too? If so you must be fun to be around during that 'special time' of the month, firing from both ends.

I'm never irritable; I just seem to surround myself with ar$eholes, you stupid f-----g w****r.

Taxi drivers who have the names of their kids/grandkids printed onto the back of their taxi. Why?

I have never noticed that in Surrey, maybe it's a Scottish phenomenon. The Scots do have some strange ways don't they, like wearing sporrans and giving each other pieces of coal at Hogmanay. It's probably best not to delve too deeply.

I read something interesting yesterday. When lost, men tend to make their way downhill whereas women tend to make their way uphill.

Why?

What happens if they're lost in Norfolk? :D

I guess they're stuck there, which might explain the somewhat vacant and lost expression on most of the faces you see in those parts. Andrea?

OK here's a question about the universe.......


If the big bang theory is correct, what went bang and why did it go bang???

Was it terrorists perhaps???:nerd:

While Ziller's waiting for his answer can I ask another one.

this time it's a serious question about escape velocity.

I read somewhere that for a rocket to go into space it needs to overcome the gravitational pull of the earth and to do that it has to have a velocity of around 39,600 km/hour.

My question is tyhis - when a rocket takes off, it does so quite slowly, yet it is still able to overcome gravity. So why does it have to travel at 39,600 km/hour to get into space especially when you consider that the higher it gets the weaker the effect of gravity.

SF, the answer to your question is E=MC² .

Allow me to expand:

When the rocket reaches 39,600 km/hour the gravitational pull of the earth no longer has an effect on it, as the mass of the rocket has reached the same mass of the gravitational pull of the earth, thereby requiring little power to continue in its upward direction.

To reach that speed it needs to expend large amounts of fuel. To travel at a lower speed, (and therefore be affected by the gravitational pull of the earth) would require a lot more fuel - more fuel than a rocket could carry, or which would effect the weight of the rocket such that it would be, in effect, too heavy to take off.

Until we can develop a power source which isn't liquid based, it will be necessary for rockets to reach 39,600 km/hour using rocket fuel before they can escape gravity.

As the rocket travels faster, the more inertia it gathers. It's mass increases with its speed, hence energy is put equal to mass, multiplied by the square of the velocity of light - E=MC² .

In the same way, it is impossible for anything to travel faster than the speed of light, as the energy required to travel at a higher speed is greater than the amount of energy in the universe.

Do you see? :smartie:

Actually, Cockers just explained this to me over the phone, over a cheese and tomato sandwich, so see him for any queries you may have.

I think I see. What you're saying is that once it has reached escape velocity it no longer needs fuel to power it, it will just keep going under its own momentum- is that right?

Ta!

Well maybe just a bit of fuel to steer round floating McDonalds cartons and stuff, but yes, I think that's more or less it.

OK here's a question about the universe.......


If the big bang theory is correct, what went bang and why did it go bang???

Was it terrorists perhaps???:nerd:

Lets just hope the Pope doesn't suggest it was Allah.