I have just had a disturbing phone call from my daughter-in-law and would like some advice from anyone who has had to deal with this problem. My nine year old grandson has just told her that he wants to kill himself now I know that kids say these things for attention but he is quite a sensitive sole and his twin brother just the opposite. Billy has always sat in the background not so quick to put himself forward and we know he has been bullied at school. My son and daughter-in-law have been to the school and complained but it appears this is still going on my son is of the thump them back school of thought but I don't think this will solve things for him. Billy takes a back seat in the family as well his seven year old sister is much more forthright. Don't get me wrong he is not a wimpy whinging child just a deep thinker he is also not as clever as the other two and finds his school work difficult. Do children really suffer from depresion at this age?

My daughter-in law has asked me to talk to him to try and get to the bottom of how he is feeling so I would be glad of any advice.

My daughter-in law has asked me to talk to him to try and get to the bottom of how he is feeling so I would be glad of any advice. Mazwad

Mazwad, you need to try to get him to talk to you, not you talk to him, if you see what I mean. Try to get him to open up, and if he asks you not to say anything to his parents, you really musn't. Just having a total confidant he knows he can talk to will help him no end. It's not normal for a 9 year old to have depression as we know it, but they can and do get down and feel their little world is all wrong. I am sure others here will give you more advice than I, take it all in and use what you feel to be right for the boy, and good luck!

Hi

If you've been to the school and complained then this problem should have been nipped in the bud! If it were me I'd make an appointment at the school and explain to the Headteacher what's happening and tell him/her what your grandson said and that you expect it sorted TODAY!! The school should, by law, have a "Bullying Policy" and they have to act upon any such complaints immediately.

Joy :)

Hi Mazwad

I'm really sorry to hear that your grandson is suffering at the hand of some bully/bullies... :hug:

Do you know if it physical or mental bulling or both that he his suffering from?

I think as Cenor has said you need to get him to talk to you if you can, and see if you can find out exactly what is happening and why he feels like he does. If you can get to the bottom of the problem then you can work with him and try to find a way of him dealing with what is happening to him, so he can start feeling that he is in control of the situation.

I know when my daughter was being bullied and the school wasn't any help at all, we came up between us, of a way of her coping with the situation, so she felt she was in control and not the bully. After a while the bully gave up bulling her as she was not reacting in the way they wanted her too.

I hope whatever you decide to do helps your grandson.. Good Luck :hug:

Take care
ils xx

Oh Mazwad, I had a tear in my eye when I read your post, children can be so cruel cant they.......

My neice was bullied when she was about your grandsons age, cue Queeenie, sis (her mum) and Nan to descend on the school and tackle the headmaster...... he didnt want to accept it at 1st, but faced by the "Witches of Eastwick" he soon back tracked and dealt with it - I dont think that they like to admit that there is a "problem" in "their school"!!

I would demand a meeting with the head teacher and request a copy of their Bullying Policy (if you havent got one already) then take them through it step by step so that they understand it :glare: and tell them that you will take it further to the LEA if it isnt dealt with and a stop put to it pronto!!!!

Good luck and big hugs to you and the little fella bless him :hug:

I'd agree with Queeenie here, go straight back to the school and demand it be sorted out.

Aww Mazwad, my heart goes out to you. Why are kids so cruel? I would go to the Headmaster/mistress and demand that it is sorted. If you know the children that are doing it, I would also demand that a meeting is held with their parents too. I think there is too much of defending the bully and not enough help for the victim. Bullying sadly goes on in practically every school, but it does need to get stamped out and unfortunately the one way to do this is to keep pestering the Head Teacher. If you get no satisfaction there, you have to take it further to the authorities or your local MP. Good Luck Mazwad and give little Billy a hug! :hug:

Thanks for all your good advice it really does help I was really upset after she phoned and couldn't stop thinking about it.

They have been to the school again today and have arranged fo Billy to see the school nurse as an outsider to talk to but the school are inferring his problems probably stem from home. His mum has been worried lately as she has a pitituitary tumour and now has to go and see a neurologist. Billy has heard us talking about this but we have always talked about it in a positive manner as it is not life threatening. I think the school are just making excuses for not dealing with the problem of bullying. Billy's teachers have said how helpful he is clearing up in class but he does this partly so he doesn't have to go out at breaktime.

I am seeing him tomorrow and hopefully he will open up to me if not at least I can give him some cuddles.

Mazwad I read your first post yesterday, I didn't have time to digest the awful story and reply with any sense. I was upset for Billy, his Mum and Da, you and his sister. And I was furious with the school.

All the above advice is sensible, the only thing I would add is perhaps your daughter in law or son, could mention what Billy has said to his GP?? For a child who is so young to be saying quite dreadful things about not wanting to be here is quite serious. Of course, he may have just heard it and thought it was a way of getting help. But on the other hand, he could actually be feeling like this and that is heartwrendingly upsetting for all concerned, esp. the little lad himself. And the awful thing is that if he is allowed to continue to feel like this - then it will just get worse in erms of his self confidence, esteem and social isolation.

Give him the best Easter yet, spoil him rotten, reinforce his value to the family, you know all the usual Grannie things. Talk to his Mum and Dad too - and at this stage I think it is vital that the school/head sits up and takes note of what your family are telling him/her.

His parents could always consider removing him and his sister from the school as a point, until such time that their bullying policy is addressed seriously.

Good Luck, love to the little man and have a great Easter with him and his sister.

Thanks Flip the school have suggested he sees his own GP if the school nurse doesn't get anywhere with him. Its difficult not to blow things out of proportion as its a fact that children have cried for help before doing dreadful things to themselves. I Have spoken to his parents as I feel that Billy doesn't open up to my son worrying about the reaction he will get because his twin brother seems to have more of a rapport with my son. Billy tends to go to his mum with his problems and as she has been having problems herself I wonder if thats why he's holding back. I have no other experience of twins is it a normal thing for one to be more forward in every way.

Every easter we make these basket things from chocolate and rice crispies and fill them with little eggs, I did it with my children and now with the grandchildren so I will get some time with Billy on his own and see what develops.

I know 3 sets of twins, all boys, and yes, it is very normal for them to be at opposite extremes to each other. In one set, one twin did all the talking for them both, the other was very quiet and thoughtful, but did seem to be doing all the eating for them both!

They usually do have a very strong bond though, so it could well be worth talking to them both about this, in fact, I would do that as a priority, you could get a lot more info that way!

Good luck, I'm a Grandparent, and I know how strong the emotions are these kids bring to you!

The school nurse is a first step but really your grandson needs to see a psychologist/psychiatrist if you are concerned about this. Normally they are accessed via the school or GP. Children can be depressed at this age but it is often bypassed by people really because of the limited awareness of this, and the stereotype that childhood is the best time of your life. Not by a longshot for some children.
There are therapeutic services tailored for children like Barnados or over here Rainbow services. google. local childrens hospital should have information about local services or you could phone through to the clinical psychology department and ask for guidance on how to proceed.
If your grandson is being bullied, the school have a responsibility to maintain his physical and psychological safety on the premises so there is room to argue hard and to ask them if there are support services that they recommend. There may be issues at home/school/personally - blame is redundant in my opinion. You could google school bullying as well as there are some good information sources now.

Thanks I really do appreciate the advice and that is the route they are going . They have seen a nurse that can reccomend him treatment she is seeing Billy after the holidays I did try to get him talking yesterday but the other children kept coming in. They have all stopped overnight in my garden as they bought a new tent yesterday and erected it to see how long it took to do, Billy in particular begged to stay and sleep in it so they are all out there now. Hoping to get some time on my own with him today.

Thanks also for the info on twins Shane has always seemed to be the dominant one and is doing better at school he is also slightly taller and heavier.

Billy returned to school on monday and it does seem to be that his problems are mostly to do with school as he was quite settled during the holidays. We did have a little chat and he told me that their were a few boys giving him problems, I told him he can phone me any time he wants to chat if he is feeling unhappy. On tuesday he brought a letter home from school with him which read; Billy went out at breaktime today unfortunatly this was misconstrued and another child had him in a headlock, the child has been put in the red book. Now I am assuming the teacher missed out a sentence and it was not merely the fact of Billy having the temerity to go out for break that made him fair game for the bully.

Today he came home with another letter saying that at morning break he sustained a lump on his head, and a small note on the bottom said he had banged his head again at afternoon play. After having a chat with Billy it turned out that two different boys had banged his head against the wall but in the letter there was no reference to other children being involved.

Billy seems happier in himself though as he knows that something is being done about it now my son and daughter-in-law have been talking to the head teacher to demand that they sort out the bullying.

Today he came home with another letter saying that at morning break he sustained a lump on his head, and a small note on the bottom said he had banged his head again at afternoon play. After having a chat with Billy it turned out that two different boys had banged his head against the wall but in the letter there was no reference to other children being involved.

Billy seems happier in himself though as he knows that something is being done about it now my son and daughter-in-law have been talking to the head teacher to demand that they sort out the bullying.

Oh maz - god I could cry and my heart contracts with pain and anger when I read that bit about the notes home!! I can only imagine what you and your son and his wife feel.

Let alone Billy, you say he feels better in himself - and that is good. But all I can say is that a HUGE amount more needs to be done and really quickly. The school really needs to tackle this full on rather than pussy-footing around - which quite honestly sounds like they are doing.

Hugs to you and Billy [and his Mum and Dad]:hug:

Oh Maz, I feel the same as Flip and angry with the way the school has dealt with it - they should be doing more than just sending notes home! You must go to the school demand a meeting with the head-teacher and if possible, the parents of the boys who are causing these problems. Do this with immediate effect and if the situation is not resolved you take the matter higher, contact your local MP, contact the education authorities. This is awful what you & your family and poor wee Billy are going through, I can't sympathise enough with you. Why are some children so nasty and horrible?

Billy returned to school on monday and it does seem to be that his problems are mostly to do with school as he was quite settled during the holidays. We did have a little chat and he told me that their were a few boys giving him problems, I told him he can phone me any time he wants to chat if he is feeling unhappy. On tuesday he brought a letter home from school with him which read; Billy went out at breaktime today unfortunatly this was misconstrued and another child had him in a headlock, the child has been put in the red book. Now I am assuming the teacher missed out a sentence and it was not merely the fact of Billy having the temerity to go out for break that made him fair game for the bully.

Today he came home with another letter saying that at morning break he sustained a lump on his head, and a small note on the bottom said he had banged his head again at afternoon play. After having a chat with Billy it turned out that two different boys had banged his head against the wall but in the letter there was no reference to other children being involved.

Billy seems happier in himself though as he knows that something is being done about it now my son and daughter-in-law have been talking to the head teacher to demand that they sort out the bullying.

In my experience this is very much the norm with schools these days.

One of my friends sons has just had an operation to have his ears pinned back due to the bullying he was suffering. Until he was bullied his ears where never a problem to him. His parents did go up the school but that only made the bullying worse, so in the end they decided that for him the best thing was to have his ears done.

I am glad Billy is feeling happier in himself Mazwad and I hope the school sorts this out for you all soon.

Big hugs to you all :hug:

My son is threatening to go and see the parents but I hope he doesn't as it's easy for these things to escalate. I believe the action is the responsibility of the school. One of the boys involved has ADH which seems to be a green light for getting away with things. I am picking the children up tomorrow as their mum has an hospital appointment so if any letters come out with him tomorrow they will get me in there demanding to know what they are doing. It's difficult trying not to interfere but at the same time advising their parents how to deal with this. My daughter-in-law has enough problems with the pituitry tumour as it has doubled in size and she is very tearful at the moment, which is very unlike her, she has to have it removed and is waiting to hear when.

Maz, there's really good advice here (http://www.bullying.co.uk/parents/parentsl_advice.htm)

I think the teacher/school have had ample time now to sort this - I'd step up the pressure on them! And while the advice is that legal action should be a last resort, I would let the school know that you are aware of Billy's rights.

My neighbour had 3 years of battling with her daughter's school. She eventually asked for copies of her daughter's school records (these are normally required if legal action was being considered). Boy, did that spur the school into action and matters were resolved within weeks.

It also meant that she got the point across in a non-contentious way - although the head still does a U-turn whenever he sees her :laugh:

Good luck!!

Thank you for that I am printing it off to give them, it was very interesting reading.

Fee that's a really good site, thanks for that link :thumbsup: