Following comments on another website, I wondered whether people think there is a "clique" on this Board. For my own part, I am not aware of one, because if there IS one I can't honestly say who's in it!!

However I am genuinely interested to know what people think - do you think it's "cliquey" and if so, who are the people in this clique?

***Runs for cover fast**

um for the more braindead of members on this forum, what do u mean?

*yay for my 100th post*

um for the more braindead of members on this forum, what do u mean?

If you mean what is a clique, I mean a group of people who think they're the only ones that matter and all stick together and shun outsiders... :laugh:

"Clique" is a horrible word. It suggests unfriendliness and exclusiveness, and I have noticed neither here. I have noticed that there are attractions though, and that some people have an obvious rapport with certain other members which they don't share with everyone. If this is what is meant by "clique" then yes there are cliques here. But in that case i would say that every community has them and in that regard this forum is no different.

I dont think there is a clique - I think there's interesting people and dull people :devil: .

I also think this is one of the most welcoming forums I've encountered, and that new members who join for the right reasons are always welcomed warmly and made to feel at home.

But, as with most things in life, you get out what you put in. If you make the effort to post and generally join in, you will automatically get to know people and they you, but if you make little effort, no-one's going to come banging on your door asking you to join in.

Of course there's going to be personailty clashes, but that makes it all the more interesting, IMO.

Someone has said there IS a clique here - but hasn't quantified that by saying who's actually in it!! The honest truth is, I don't EVER know who they're referring to - so whoever it was, please would you tell us who the clique consists of? Cos I wonder whether any of the people in the clique know they're there....

Who said that Ceri? Tell us and we can all gang together and ignore them.

I couldn't agree more!

I'd also like to add that within weeks of joining, I was encouraged to join in at the London meet, which I did and where I was certainly not made to feel like an outsider.

Met some great folk and am now looking foward to seeing them again in Portsmouth, along with a few new-to-me faces. And may also get to see some of them sober!

(Although if I turn up in Portsmouth and find out they are all in Plymouth, I may change my views :blush: )

I voted "yes" as I think there is a clique, but though the word may have negative implications, I don't think that is neccessarily true.

Ok I may have been proved wrong, the dictionary says that "its a small exclusive group of friends or associates."

What I meant by voting "yes" is simply that there are a group that know each other better, get on better and may have also met in the flesh. This is true of any group of people.

I wouldn't use the word exclusive as I personally haven't ever been excluded from anything. I think I agree with what Floopy has said. People here are friendly, I was warmly welcomed by a number of people on here when I first arrived and have since received kind pm's on a regular basis from a few people.

Occasionally somebody gets on the wrong side of somebody else, but to be honest everybody seems to get on with it after the storm has died and it becomes a friendly household again. :blush:

So we have three "cliques" now and only one who has come forward (i.e. Claire).....Claire who are the people who know each other better do you think? I really still don't know....would it be ILS, Coastie, Dol, Max etc as they have all met? Is Cat in it (or just on the floor where she usually is?? :laugh: )

And what about people like Peej for example - I'm not sure whether anyone has met him but he fits in here doesn't he?

Well I kind of retracted my vote :( when I was disproved by the good old dictionary!!!

I have to rush off cause hubby is pausing something on tv for me so I will write again when I have a min...

BTW I like you all! and I haven't met a soul! :)

No way is there a clique here. Okay, yes, close friendships strike up between various subsets of SO members - as they do in almost all groups of people - but I wouldn't call any of them "exclusive". This is the warmest, friendliest, most inclusive online community I've ever known.

The only thing I would say, is that:

(Although if I turn up in Portsmouth and find out they are all in Plymouth, I may change my views :blush: )

were that to happen, at least I could make this next meet. I'm too ill to travel right now but if you all came to Plymouth I'd get to meet some of the lovely folks in our fully inclusive clique. :thumbsup:

I've been a member here for quite a long time and I've never noticed a clique.

But then I'm not looking for one. :wink2:

I've been a member here for quite a long time and I've never noticed a clique.

But then I'm not looking for one. :wink2:

you told me you loved my clique ...at least I think that's what you said! :ninja:

Being a new member I have found it very interesting and enjoy reading the banter between those that know each other better so I voted no. I found it very helpful to those that answered my concerns about my grandson. Its a very mixed age group but as an older member I haven't felt at all excluded.

I dont think there is a clique, just that some people know each other, and some people come on here and post more often, so I would say there are regulars, rather than cliques.

I got a warm welcome when I joined, and I didnt know anyone...and feel among friendly people here.

So my feelings are just regulars, no cliques
M

I dont think there is a clique, just that some people know each other, and some people come on here and post more often, so I would say there are regulars, rather than cliques.

I got a warm welcome when I joined, and I didnt know anyone...and feel among friendly people here.

So my feelings are just regulars, no cliques
M

Marmo
I tend to agree with you :)

No I don't think there is a clique.

And I think that this is part of the success of SO, that cliques not encouraged and I would hope actively discouraged.

This place would not be anywhere near as good, if there were cliques, new people would feel excluded and therefore not join in. But I can think of loads of new people who have joined recently, and not so recently who have taken the time to post and have been welcomed warmly to the hearth and fire, slippers may not have been provided but everyone is guarenteed a cuppa if nothing else. And the most important thing is that they have stayed.

Personally I think it is sour grapes and petty mindedness on the part of whoever may be saying this.

Ah, the age old clique question.

There are obviously certain people who get on better with each other, but I don't think you have to have met for that to happen.

Even if there are, what some people may perceive as 'cliques', then it's not in a nasty or exclusive way.

The times there have been accusations of cliquiness here, it has usually been due a wave of ill-feeling directed towards one or two individuals. I think it is possible to interpret that in two ways:

(1) If you are the person on the receiving end of the ill-feeling, you probably think that a load of people are "ganging up on you"; you feel victimised and you perceive a clique.

(2) If you are the people with the ill-feeling, that ill-feeling has probably been engendered by a persistant bad attitude on the part of those one or two individuals. In fact your response is to punish someone who is in breach of the forum rules, or who is generally behaving in an antisocial manner.

If interpretation 2 could correctly be termed a "clique", then yes, there has been a clique here on several occasions - including very recently.

No NO No No NO...................

Whoever suggested this wants a bloody good beating with a big stick........

Buzz]No NO No No NO...................

Whoever suggested this wants a bloody good beating with a big stick........[/
QUOTE
O kinky it was me its was me

I am of mixed minds about this. Whilst I don't think there is a definite clique here, I think as Blink says, there is a tendency to close ranks if a threat does come along. And that is just human nature and the way groups always work, in any situation. It is a normal way of coping.

What I do see happen on the board is that there are a lot of like minded people who do generally see things in similar ways, and share the same sense of humour etc, and sometimes because I am quite an intense person, I don't feel part of that. I don't blame other people because of it, I accept it's because it's the way I am and I am happy with the way I am. But I can understand why other people who are not happy with themselves, could feel like they don't fit in.

I think this thread is quite funny. I voted yes to cliques. My understanding of what a clique is, is a form of group. Generally there is a core membership where there are definite norms of the group, acceptable language of communication, pull to homogeneity i.e. sameness; then a primary circle of people who communicate with the core members individually which is apparent on SO where everyone dialogues on the forum and feels welcomed; thirdly a secondary membership of people who communicate infrequently, on the periphery, almost non members. The people who say that whenever they do post, they feel welcomed.

In my understanding, a clique is an observation and not,as some people have posted, people with an axe to grind against members of the forum. It is not necessarily emotional in itself although that is a fair component. It can be viewed as positive i.e. core members organising a meet and inviting all the layers or negative, pack behaviour.

My view for what its worth.

Thanks for that Tonne but you’re not in the clique so your opinion don’t count

Only joking



Birds of a feather

Thanks for that Tonne but you’re not in the clique so your opinion don’t count

Only joking



Birds of a feather
never a truer word spoken. Cheers Cockney!

My interpretation of a clique is where a group of people enjoy an advantaged position at the expense of someone else. I don't see that happening.

If you take the view that a clique is simply a group of friends, then I really dont see how that situation can be avoided, or indeed why it should. Should regular posters who build up a cameraderie not be friendly towards each other for fear of offending anyone else?

Another implication of a clique, to me, is that membership is decided by that clique. I have had no experience of anyone trying to tell me who to "accept" and who not to, and if anyone tried, they'd get short shrift from me.

I like people who are funny and clever. If you're funny and clever, I will probably like you. If you're not, I probably won't.

Well you must LOVE me then floops, because my hysterical wit and mirth is well documented here.

I might like you if you paid your subs for this month. No subs, no newsletter, you know the rules.

Ya the babys got to eat you know

Pay up or your out

My tuppence worth: I am not aware of any cliques either.

That is all.

My tuppence worth: I am not aware of any cliques either.

That is all.

sorry PJ - but you are in Cat's clique and her shed.... :shocking:

sorry PJ - but you are in Cat's clique and her shed.... :shocking:
Oh aye, I forgot about that...
Well, I guess they do exist then :sleep:

My interpretation of a clique is where a group of people enjoy an advantaged position at the expense of someone else. I don't see that happening.

I disagree with this definition. It is not necessarily about advantaged position but a form of subgroup of interpersonal relationships. It is not about being at the expense of someone else. I think that is a stereotype.

If you take the view that a clique is simply a group of friends, then I really dont see how that situation can be avoided, or indeed why it should. Should regular posters who build up a cameraderie not be friendly towards each other for fear of offending anyone else?

Again I disagree with the above. A clique is a sub group, it is not a definition of friendship. There is always a dimension of in/out in groups. That can never be avoided. The bonds that make a group are things like camaraderie. I am not sure about offence of other people. Where is that notion coming from?

Another implication of a clique, to me, is that membership is decided by that clique. I have had no experience of anyone trying to tell me who to "accept" and who not to, and if anyone tried, they'd get short shrift from me.

Again I disagree. Often membership i.e. the norms of the group are unspoken, sometimes unconscious. Im not sure if you are saying there is a problem with being part of a group? That can be a very positive experience in my view.

I like people who are funny and clever. If you're funny and clever, I will probably like you. If you're not, I probably won't.

Overall, I am sorry to disagree with you so much Floopy. People group together in so many different ways, pairing, triads, cliques, loners etc etc. I dont particularly think any of these formations are positive or negative, just the way we gravitate in relationships. I notice a general defensiveness around the word clique. I certainly dont use it as an exclusive form of group. Simply a sub group formation.

tonee all I will say is I think you have to know where the clique was mentioned....it definitely wasn't meant to be anything positive let's put it that way.

Blimey tonee, you could give an Asprin a headache! ;)

tonee all I will say is I think you have to know where the clique was mentioned....it definitely wasn't meant to be anything positive let's put it that way.
I have no information regarding the context of when/where a clique was mentioned. I am just looking at it from a group/psychology perspective.

oops/error in posting

Overall, I am sorry to disagree with you so much Floopy. People group together in so many different ways, pairing, triads, cliques, loners etc etc. I dont particularly think any of these formations are positive or negative, just the way we gravitate in relationships. I notice a general defensiveness around the word clique. I certainly dont use it as an exclusive form of group. Simply a sub group formation.

No worries, Tonee. Of course if our definition of clique differs, then our attitude towards it is never going to match. In my experience, the word clique has been used (in the context of a forum like this one) to identify a privileged group who shun outsiders, hence the defensiveness.

Blimey tonee, you could give an Asprin a headache! ;)

Analytical in my work so it comes so very naturally. Dont have a headache myself. However, I often drive people crazy with my responses - definitely a clique of aspirin users in my world!!

No worries, Tonee. Of course if our definition of clique differs, then our attitude towards it is never going to match. In my experience, the word clique has been used (in the context of a forum like this one) to identify a privileged group who shun outsiders, hence the defensiveness.

Then I think the definition is important. I dont think people on this forum generally shun outsiders. The evidence strongly, strongly, strongly suggests the very opposite. However, like all groups, there is a negative/shadow side that can be communicated. That is life.

Then I think the definition is important. I dont think people on this forum generally shun outsiders. The evidence strongly, strongly, strongly suggests the very opposite. However, like all groups, there is a negative/shadow side that can be communicated. That is life.


Your just a member of that bugged up name group aint you

It’s all secret so we don’t know who you are

Your just a member of that bugged up name group aint you

It’s all secret so we don’t know who you are
you've lost me there

Well someone obviously feels that they have been shunned in an organised manner (I have no information about who that is either).

If I felt that nobody liked me, I'd have to ask myself the following questions:

a) do I want to be around a bunch of people who don't like me?

and

b) maybe they don't like me for a perfectly valid reason?- e.g. if 25 separate people tell you you have B.O., there's a pretty high chance that you do actually stink.

Well most people tell me I'm an obnoxious loud mouth bigot, but that's just because they are jealous. :ninja:

My definition of a clique is a tall pointy building with woodpigeons in the loft.

:bag:

then I think we should definitely have one. Oh yes.

i thourgh they made face cream and makeup

i thourgh they made face cream and makeup


:laugh: :laugh:

Tonee I have to say I agree with your comments, you said it so much better than I did. That's the kind of thing that I was trying to convey in my post, but obviously not as good as you.

Floopy, I would like to ask you about something you said on more than one occasion. You seem to hit very hard on the like/dislike mode. I was just wondering, is that how you feel generally? Do you either just like or dislike or person, or can you be comfortable with anyone?

There are 'cliques' (I prefer subgroups also Tonee) any time you have a group of people. We tend to gravitate to like mindedness in a group. It's human nature, so yes, I do think there are subgroups here, the same as anywhere else.

Do I think SO members shun others? If they feel threatened as a group yes. We have had quite a few instances of this in the past. And as Tonee has said, a lot of it is done subconsiously. There are a lot of unsaid things that go on in every facet of group existence. To deny it happens, is denying a lot of what is typical human nature. I'm not saying it's wrong or it's right, it just is.

Tonee I have to say I agree with your comments, you said it so much better than I did. That's the kind of thing that I was trying to convey in my post, but obviously not as good as you.

Floopy, I would like to ask you about something you said on more than one occasion. You seem to hit very hard on the like/dislike mode. I was just wondering, is that how you feel generally? Do you either just like or dislike or person, or can you be comfortable with anyone?

There are 'cliques' (I prefer subgroups also Tonee) any time you have a group of people. We tend to gravitate to like mindedness in a group. It's human nature, so yes, I do think there are subgroups here, the same as anywhere else.

Do I think SO members shun others? If they feel threatened as a group yes. We have had quite a few instances of this in the past. And as Tonee has said, a lot of it is done subconsiously. There are a lot of unsaid things that go on in every facet of group existence. To deny it happens, is denying a lot of what is typical human nature. I'm not saying it's wrong or it's right, it just is.
You said that beautifully. Good points.

Floopy, I would like to ask you about something you said on more than one occasion. You seem to hit very hard on the like/dislike mode. I was just wondering, is that how you feel generally? Do you either just like or dislike or person, or can you be comfortable with anyone?


I have three modes, generally. Like, dislike and no feelings either way.

I would agree that we tend to stick together when there are troublemakers on the Board, but I honestly don't think that's "cliquey". It's like saying it's "cliquey" for a gang of neighbours to defend themselves against a burgular....

And what about people like Peej for example - I'm not sure whether anyone has met him but he fits in here doesn't he?

i have met that nasty young lad. and lucky yous for not meeting him, gave me wrong directions round glasgow AND to add insult to injury fed me the demon drink!

i voted yes there is a clique coz there are members who are more friendly with each other than others. though they doing exclude others but u cant deny that some are closer to others and may share 'inside' jokes. but everyone is still really friendly and welcoming and these 'inside' jokes dont occur as often as they used to.

I would agree that we tend to stick together when there are troublemakers on the Board, but I honestly don't think that's "cliquey". It's like saying it's "cliquey" for a gang of neighbours to defend themselves against a burgular....
Sometimes people arm up against difference - not really justifying defensive behaviour.

I have three modes, generally. Like, dislike and no feelings either way.


Fair enough :).

The comments made on the other board suggested that there is only one "Clique" - which is what I find so puzzling. There are certain members who get along better with each other than others, and who have the same sense of humour (obviously), but the inference that there is ONE clique and if you aren't in that you don't matter....I just don't get. :huh:

Sometimes people arm up against difference - not really justifying defensive behaviour.

I think some of the behaviour we have witnessed on here goes beyond "different" - it has been downright scarey.

The comments made on the other board suggested that there is only one "Clique" - which is what I find so puzzling. There are certain members who get along better with each other than others, and who have the same sense of humour (obviously), but the inference that there is ONE clique and if you aren't in that you don't matter....I just don't get. :huh:

Ceridwen what 'other board' are you talking about? Is it one that is talking about SO having a clique or a clique on their own board?

Ceridwen what 'other board' are you talking about? Is it one that is talking about SO having a clique or a clique on their own board?


The one we don't mention. :bag:

Leave me alone, I will get shot.

The one we don't mention. :bag:

Leave me alone, I will get shot.

So there's a thread there about cliques on this board?

will i be so daring as to be like harry potter and say voldemort?

the haunted house or gd?

I think some of the behaviour we have witnessed on here goes beyond "different" - it has been downright scarey.
I dont really know, to be honest, what you are talking about and I don't want to trivialise it either in a lighthearted way.
The way that I generally see things is, if someone throws an accusation at me, about anything, to just sit with it and ask myself, is there any truth in this. Often, for me, there is something that I can validate and something I can reject and something I can work around. I have been accused of being in a clique before, in a very negative way, and I was part of an exclusive group. Thats just how it was for a variety of reasons. If people felt rejected by that, it was their feeling .We could work it out why, firstly, they wanted to be part of my social group (obviously didnt know me very well), how I actively barred them (common language, innuendos, in house jokes etc) and seeing if there were any different ways of relating that could be explored.

The one we don't mention. :bag:

Leave me alone, I will get shot.


:laugh: :laugh:

I think I am going now before the :pooh: hits the fan. :bag:

Oh gawd, not them again. Do we really care? :closedeye

Oh gawd, not them again. Do we really care? :closedeye


No, and I can't think who started a thread about it. :ninja:

No, and I can't think who started a thread about it. :ninja:
GUILTY :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

The one we don't mention. :bag:

Leave me alone, I will get shot.

if we're talking about the box full of nuts - I find it very hard to believe that they would ever be brave enough for that amount of navel gazing... or that they could make it the slightest bit interesting with any view points that went against the perceived "party line"!! :laugh:

I voted no - I dont like the word "clique" as I have often found that it is a word used in a nasty way to describe a group of friends - usually from jealousy in my experience :glare:

I dont think that there is a clique on SO, there ARE members that go way back over years, so obviously they know each other far better, but I think the fact that this was the 1st ever forum I posted on speaks volumes for the friendliness on here.....

What I have picked up on in RL, is that a group of friends is called a "clique" AFTER someone who was part of that group has behaved in a way that is not acceptable to the dynamics of group, therefore, the group will act upon that behaviour and voice their opinion, then the person who has behaved in an unacceptable manor accuses the rest of them of being "cliquey" rather than consider that perhaps their own behaviour is at fault......

Friendship is a two way thing, all about give and take, sometimes, a person will come along who is one of lifes takers (an ex b/f springs immediately to mind :mad2: ), and as well as them not being someone who gives easily, they also have to have someone to blame when pants things happen, one of lifes "victims", nothing is ever their fault, bottom line is, life is cack at times, it happens to all of us, ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves and who and what we are, some of us learn from our mistakes and disappointments and move on ready for the next challenge that life is going to throw at us........and, unfortunately, others dont!

There endeth todays surmon from Queenie :blush:

Well said Q.

I voted no - I dont like the word "clique" as I have often found that it is a word used in a nasty way to describe a group of friends - usually from jealousy in my experience :glare:

I dont think that there is a clique on SO, there ARE members that go way back over years, so obviously they know each other far better, but I think the fact that this was the 1st ever forum I posted on speaks volumes for the friendliness on here.....

What I have picked up on in RL, is that a group of friends is called a "clique" AFTER someone who was part of that group has behaved in a way that is not acceptable to the dynamics of group, therefore, the group will act upon that behaviour and voice their opinion, then the person who has behaved in an unacceptable manor accuses the rest of them of being "cliquey" rather than consider that perhaps their own behaviour is at fault......

Friendship is a two way thing, all about give and take, sometimes, a person will come along who is one of lifes takers (an ex b/f springs immediately to mind :mad2: ), and as well as them not being someone who gives easily, they also have to have someone to blame when pants things happen, one of lifes "victims", nothing is ever their fault, bottom line is, life is cack at times, it happens to all of us, ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves and who and what we are, some of us learn from our mistakes and disappointments and move on ready for the next challenge that life is going to throw at us........and, unfortunately, others dont!

There endeth todays surmon from Queenie :blush:

The only thing that I will say about this is the numbers game. If 25 people say someone is behaving badly, is it always a case that it is as black and white as that? Yes, the individual is responsible for their behaviour but so are the 25 others responsible for theirs. As new people join, the norms of the group are stretched, that, in itself, can cause offence/defence/regrouping. Just looking at this from all sides.

In my experience, the majority rule.

Ergo, if you find yourself in an unaccepted minority and don't like it, you should try to find kindred spirits.

Either that or you tough it out and spend a lot of time fighting your corner.

Personally I wouldn't much want to stay somewhere I wasn't welcome, I would rather be with people I got along with....I used to be a rebel when I was younger but these days I frankly can't be arsed.

There is no "absolute" wrong or right, so I guess it's just a question of the company you keep....I am not sure I would call it a "clique".

but if one person has behaved badly, and 25 are upset by that behaviour, how is the responibilty with the 25?

I personally don't feel there's a clique on this board. In fact I have never have done, and this debate has come up regularly during the years I've used SO. In that time, in a self-fulfiling prophecy, the most vocal 'clique' theorists have been those whose words have upset just about every regular poster at some point or other.

Maybe Tonee's definition is different, but I still stick with the definition of 'a small exclusive group of friends'. To me the important word is 'exlusive'. I have never seen any evidence of exlusivity on SO. In fact this board, more than any other, is extremely accommodating and its members are very willing and happy not only to accept, but welcome new members into their midsts.

I see the bonds of friendship that form as a positive thing. Some are formed from the similar ideas, aspirations and sense of humour that can be gauged from the person's posts. Others have met and found that their online friendsips can develeop into real life friendships. These meetings are open to everyone and no one is excluded. Surely if such a clique existed there would be evidence of picking and choosing, but I've seen none of this.

Look at any forum, and the regular posters will make jokes that someone who hasn't been there for the same length of time, will not immediately understand. This happens in RL too. You can't expect to walk into a bar, go up to a group of people who have known eachother for years and understand all the banter.

Like in any group, if you look for the negative aspects, you will find them and your view will always be coloured by that. However, if you look for the positive aspects, of which I believe SO and its members have many, IMO you'll find the experience a lot more rewarding.

In my experience, the majority rule.

Ergo, if you find yourself in an unaccepted minority and don't like it, you should try to find kindred spirits.

Either that or you tough it out and spend a lot of time fighting your corner.

Personally I wouldn't much want to stay somewhere I wasn't welcome, I would rather be with people I got along with....I used to be a rebel when I was younger but these days I frankly can't be arsed.

There is no "absolute" wrong or right, so I guess it's just a question of the company you keep....I am not sure I would call it a "clique".
we are returning to the original argument around this. There is a difference between choice and being targeted for poor behaviour. I am all for making free choices, not really for having to fight your corner if you are being attacked by the masses.

but if one person has behaved badly, and 25 are upset by that behaviour, how is the responibilty with the 25?

I think you have just proved my point.

you're trying to revive your bullying bebate again, aren't you Tonee? :wink2:

if the 1 behaves badly once, then maybe one of the 25 gets upset. if the 1 behaves badly again, a couple more will notice and get upset too, etc, until the 25 share the same view.

the persistent poor behaviour of the 1 caused the formation of the 25, they didn't exist as a group before that, nor will they continue to exist if that behaviour ceases.

Perhaps it would help if we defined what the "bad" behaviour actually was...but I don't think we're allowed to do that and I don't know anyway :bag:

by floopy
but if one person has behaved badly, and 25 are upset by that behaviour, how is the responibilty with the 25?

I think you have just proved my point.

I dont understand how this is proving your point tonee :unsure:

me niether, but I didn't want to look stupid :ninja:

Actually, neither did I :blush:

me niether, but I didn't want to look stupid :ninja:


:laugh: cheers mate :p

We all know what tonee is getting at, and I for one am quite happy to post that I found the person concerned to be increasingly irritating and selfish and I felt well within my rights to bluddy well say so! I wasnt following a flock of sheep, I was telling it as it was from my personal point of veiw - it just so happens that OTHERS had the same point of veiw and voiced THEIR opinions too!

Apologies Hayden and other members if I have overstepped the mark here :unsure: but I am not going to "pussy foot" around it!

Got to agree with Queeenie. A lot of people tried to talk privately to the person concerned about why their behaviour was upsetting people, but that person continued to behave in the same way, even after asking what the problem was and having it explained to them in a very sympathetic manner by many people.

I do hope we're talking about the same person here :ninja:

As I said, majority rules, and to be honest it HAS to - how else could we live in any sort of society? I know it's very "right on" to say we should accept everybody's beliefs - but that would mean we accept the beliefs of people like paedophiles, racists, murderers etc as well - where do you draw the line?

That's why I don't think it's cliquey - just common sense that if the majority of people are offended by the minority, the minority should either put up or shut up.

Got to agree with Queeenie. A lot of people tried to talk privately to the person concerned about why their behaviour was upsetting people, but that person continued to behave in the same way, even after asking what the problem was and having it explained to them in a very sympathetic manner by many people.

I do hope we're talking about the same person here :ninja:

Is it me?? :ninja:

Is it me?? :ninja:

dagnabit, we have been rumbled :wallbash:

Is it me?? :ninja:

oh just get the blummin hint and sling your hook, will you?

Nice use of the word 'ergo' Ceri...though I was confused for a moment when I looked it up and mistakenly looked at Ergot = disease of grain, disease caused by eating ergot infested bread.

Ergo, I won't be making that mistake again!

you're trying to revive your bullying bebate again, aren't you Tonee? :wink2:

if the 1 behaves badly once, then maybe one of the 25 gets upset. if the 1 behaves badly again, a couple more will notice and get upset too, etc, until the 25 share the same view.

the persistent poor behaviour of the 1 caused the formation of the 25, they didn't exist as a group before that, nor will they continue to exist if that behaviour ceases.
I am not actually reviving the bullying debate although I have been consistently provoked to with the 'nice carpet' comments. Never to be allowed to die it seems.
Persistent poor behaviour. What exactly is the big crime committed? Obviously, I am not going to dissect any one individual or one behaviour but it appears that 1 person's behaviour was deemed problematic. I certainly observed a no. of people who were problematic and have continued to be so. Are 25 always right? 25 can turn into a mob? 25 can be a jury? 25 can be rational? 25 can be loopy?25 is one hell of a powerful group.
All of this chat is pointless and maybe I am disrespectful by responding to this theme again.

It was a bloody joke for Heavens sake! :wallbash:

It was a bloody joke for Heavens sake! :wallbash:
As this 'joke' followed me around for some time, it comes across more as a dig. Give me a minute to find the laughter response :laugh: yep, got it.

I am not actually reviving the bullying debate although I have been consistently provoked to with the 'nice carpet' comments. Never to be allowed to die it seems.

Am I the only one that sniggers when I read any "nice carpet" comments then?

Persistent poor behaviour. What exactly is the big crime committed?

No big crime tonee - just immature, attention seeking, and sometimes, down right insulting behaviour (if someone doesnt agree) in MY opinion


Obviously, I am not going to dissect any one individual or one behaviour but it appears that 1 person's behaviour was deemed problematic. I certainly observed a no. of people who were problematic and have continued to be so.

Im sure if there were a number of people that were being problomatic, then Hayden, as owner of the forum would have addressed the problem and dealt with it - like he did with the 2 members who had temporary bans not long ago.

Are 25 always right? 25 can turn into a mob? 25 can be a jury? 25 can be rational? 25 can be loopy?25 is one hell of a powerful group.

NO 25 are NOT always right, but SOMETIMES they will be!

All of this chat is pointless and maybe I am disrespectful by responding to this theme again.

Why is it pointless tonee, something is quite obviously bothering you :sad: so why not get it out in the open and get it sorted, rather than everyone try and guess what the problem is - we dont need speculation and gossip - its not nice and always gets messy and people get hurt!

As this 'joke' followed me around for some time, it comes across more as a dig. Give me a minute to find the laughter response :laugh: yep, got it.

Yes, I know tonee......that's why it's so irresistable to me! :ninja:

Call it my twisted sense of humour and use it to explain why I'm in a clique of one! :wink2:

BTW, the clique bit was a joke too

Groucho I hate to tell you this dear, but quite a few people understand your sense of humour so actually you're quite boring. :laugh:

I'll get me coat.... :mellow:

Am I the only one who's never understood the capret reference, and does that make me stupid?

Yes and yes max. :thumbsup:

Am I the only one who's never understood the capret reference, and does that make me stupid?


yes ......................

O and yes

Thanks fellas! I like to know where I stand. Anyone going to explain it to me?

If I were you I would join a clique Max, then you get to share the secrets of the MB.... :laugh: :laugh:

If I were you I would join a clique Max, then you get to share the secrets of the MB.... :laugh: :laugh:

It crossed my mind, Ceri, but I just can't choose between them.

Thanks fellas! I like to know where I stand. Anyone going to explain it to me?

yes you have to come round my house and get down on your hands and knees

It crossed my mind, Ceri, but I just can't choose between them.


There is ONLY ONE CLIQUE worth joining....:whistling:

yes you have to come round my house and get down on your hands and knees

What? To inspect your carpet?

There is ONLY ONE CLIQUE worth joining....:whistling:

Yeh, but I think Floopy's is pretty full.

Come on Max, you know you and Dol would be right at home with us in the powerhouse of cliquedom...

so that you can see the carpet more clearly and it would make it easier to understand if you ware a short skirt

Yeh, but I think Floopy's is pretty full.

:wub: thank you, thank you , thank you. :wub:

Come on Max, you know you and Dol would be right at home with us in the powerhouse of cliquedom...

Dol's her own woman, Ceri. She only wants to be in a sisterly clique.

so that you can see the carpet more clearly and it would make it easier to understand if you ware a short skirt

Watchit sonny, or you'll be getting another disapproving post! Not that I've given you one yet, but don't push me.

:wub: thank you, thank you , thank you. :wub:

I'm gonna have a toss up over you and Cat's farmyard animals.

I'm gonna have a toss up over you and Cat's farmyard animals.


Isn't having a toss up over farmyard animals illegal? :unsure:

she doesn't really have any of those things, she's lying to gain friends. You wait and see

It occurs to me that the posts on this thread don't match the actual results on the voting.

At this point in time 27 people have voted, and less than half of those think that there isn't a clique on the forum. 4 people fall into the "don't know" camp (and I think I was one of them) and 10 people have voted that clique's exist.

To read the posts on this thread, it looks as though an overwhelming majority do not think cliques are here yet the voting indicates that the majority is rather slimmer.

I'd say that some people might feel differently about this forum that the majority of people who have posted here, yet for some reason are not wanting to say so.

There is ONLY ONE CLIQUE worth joining Surely the best clique is the one that can offer advantages that the others can't.... Which one has the best advantages and what are they?

Surely the best clique is the one that can offer advantages that the others can't.... Which one has the best advantages and what are they?


My one is best as it has all the BEST PEOPLE.

Surely the best clique is the one that can offer advantages that the others can't.... Which one has the best advantages and what are they? Well Im in Ceri's, mainly cos she was the first to show me her knickers and she seemed to appreciate me flashing my norks :w00t: .....

PS. As far as the original question goes, seriously, no there isnt a clique on here. What a load of old b*llocks.

My one is best as it has all the BEST PEOPLE.

But what advantages can you offer me?

I'd say that some people might feel differently about this forum that the majority of people who have posted here, yet for some reason are not wanting to say so.

I suppose if these people believe there is a clique and they feel that in a negative way, then they're worried of a bad reaction if they come out and say it.

It occurs to me that the posts on this thread don't match the actual results on the voting.

At this point in time 27 people have voted, and less than half of those think that there isn't a clique on the forum. 4 people fall into the "don't know" camp (and I think I was one of them) and 10 people have voted that clique's exist.

To read the posts on this thread, it looks as though an overwhelming majority do not think cliques are here yet the voting indicates that the majority is rather slimmer.

I'd say that some people might feel differently about this forum that the majority of people who have posted here, yet for some reason are not wanting to say so.


I think this demonstrates the state of mind Gov. There obviously ISN'T a clique on here (or the voting would be more conclusive), but the people who BELIEVE there is one don't contribute anything to the thread- thus reinforcing the belief that there IS a clique.

It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

But what advantages can you offer me?

I'll let you see my baps? :ninja:

I am off for a lie-down after reading this!! :blink: Cliques............don't talk to me about cliques. :w00t: For the record, I don't think the board is cliquey at all, there are friendships no doubt but considering by the amount of newbies that we have in recent times, who have settled in remarkably well, it really shows that there are no cliques.

I'll let you see my baps? :ninja:

Is that an advantage though, Ceridwen? :ninja: :shutup:

I'll let you see my baps? :ninja:

I asked for the advantages not the disadvantages :ninja:

I'll let you see my baps? :ninja:

Hang on a second!

That wasn't on offer when I joined! :ranting:

It occurs to me that the posts on this thread don't match the actual results on the voting.

At this point in time 27 people have voted, and less than half of those think that there isn't a clique on the forum. 4 people fall into the "don't know" camp (and I think I was one of them) and 10 people have voted that clique's exist.

To read the posts on this thread, it looks as though an overwhelming majority do not think cliques are here yet the voting indicates that the majority is rather slimmer.

I'd say that some people might feel differently about this forum that the majority of people who have posted here, yet for some reason are not wanting to say so.

Then I would assume that there have been people who have voted but havent posted a comment.......especially as the most of us that HAVE posted have said that they dont feel there is a clique.....

The other thing that springs to mind, is that perhaps there are members who may be a little more sensitive than others, or members who perhaps interpret things differently, but that is their own insecurity imho..... if you dont like what you are seeing/hearing, then dont stick around.....I know this sounds a bit harsh, but if I was repeatedly offended by SO members posts, I would **** off somewhere else, that way I wouldnt be offended.......

Its like people moaning about programmes on the telly..... if you dont like it, your telly has an OFF button!!

Hang on a second!

That wasn't on offer when I joined! :ranting:

She obviously wants me more, than she does you! :laugh:

Its like people moaning about programmes on the telly..... if you dont like it, your telly has an OFF button!!

One of the TV authorities (cant remember which one) upheld a complaint about Playboy TV a few weeks ago!

Someone complained that the sexual content was more than they expected! :wacko:

WTF were they expecting when they paid for their subscription! :laugh:

One of the TV authorities (cant remember which one) upheld a complaint about Playboy TV a few weeks ago!

Someone complained that the sexual content was more than they expected! :wacko:

WTF were they expecting when they paid for their subscription! :laugh:

:w00t: typical!!!!

I think this demonstrates the state of mind Gov. There obviously ISN'T a clique on here (or the voting would be more conclusive), but the people who BELIEVE there is one don't contribute anything to the thread- thus reinforcing the belief that there IS a clique.

It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

I don't think the voting is actually inconclusive. At this point its almost 50:50, and there are less people who state categorically that there isn't a clique, than there are people who either think there is, or are uncertain either way.

I'm of the opinion that there are no cliques here. I really think that this place seems welcoming without being sickly sweet and creepy. The posters here are amusing and interesting, and although I have witnessed some run-in's recently with one of the guys, I think that he pushed it to happen by refusing to conform to the social norms of this forum. But I have to say that to some extent, I think he was provoked into being offensive by people here who cleverly exploited his weaknesses, encouraged him to be irritating, and then sat back and watched the crap hit the fan.....Sort of bloodsport, if you like that kind of thing.

Reading through this thread I find much to agree with in Tonee's posts. The "25" may not be a clique, but neither are they always as pure as the driven snow. Intolerance is a great divider.

I think the point is though, whether or not the "25" were acting as a bunch of 25 against 1, of whether it was a case of 25 separate 1 one 1s.

I think the point is though, whether or not the "25" were acting as a bunch of 25 against 1, of whether it was a case of 25 separate 1 one 1s.

Good point!

From what I could see, it was 25 separate 1's. The point I was making though was that not all of the 25 individuals behaved in a noble and tolerant fashion themselves, so their outrage against the ostracised member seemed a little misplaced. Many did of course, but others merely made the situation worse - deliberately I think.

It made very interesting viewing.

I think he was provoked into being offensive by people here who cleverly exploited his weaknesses, encouraged him to be irritating, and then sat back and watched the crap hit the fan.....Sort of bloodsport, if you like that kind of thing.

Yes, but that's not all we're good at. :naughty:

This site has lots more to offer. :w00t:

I think it is fair to say that some of us quite enjoy a bit of controversy and also a so-called "unpleasant" atmosphere. Personally I find it extremely entertaining, and I wish to state my right to this opinion as an oppressed minority. :laugh:

The other thing that springs to mind, is that perhaps there are members who may be a little more sensitive than others, or members who perhaps interpret things differently, but that is their own insecurity imho.....

Don't mean to be offensive here, but I think that it is a little arrogant to suggest that if people are more sensitive than you, or if they interpret things differently to you, then they must be "insecure". :) It might be that they are really astute and can see things that you are too dense or thick skinned to notice....

I'm not saying that that is the case or anything, but different interpretations are not always down to negative reasons.

I think there is a difference between being sensitive and being insecure. I know when people are fed up with me, but I canl choose to ignore it and deal with that if I want, or just accept it and leave. Others are insecure (i.e. perceive ill intent when perhaps it ISN'T there, as well as when it IS) but are not necessarily SENSITIVE (i.e. don't even understand WHY they are annoying everyone in the first place). Or perhaps being "perceptive" would be a better way of putting it....I think I know when I annoy people and why, but most of the time I don't confront them on it because I think they have the right to feel that way if they want, and I don't feel the need to be liked by EVERYBODY, so that's that. I think insecure people tend to want approval from everyone, and consequently tend to react badly to any criticism.

And I wish I could remember what my point was...:unsure:

Don't mean to be offensive here, but I think that it is a little arrogant to suggest that if people are more sensitive than you, or if they interpret things differently to you, then they must be "insecure". :) It might be that they are really astute and can see things that you are too dense or thick skinned to notice....

I'm not saying that that is the case or anything, but different interpretations are not always down to negative reasons.

no offense taken, im very arrogant :wink2: I can be intolerant and I do try my best to keep an open mind, with age I have learnt to mull things over before opening my big fat gob........ but sometimes, even when I have mulled it over, I feel the same about it!

I also enjoy my time on SO BECAUSE of the different points of view that I get to see, and on some occassions I have CHANGED my opinion because of what I have learnt from others......

It makes me larf threads like these..we all know what the underline meaning is. One was recently started else where under the title of 'Bullying'.

In a community such as this is..if some one comes in and goes round deliberately or not, upsetting members of that community, the said community is surely going to close ranks and defend.

Internet forums have an advantage over real life...you can just click delete and in your real world it really never did happen....we come on here for fun, entertainment and stimulation.....we are like minded.

If you are not like minded, bogg off else where - the internet is a big place and I'm sure a suitable site is out there somewhere for all of us.

Amen.
x

Could you post a clikcy for yours please Cat? I'd like to take a look :naughty:

Could you post a clikcy for yours please Cat? I'd like to take a look :naughty:

Ahrr now that is very special...the last thing I want is people coming on and driving down the wrong side of the road, causing problems then being annoyed about being told so..and having a possey of like minded supporters getting upset at the injustice of it all ..even tho it is so obvious they are driving down the wrong side of the road..

Then I would assume that there have been people who have voted but havent posted a comment.......especially as the most of us that HAVE posted have said that they dont feel there is a clique.....

The other thing that springs to mind, is that perhaps there are members who may be a little more sensitive than others, or members who perhaps interpret things differently, but that is their own insecurity imho..... if you dont like what you are seeing/hearing, then dont stick around.....I know this sounds a bit harsh, but if I was repeatedly offended by SO members posts, I would **** off somewhere else, that way I wouldnt be offended.......

Its like people moaning about programmes on the telly..... if you dont like it, your telly has an OFF button!!
What actually confirms cliqueness to me is that so many people state absolutely not without pausing to even question some possibility of exclusivity. The insecurity comments are hysterical!

I don't think the voting is actually inconclusive. At this point its almost 50:50, and there are less people who state categorically that there isn't a clique, than there are people who either think there is, or are uncertain either way.


Reading through this thread I find much to agree with in Tonee's posts. The "25" may not be a clique, but neither are they always as pure as the driven snow. Intolerance is a great divider.
You are definitely in my clique!!!
The results could be interpreted 11 say yes +dont knows (devils advocate) that there is positively cliqueness!

What actually confirms cliqueness to me is that so many people state absolutely not without pausing to even question some possibility of exclusivity. The insecurity comments are hysterical!


Glad I could move you to hysteria with my comments!!

The results could be interpreted 11 say yes +dont knows (devils advocate) that there is positively cliqueness!


I think you may be right tonee. In fact I know you are. But I don't think they are nasty cliques, just people on the same wavelength about a variety of topics.

I think you may be right tonee. In fact I know you are. But I don't think they are nasty cliques, just people on the same wavelength about a variety of topics.
I absolutely agree with you Dol.

Glad I could move you to hysteria with my comments!!
Sorry, no offence meant, just made me hoot with laughter. I disagree but with respect. Like your ability to shoot from the hip.

The thing is tonee, it's a pretty relaxed place here for the most part.

Most people who have been here for a while and continue to return do so because they like it here.

They dont think about how popular they are, or whether they're part of the right gang, or the in-crowd. They just come, read, post, laugh, occasionally get a bit hot under the collar. (At least that's my interpretation of what happens)

But, then there are others, who for whatever reason, do seem to have some sort of axe to grind, which does indeed often seem to be linked to their own insecurity about whether they are popular, respected, considered funny etc.

This MB is very like RL in many ways......you cant just show up one day, post a zillion times in every thread and just expect people to like you.

It takes time. Eventually the real person comes out anyway, so what's the point in rushing?

The thing is tonee, it's a pretty relaxed place here for the most part.

Most people who have been here for a while and continue to return do so because they like it here.

They dont think about how popular they are, or whether they're part of the right gang, or the in-crowd. They just come, read, post, laugh, occasionally get a bit hot under the collar. (At least that's my interpretation of what happens)

But, then there are others, who for whatever reason, do seem to have some sort of axe to grind, which does indeed often seem to be linked to their own insecurity about whether they are popular, respected, considered funny etc.

This MB is very like RL in many ways......you cant just show up one day, post a zillion times in every thread and just expect people to like you.

It takes time. Eventually the real person comes out anyway, so what's the point in rushing?
Hey, hold on there. I would offer a perspective/argument of what brand of tissue you used simply because I like to argue/debate/contend/whatever. I actually like that people like each other and that people dislike each other. All fine by me. How we all navigate difference is the common denominator for me really in any thread. Aspirin groucho? Giving them away free now!

I am not actually reviving the bullying debate although I have been consistently provoked to with the 'nice carpet' comments. Never to be allowed to die it seems.

And which you seem to be happy to resurrect. Tonee, I bet you're a right barrel of laughs to live with!

May I ask a serious question - why have you felt the need to make over 20 posts so far in this thread?

May I ask a serious question - why have you felt the need to make over 20 posts so far in this thread?

Unfair point SF. and while we're talking about points....what point are you trying to make?

In my experience, the majority rule.

Ergo, if you find yourself in an unaccepted minority and don't like it, you should try to find kindred spirits.

Either that or you tough it out and spend a lot of time fighting your corner.

Personally I wouldn't much want to stay somewhere I wasn't welcome, I would rather be with people I got along with....I used to be a rebel when I was younger but these days I frankly can't be arsed.



Ceri you've just described my relationship with folk at work and I'm the minority! :bag:
I was having a chat with my boss about things and he more or less said the same thing, if I don't like it I should go somewhere else. But why should I? When I went for my interview they never said I was going to work for "cliques R us"
So I suppose I'm toughing it out and fighting my corner. I have two people on my side. The clique in our place have named themselves "The tea group" this is because they all go for tea at the same time. I used to, but I excluded myself from that group because I felt uncomfortable being around them, my choice to leave "the tea group" but it didn’t feel much of a choice One way this group showed their cliqueiness is by buying a birthday card for another girl. Big deal you might think! But as a rule we don't buy cards for each other. But this year they bought a really funny card for one person but didn't ask the rest of us if we would like to sign it even though we all like this girl very much. They put it up in the locker room for everyone to view and showed it to the boss's wife and said it's just from "our little tea group" of course the rest of us then felt excluded and mean!
The majority rule but they are not always right.
I liken the majority at my work place to one bully surrounded my several henchmen, some of the henchmen have even admitted that they hate the bully but she is better to have as a friend rather than an enemy.
But I will fight the enemy! (trumpets play) :pimp:
But to get back to SO if I didn’t fit in from the start I would leave and if I felt it was just one or two people making me unwelcome but I got on with others really well then I would hit the ignore button for those members concerned.

And if I were sure I was being excluded I wouldn’t pretend otherwise and carry on trying to win folk over!

And which you seem to be happy to resurrect. Tonee, I bet you're a right barrel of laughs to live with!

May I ask a serious question - why have you felt the need to make over 20 posts so far in this thread?
Nice to know your counting SF. I will make as many posts as I want, thank you.
I am known for my sense of humour, so thank you again, i am a good laugh to live with. Glad you can appreciate that from afar.

Nice to know your counting SF. I will make as many posts as I want, thank you.
I am known for my sense of humour, so thank you again, i am a good laugh to live with. Glad you can appreciate that from afar.
tonee you just go round and round with the same point..disguising it in different threads.

You were ****ed off about Woodstock, we were ****ed off he stayed for so long...why don't you just say it.

xxx

Oh - not the old "Do we/don't we have cliques" routine again......

Of course the nutts in the haunted sanitarium are going to say its cliquey here. They've all been rejected from SO because of the way they have interracted with people here, and they have to validate their own behaviour somehow. It can't possibly be they they have in any way provoked the rejection - it has to be that we are all part of a big, nasty mob. Why do we even justify those comments with a response - particularly 1 that has over 150 replies in it!!!!

Are there cliques here? Depends on your definition of the word "clique". If you think a "clique" is another word for a "mob", then no. I have been a member of a forum which had a definite "clique" of that kind. Those places don't last because the "clique" eventually exclude everyone apart from themselves at which point it gets boring for them. They have no-one left to exclude so they stop posting and the forum dies. This place has been going for the best part of 4 years and continues to grow. The way I see it, if there was a powerful, exclusive clique here, this place would not be so enduring.

You were ****ed off about Woodstock, we were ****ed off he stayed for so long...why don't you just say it.

xxx

Actually, I think tonee makes some bluddy good points without needing to mention names. And actually, I'm not sure that everyone was p****ed off that Woodstock stuck around as long as he did, so do you mean "we" as in the rest of the forum, or do you mean "we" as in "the clique".

Sorry Cat, don't mean to pick on your post, but you seem to be speaking for everyone there and I'm not sure where you get your information. I'm fairly certain that there are at least some people here who were not in the slightest bit bothered by Woodstock.

Edited: Second thoughts and all that. I have no axe to grind.

OK ******s may be too strong a term..but for the first time ever in posting on websites - this is the 3rd I have been involved in - I was actually made to feel uncomfortable by Woodstock. His posting of threads that mainly featured me and quotes by me was bordering on abuse...I was very close to reporting him, but decided to leave it be. I have tonight discovered other things about this person that is actually abuse, but it's up to those involved to say.

I would like to see this person banned from here for good.

Elaboration over.
x

Heck - I'd already edited my post.

Fair enough Cat - no need to explain really, although it does help clarify your meaning. At first reading it looked as though you were referring to Tonee, which seemed a bit OTT....

Re: Woodstock. He never personally bothered me. He never quoted me, argued with me, or challenged me and in fact, I doubt I said two words to the guy the whole time he was here. I did hear some things about him, but without any personal axe to grind its just.......hearsay. I imagine its much the same with Tonee.

I do appreciate that your experience is different, and actually I had noticed on at least 1 ocassion that he seemed to be acting argumentatively and unreasonably with you. Obviously, all this will colour your opinion of the guy. Which is fair enough.

tonee you just go round and round with the same point..disguising it in different threads.

You were ****ed off about Woodstock, we were ****ed off he stayed for so long...why don't you just say it.

xxx
The reason I dont say it is because it is no longer true. I dealt with it at the time. It is gone for me. The associations from this thread to another were not introduced by me. I've responded (maybe wrongly) but this matter is dead and gone.

OK ******s may be too strong a term..but for the first time ever in posting on websites - this is the 3rd I have been involved in - I was actually made to feel uncomfortable by Woodstock. His posting of threads that mainly featured me and quotes by me was bordering on abuse...I was very close to reporting him, but decided to leave it be. I have tonight discovered other things about this person that is actually abuse, but it's up to those involved to say.

I would like to see this person banned from here for good.

Elaboration over.
x
Unfortunately, no-one can make you feel anything. One of the realisations for me is that what you post on this, or any other forum, is up for grabs. Rule of thumb is to think of the worst person in your life getting hold of your words/images and managing your posts that way. That is not meant to direct you, I am really just sharing how I think about my own management of things here.
I think fair enough if you have reasonable criticism of any member based on their actions. Reporting to the Mods/Hayden is the relevant course of action if you cant sort out the problem between yourselves.

I think this thread is quite funny. I voted yes to cliques. My understanding of what a clique is, is a form of group. Generally there is a core membership where there are definite norms of the group, acceptable language of communication, pull to homogeneity i.e. sameness; then a primary circle of people who communicate with the core members individually which is apparent on SO where everyone dialogues on the forum and feels welcomed; thirdly a secondary membership of people who communicate infrequently, on the periphery, almost non members. The people who say that whenever they do post, they feel welcomed.

In my understanding, a clique is an observation and not,as some people have posted, people with an axe to grind against members of the forum. It is not necessarily emotional in itself although that is a fair component. It can be viewed as positive i.e. core members organising a meet and inviting all the layers or negative, pack behaviour.

My view for what its worth.

five cents isn't it??:wink2:

five cents isn't it??:wink2:
You hit in on the nail here. Lucy.

Why is it pointless tonee, something is quite obviously bothering you :sad: so why not get it out in the open and get it sorted, rather than everyone try and guess what the problem is - we dont need speculation and gossip - its not nice and always gets messy and people get hurt!
To be honest Queenie, nothing is bothering me at all. I really have no big emotions around this subject. I am aware that a lot of members think I do but maybe it is my style of writing that is contributing to that. I can talk about anything really but not really be involved in it. So sorry if I have contributed to you or anyone else thinking I am making silent digs at people. I am totally not bothered.

Yes, I know tonee......that's why it's so irresistable to me! :ninja:

Call it my twisted sense of humour and use it to explain why I'm in a clique of one! :wink2:

BTW, the clique bit was a joke too
Now Groucho, I can actually appreciate your sense of humour around this. I can take the ribbing.

If I were you I would join a clique Max, then you get to share the secrets of the MB.... :laugh: :laugh:
You play on others weaknesses in order to recruit members. You are sinking lower and lower Ceri.

Unfair point SF. and while we're talking about points....what point are you trying to make?

That the lady 'has issues'.

Unfortunately, no-one can make you feel anything.
Tonee can you clarify this for me. What do you mean by it?? I am not being dense I just don't get the angle your coming from....

That the lady 'has issues'.

You do make me laugh. I assume you are referring to me. I think you may be attributing to me more investment than I actually have in an old issue now. I can talk about people and groups and dynamics until the cows come home, thats just me.

Tonee can you clarify this for me. What do you mean by it?? I am not being dense I just don't get the angle your coming from....

Sorry Buzz, let me explain. Your feelings about anything, anyone, any situation all belong to you. It may be that you feel something definite i.e. revulsion, love, annoyance, anger, in response to a specific someone or a situation but it remains that it is your feeling still. An example, I have a problem with my manager at work, and I feel quite annoyed in response to her behaviour towards me. She is not the problem but how her behaviour affects me. So to deal with it, I would say something like, I feel x in response to your behaviour. She does not have the power to make me feel anything, it is all in the relationship between the two of us, and I contribute to that.
Does that make sense?

Sorry Buzz, let me explain. Your feelings about anything, anyone, any situation all belong to you. It make be that you feel in response to someone or a situation but it remains that it is your feeling still. An example, I have a problem with my manager at work, and I feel quite annoyed in response to her behaviour towards me. She is not the problem but how her behaviour affects me. So to deal with it, I would say something like, I feel x in response to your behaviour. She does not have the power to make me feel anything, it is all in the relationship between the two of us, and I contribute to that.
Does that make sense?

I see your point Tonee, but I do think that you have to be one controlled person to really behave like that!! How can anyone possibly be that 'reasonable' with their emotions?? surely we need a range of emotions and to be able to express them. I for one would not take on the responsibility of someone upsetting me by thinking the way you have described...people sometimes annoy or upset me and I think I have a right to say to them 'you really ****ed me off/upset me' Other people in our lives do have the power to make us feel, if not why would we fall in love, get married, get divorced etc....feelings are NOT someithing that we have total control over and I for one am glad about it.
All that said... this is M opinion and not one I think you will share...but thats ok.

I see your point Tonee, but I do think that you have to be one controlled person to really behave like that!! How can anyone possibly be that 'reasonable' with their emotions?? surely we need a range of emotions and to be able to express them. I for one would not take on the responsibility of someone upsetting me by thinking the way you have described...people sometimes annoy or upset me and I think I have a right to say to them 'you really ****ed me off/upset me' Other people in our lives do have the power to make us feel, if not why would we fall in love, get married, get divorced etc....feelings are NOT someithing that we have total control over and I for one am glad about it.
All that said... this is M opinion and not one I think you will share...but thats ok.
I have lectured in this area for a couple of years. I can see you arguing your way through that, which is fine. It is probably too early to go further into this, but it is not really about control, more about personal boundaries and inter-relationships ie 2 people feeling in response to one another but not one dominating anothers feelings. That smells of unhealthy relationships.
We can differ on this, that's fine by me. Not making much sense to myself on this subject right now.

Jeezzzz this threads long.....

Can't be ar5ed to read back over it but just had a look at the members list and as yet still no Clique.



Did I miss something?

Jeezzzz this threads long.....

Can't be ar5ed to read back over it but just had a look at the members list and as yet still no Clique.



Me neither but I did notice there was no option for "Couldn't give a toss if there is or not" :book:

The day you realise you are truly grown-up is the day you realise you couldn't give a toss about cliques. :rolleyes: and then make up a new cliche about it :smartie:

The day you realise you are truly grown-up is the day you realise you couldn't give a toss about cliques.


:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I am understanding what you are saying Tonee. For example, if someone says something to upset me, I can choose whether I wish to get upset about it or I choose to walk away. So therefore it is about me controlling my own feelings. To say to someone "you have upset me" is just not true. What it should be is "I feel upset because of what you have said/done".

You play on others weaknesses in order to recruit members. You are sinking lower and lower Ceri.


I really, really hope this comment IS a joke! If you are suggesting I am taking this "Ceridwen's Clique" thing seriously tonee, you need to find your sense of humour! The whole point was to lighten the mood for people who were getting hacked off with this thread, there is nothing sinister about it....that would be too ridiculous to contemplate. (For God's sake I didn't even have a "gang" when I was at school!)

Anyway can I just clarify something ... the comments in the Natterbox were not recent, I saw them a while ago, and I can't remember where they were made. They prompted me to think about starting a thread, but I didn't get round to it at the time. I also have to make it clear that I didn't have any motivation in starting this thread except to find out what people thought - though it has taken on a life on its own!

But my original question still remains unanswered really - if there IS a clique here - who's in it?

I really, really hope this comment IS a joke!Looks like a joke to me. Simmer not, Ceri. x
But my original question still remains unanswered really - if there IS a clique here - who's in it?I'm with Spooky: who cares?! :D

Looks like a joke to me. Simmer not, Ceri.

Well like I said I hope so - but it was posted among several other very "serious" comments so it could easily be taken seriously! If it WAS a joke, then fine....believe it or not I actually didn't start this ruddy thread to have a pop at anybody! :D

I actually didn't start this ruddy thread to have a pop at anybody! :DSurely you want to have a pop at me.


Please?

:D

Don't worry Blink, if I don't get you, my Clique Army will! :laugh:

Don't worry Blink, if I don't get you, my Clique Army will! :laugh::sick: Urg. Not them. No thanks.

:D

To be honest Queenie, nothing is bothering me at all. I really have no big emotions around this subject. I am aware that a lot of members think I do but maybe it is my style of writing that is contributing to that. I can talk about anything really but not really be involved in it. So sorry if I have contributed to you or anyone else thinking I am making silent digs at people. I am totally not bothered.

It must be the style of your writing then tonee :)

I interpreted your posts as having a "hidden meaning" and felt that you were upset or offended by something/someone in particular - therefore I couldnt see the point of hedging around the problem as it would only "fester"....... but then not everyone is as vocal as me, the big gobsh*te :blush: :laugh:

I really, really hope this comment IS a joke!

I'm pretty sure it was a joke Ceri.

As to whether or not there is a clique here, why are we even asking the question? We're happy here for the most part and I don't see why we should let a few comments from elsewhere alter that.

They have a bit of an axe to grind over at Natterbox with this forum in general, which they despise beyond contempt. They are never, ever, going to say anything good about SO or its members, some of whom they believe to be deranged psychopaths. :laugh: They have their reasons for this, but I'm amazed that any criticism that takes place over there makes its way over here. I can't believe that anyone is honestly surprised by the fact that they don't fawn over us, despite the fact that they are unable to keep away. :laugh:

Besides from what I could see, the few comments that were made over there were positively restrained compared to what has been said in the past. Perhaps they are learning to get over it and move on.

Perhaps we should too.

Crikey, they must be laughing their heads off reading this thread (because you KNOW they will have read it). Must brighten up their day no end.

Looking at the results though, it seems a significant number of people AREN'T happy.....but what I'm still not sure about is WHY as no one has really come forward and said what this clique is, who's in it, and what effect it has. Only tonee has come forward to express any sort of opinion on it. As Gov said earlier, only the people who don't think there's a clique have posted here in the main. What galls me a bit is that almost 50% of people think there IS one (so they are hardly in a minority) and yet they can't be bothered to contribute by telling us what they're actually talking about! So are the rest of justified in calling these 48% (or whatever they are) a "clique" for not joining in? Why are these people all silent? They can hardly claim they're a minority can they? :unsure:

They are never, ever, going to say anything good about SO or its members, some of whom they believe to be deranged psychopaths. :laugh:

Is this anyone we know here???

http://www.dansdata.com/psycho.htm


btw.....who might they be?? Do we have stalkers here then??


Just remembered....must add this

A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar, gets a beer and sits down.

Then, the M1 walks in. He says, "I've had a really bad day and you do not wanna mess with me!"

The black tarmac tells him to calm down and asks if he wants to join him for a drink.

The M1 and the black tarmac sit down together.

Then, the Dual Carriageway walks in. He says, "I have had a really, really bad day and you do not wanna mess with me".

The black tarmac and the M1 tell him to calm down and the Dual Carriageway joins them for a drink.

Just then, a piece of green tarmac walks in and the black tarmac starts shaking and whimpering. The bartender asks if anything's wrong and the black tarmac replies,

"You don't wanna mess with him... he's a cycle path!!"

Looking at the results though, it seems a significant number of people AREN'T happy.....but what I'm still not sure about is WHY as no one has really come forward and said what this clique is, who's in it, and what effect it has. Only tonee has come forward to express any sort of opinion on it. As Gov said earlier, only the people who don't think there's a clique have posted here in the main. What galls me a bit is that almost 50% of people think there IS one (so they are hardly in a minority) and yet they can't be bothered to contribute by telling us what they're actually talking about! So are the rest of justified in calling these 48% (or whatever they are) a "clique" for not joining in? Why are these people all silent? They can hardly claim they're a minority can they? :unsure:

Yes, that's true, but I'm not sure what will be achieved by pursuing this.

If the people who think that there is a clique are not prepared to state that and specify why they think that, then there is not much that can be done. We can't second-guess who potential clique members might be.

But frankly, they might have good reasons why the don't want to stand up and be counted. Perhaps they are frightend to "name names" - I wouldn't blame them if they were. The "name game" is risky, the allegation is difficult to "prove" and it could cause offense.

Alternatively, perhaps they are afraid they will be "attacked" for thier view. Look at how tonee has been challenged by daring to offer a view which in some small way opposes the majority opinion. I think that she has been very strong and dignified in the way she has handled it, but not everyone would have the stomach to fight their corner so succinctly. Could you honestly say that if someone admitted that they thought there was a clique, and named the people that they thoughts belonged to the group, that their opinion would be respected and listend to? It's my bet that their opinion would be attacked, ridiculed and referred to in other unrelated threads in a "jokey" fashion.

I have to be honest and say that if I was among those who believed a clique exists, I think I'd be reluctant to say outright that it was my opinion. I did it once before, and it led to Haydon closing the forum for several months (remember the "Feeling Disillusioned" thread?). If there was ever a thread I felt bad about, it was that one. It led to so much ill feeling and so many accusations which, in truth, have never really gone away since.

If people haven't stated already who they think is in a clique, they are not likely to now. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.

(remember the "Feeling Disillusioned" thread?). If there was ever a thread I felt bad about, it was that one. It led to so much ill feeling and so many accusations which, in truth, have never really gone away since.


KH, I don't think you should feel bad if your words led to a can of worms opening. They may have been your words, but it wasn't your can and they weren't your worms.

The day you realise you are truly grown-up is the day you realise you couldn't give a toss about cliques.

If you are in you are in if you are not in its not worth being in

who cares

Good point sf, but I do hope that those worms dont see the light of day again.

I'm thinking it really is time for us to move on. :cool:

Good point sf, but I do hope that those worms dont see the light of day again.

I'm thinking it really is time for us to move on. :cool:

I think we have here, Groucho, well at least I hope we have. If people can't move on after over 2 years then they are the ones with the issues.

Karen, don't beat yourself up all over again, ain't worth it and you know that at the time it was the right thing to do. :)

KH, I don't think you should feel bad if your words led to a can of worms opening. They may have been your words, but it wasn't your can and they weren't your worms.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

True.

But I'd hate to see history repeat itself here.

Karen whilst they thread did cause divisions and upset, they were already there and being swept under the carpet. It's important to air views, otherwise it will be repressed and will come back time and time again. So don't feel badly about that thread, it had to happen.

When ever people get together groups form you can’t stop that it's human nature

Some are welcomed in to the group but if they turn out to be someone who is not a very nice person then the group makes it uncomfortable for them so that they don’t stay

So you know what whoever you are

If coming on here is not making you happy you should take the hint and go somewhere else

After all in real life if every time you went to a club or pub they all took the **** out of you or made snide remarks about you or grouped together and left you out

You would have to be an idiot to keep going back there





No matter what you say if people don’t like you

trying to tell them that they are a bully or in a clique will not change that

so ignore it and stay

Or leave

You can not force people to like you

Oi Karen you dividing meddling muppet....


You've got everyone harping back 2 years to a thread that caused the downfall of the only virtual world some know....how dare you?!?!

Get a grip girl....start some NEW bovva for the masses to shreak and wail about!!!!

Oi Karen you dividing meddling muppet....


You've got everyone harping back 2 years to a thread that caused the downfall of the only virtual world some know....how dare you?!?!

Get a grip girl....start some NEW bovva for the masses to shreak and wail about!!!!

Oooh - I think we've had enough wailing and gnashing of teeth for the last 160 posts in this thread. And very entertaining it has been too.

I'm not keen to see people naming cliques or setting themselves up for a fall, but that aside the thread thus far has been a wheeze. Just enough tension bubbling under the sruface to keep it interesting. :laugh:

And I'm sure the crew over at Natterbox have been equally entertained, so everyone's happy. :laugh:

All's well that ends well.

I really, really hope this comment IS a joke! If you are suggesting I am taking this "Ceridwen's Clique" thing seriously tonee, you need to find your sense of humour! The whole point was to lighten the mood for people who were getting hacked off with this thread, there is nothing sinister about it....that would be too ridiculous to contemplate. (For God's sake I didn't even have a "gang" when I was at school!)

Anyway can I just clarify something ... the comments in the Natterbox were not recent, I saw them a while ago, and I can't remember where they were made. They prompted me to think about starting a thread, but I didn't get round to it at the time. I also have to make it clear that I didn't have any motivation in starting this thread except to find out what people thought - though it has taken on a life on its own!

But my original question still remains unanswered really - if there IS a clique here - who's in it?
Ceri my comments were totally made in jest, a leftover from our competition yesterday. I dont think I ever want to meet anyone here as I seem to cause offence after offence after offence. Need a drink myself. I will sink into oblivion in the bar!!

Yes, that's true, but I'm not sure what will be achieved by pursuing this.

If the people who think that there is a clique are not prepared to state that and specify why they think that, then there is not much that can be done. We can't second-guess who potential clique members might be.

But frankly, they might have good reasons why the don't want to stand up and be counted. Perhaps they are frightend to "name names" - I wouldn't blame them if they were. The "name game" is risky, the allegation is difficult to "prove" and it could cause offense.

Alternatively, perhaps they are afraid they will be "attacked" for thier view. Look at how tonee has been challenged by daring to offer a view which in some small way opposes the majority opinion. I think that she has been very strong and dignified in the way she has handled it, but not everyone would have the stomach to fight their corner so succinctly. Could you honestly say that if someone admitted that they thought there was a clique, and named the people that they thoughts belonged to the group, that their opinion would be respected and listend to? It's my bet that their opinion would be attacked, ridiculed and referred to in other unrelated threads in a "jokey" fashion.

I have to be honest and say that if I was among those who believed a clique exists, I think I'd be reluctant to say outright that it was my opinion. I did it once before, and it led to Haydon closing the forum for several months (remember the "Feeling Disillusioned" thread?). If there was ever a thread I felt bad about, it was that one. It led to so much ill feeling and so many accusations which, in truth, have never really gone away since.

If people haven't stated already who they think is in a clique, they are not likely to now. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Thanks Karen. Makes a different kind of read for me, which is good.
I personally dont give a hoot about groupings myself. Time to let this debate go and whatever associations it has.

Ceri my comments were totally made in jest, a leftover from our competetion yesterday. I dont think I ever want to meet anyone here as I seem to cause offence after offence after offence.

Aww Tonee, that post just makes me feel bad. For what it's worth, you've never offended me and I've often found your views on a variety of subjects interesting and well worth reading.

I expect you'll receive a PM before too long with an unexpected invitation to another site. Probably from someone called "Snowball". So every cloud etc.

Tonee I think you make some good and very interesting comments. I also know you can handle yourself well. Go girl!

tonee I did PM you and say sorry if your comments were a joke...I think it helps sometimes to use smilies in these situations as it can be difficult to tell whether someone is being serious or not when the comments are not made face to face. :)

I don't have any axe to grind with you at all - I just think that your posts are usually very serious and therefore it is hard to tell when you are joking at times! But you do speak your mind and I don't think you should stop doing that, otherwise what's the point of this MB?

Anyway I too am a bit tired of this thread - it has turned in to an avalanche. Therefore I would be more than happy if the Mods want to lock it to avoid further grief! :D

Anyway I too am a bit tired of this thread - it has turned in to an avalanche. Therefore I would be more than happy if the Mods want to lock it to avoid further grief! :D


Aww Ceri - I know how you feel. Sometimes the threads just snowball along out of control.

I'd be happy to see this one locked up. Must