Now........where do I start? Bad news, for various reasons we have had to pull out of our house sale. Needless to say we are all devestated and Katie who is 7 is particulary upset. We are going to be giving her a room a complete make-over, it isn't going to take her mind off moving to a new house but we hope it will help.

The problem I have is that she is having problems at school with one girl in particular who is becoming a bone of contention. She is quite a manipulative little girl and last week it was another one of Katie's friend but she now appears to have moved onto Katie. She has called Katie a liar twice this week and told her that she didn't want her at her birthday party even though she has been invited. I know these are small issues but these issues have going on since nursery with the same little girl. The problem is her mum is very confrontational and believes that her children do nothing wrong even though she has been to the class teacher and the Head teacher on few occassions about both her children. I have had both her children in my house and by the time the leave I am reaching for the wine, gin and brandy bottle, they are quite simply uncontrollable. I am not saying that my children are perfect little angels but they do not behave like these children. Katie is just one of a handful of girls who have been reduced to tears by this little girl and I am quite annoyed at my daughter being called liar.

Do I just let it go and put it down to little girls just falling out or should I do something about and just take the wrap from the mother when she finds out that I have said something to the class teacher? One of the other mums has already approached the mum about something that her son had done her son and she was told in simple terms where to go and that her son should get himself a backbone, so approaching her and speaking to her about it isn't an issue. Katie is more sensitive this week with the house and everything and I am at a loss as to what I should do.

So, all you agony aunts out there, please give me your advice

I really have a lot of sympathy for you Bella because I have exactly the same problem. My 9 year old has a "frenemy" who has been the bain of our lives since pre-school. He and his older brother, who was in my older son's class coincidentally, have always been trouble. My youngest is definitely no angel and can be a real handful, but he is not nasty or sly, just a "normal" little boy. He is very trusting and desperate to be liked. This means that he is easily taken advantage of and because of this and his strong sense of fair play, he is constantly upset by something this boy has either done or said. A few weeks ago, this boy even told another boy to smack mine around the face, which he promptly did. Unfortunately for them, my eldest had gone to pick him up from school and I was waiting for them in the car, which I don't usually do. They came out of the playground, told me what had happened, so I stormed in, had a go at both of them (not caring whether or not either parent was around, which of course they weren't) and then went up and spoke to the teacher. My eldest got his own back and tripped one of the boys up whilst he was running away and he hurt his arm.

Like the girls you talk about, these boys are totally disrespectful and disruptive and eat/act like pigs. I at least know that my 2 behave well for others, even if they play up for us.

We have said until we're blue in the face that he is not to have anything more to do with him and to keep away from him at school and why would he want to be friends with someone who treats him that way, but for some reason they have a fixation for eachother. It breaks your heart when they are so upset so often and it's so frustrating when you know that the other parent/s are uncooperative and, usually, thick enough to believe that their child does nothing wrong. I have tried in the past to have a sensible adult conversation with their mother, but her reaction was just "boys will be boys" and could not accept that her children did anything wrong. In the end, I told her what I thought of her and her kids and have never spoken to her since.

As a sort of consolation for us, the older brother is now at secondary school with my eldest and has very few friends, has been on the verge of being excluded several times and has been verbally and physically abused because of his actions. One time he insulted me to my son, so my son started to walk away, thought better of it and turned around and smacked him with his tennis racket! Thankfully with the strings and not the frame. I checked he was not on the school grounds when he did it and then congratulated him for sticking up for himself and me.

Kids can be such shytes and you wish you could be with yours all the time to protect them and it breaks your heart when they're so upset.

So sorry to hear about the house and Katie, girls can be terrible to one another. Sadly its obvious where the girl gets the attitude from.

As a teacher I would like to know, even if its a quite word after school, so that I could keep an extra eye on her. The school has a legal requirement to have an anti-bullying policy, but they tend to only be effective if the parent of the other child is willing to except that there cherub is at fault and work with the school to sort the problem.

I would avoid speaking to the other mother as it is likely to end in confrontation which will make things worse. I'm sure you have already talked to Katie about why it is wrong and to ignore it. Sadly unless its really bad that tends to be the best solution, to rise above it and let her move on to the next person.

Oh Bella I am sorry to hear that Kaite is having problems. I have had a similar episode with an older girl and my eldest boy. She seemed to think that it was ok to say things to him as he walked past and once pushed him into a metal peg in the cloakroom and hurt his shin. When I asked him if she did it to look big infront of her friends, he just replied she hasn't got any friends and that spoke volumes to me.
I would go to the class teacher and not bother with the parents if previous parents have not got anywhere don't waste you time or breath.
If the mother comes back at you directly you will have to stand your ground and let her spout and then just look at her and walk away, No reaction from you means she looks like the fool.

Hop eyou get this sorted soon....

xxx

ILike the girls you talk about, these boys are totally disrespectful and disruptive and eat/act like pigs. I at least know that my 2 behave well for others, even if they play up for us.

We have said until we're blue in the face that he is not to have anything more to do with him and to keep away from him at school and why would he want to be friends with someone who treats him that way, but for some reason they have a fixation for eachother. It breaks your heart when they are so upset so often and it's so frustrating when you know that the other parent/s are uncooperative and, usually, thick enough to believe that their child does nothing wrong. I have tried in the past to have a sensible adult conversation with their mother, but her reaction was just "boys will be boys" and could not accept that her children did anything wrong. In the end, I told her what I thought of her and her kids and have never spoken to her since.



This is exactly the same with us, Patsy. This little girls appears to have everyone falling at her feet. They either play her game or nothing. Katie seems to have this kind of hero-worship for her. One day she doesn't want to be her friend the next she is her best friend but of late things are becoming more serious. We have had her round for tea and like you there is a lack of respect, she carries on and Katie takes her lead and acts the same, then the little brother comes round and kicks the football of the wall and the mother turns round to me and says "oh he is football mad"........err. excuse me but not in my house! "Frenemy" what a spot-on description.

The thing with this mother is that I have also known her since nursery and she is in the group of mums that go out together, although recently she has been extremely outspoken about things and it has caused an unpleasant feeling. In truth I am not surprised about the way her kids act as they probably take her lead, but it is an extremely touchy situation.

And like you Patsy, Katie can be a little madam with us, but I know that she will behave for others.

I don't want to make choices for her but how do you tell your children who to be friends with when they clearly have their heart set on being friends with them even though they are horrible to them.

Oh Bella - I am so sorry for Katie having to put up with this sort of child! I know you have mentioned her before and she is the sort of child you just want to nip slyly!

I cannot offer any other advice than that of Becks - and Becks being a teacher is best placed to answer this sort of question. I have not experienced this before as a parent - but I can really imagine the tigress instincts coming out in you. Avoiding confronting the mother sounds like the best idea - and as Becks says the teacher is already probably aware, but it does not harm whatsoever to keep reinforcing the point.

My only other bit of advice - is to speak to the other Mum's tactfully about how they feel about this girl and what she does to their child/ren? If they feel the same as you - encourage them to speak to the teachers as well.

It seems obvious from your description of the Mum, where these children get their behaviour and attitudes from, and in many respects - you have to feel sorry for the children to have to live with a person like their mother. But it still does not excuse her behaviour [the childs tht is].

I know I am me and you are you - but I would stop my children from going anywhere near this child out of school hours. I know Katie wants to go - but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Thing is if Katie doesn't go to this childs party - and is able to avoid her out of school and have little to do with her at school, this girl will eventually cotton onto this. She won't like it and will try to get back in Katies good books. Not that you want this as an end result - but the balance of power and control has shifted from this girl to Katie - who then has the choice to do as she pleases.

As another teacher I tend to agree with Becks - usually when parents get involved it only makes matters worse - I have seen this happen (we have had some very confrontational parents!!)

You're not having a good week are you, poor thing. Sorry to hear you have one problem on top of another. If you had moved, would Katie have moved schools BTW?

Has she got any 'nice' friends who you could invite round for a surprise party or something? Maybe it would encourage her to make friends with other children without you having to tell her to drop her manipulative 'friend'.

Aww Bella I really feel for you.

You want the best for you kids but you can't always be there to protect them.
Unfortunately not everyone has the same outlook as you do and there are people out there who do need, as Flip says a sly nip.
I tell my boys to try to ignore anyone who does anything nasty to them and then go on to tell them that in this world, even as grown ups, some people just don't seem nice and the best thing to do is go and play with someone who is doing something that you like.

As others have said, I would maybe have a word with the teacher, and they probably already know all about this child, and take it from there.

I hope things get sorted for you Bella :hug:

I haven't hit this sort of thing with Mini G yet, but I remember in both infant and primary school being best friends with a girl who everyone used to want to be friends with and she used to play us all off against each other all the time. It seems there are always children like that.

I think the surprise party for Katie is a good idea and maybe if the girl hears about it she might realise why she wasn't asked and start behaving better.

I haven't hit this sort of thing with Mini G yet, but I remember in both infant and primary school being best friends with a girl who everyone used to want to be friends with and she used to play us all off against each other all the time. It seems there are always children like that.

I think the surprise party for Katie is a good idea and maybe if the girl hears about it she might realise why she wasn't asked and start behaving better.

I think it is a girl thing, and this little girl definitely wants to be in control. It seems she will decide who is to be friends with who and who it will be that the others haven't to speak to, it is really awful. I do think the tide is turning towards as the other wee girls are standing up for themselves, the problem though is that she went to the teacher and claimed she was being bullied!! Her mum plays the victim often and when I held my jewellery party at one of the other mum's house, she couldn't come as she had the Billy Connelly concert and then shouted in the playground that she was hurt that we wouldn't change it so she could come! Katie has been in tears with her once because this little girl said something horrible to her and her mum asked her to apologise but she wouldn't, so then her mum asked Katie to apologise to her daughter and then she would apologise! I get angry because it is not the little girls fault that she is brought up in that way.

I have had a word with the teacher although I chickened out in mentioning the other girl, I did say that Katie was quite sensitive this week with the house move etc and just to keep an eye on her. Katie has also mentioned to the wee girl that she had told her mummy and daddy about the things she has said, to which the reply was that she was upset about that!

The surprise party thing does sound like a good idea but I don't know if I could handle the mother with her victim thing - this has sort of happened as on New Year's Eve I invited a few of the mums (with hubbys and kids) round and I left this mum out intentionally because the kids are a nightmare and would have caused trouble. Anyway when she found that I had asked people round, she didn't have a go at me but had a go at one of the other mums who I have only known since the kids started school, she went that how come she was invited since she hadn't known me as long. I would hate for someone else to get it in the neck because of my actions.

Nox - we were still going to be at the same school and ironically we would have been living just round the corner from this little girl to which strangely enough Katie was estatic about and kept going how great it would be when she came to play - as I have said there is a strange hero-worship going on and not just with Katie. So maybe all round it is a blessing we are not moving there! :laugh:

ooh, why oh why is life so difficult sometimes? Anyway, thanks to all of you who have taken the trouble to read and answer on my little plight, worse things happen at sea. I was just a bit down yesterday especially when Katie was crying. Can't wait to get started on her room though, we are going to have a brainstorm at the weekend to discuss what kind of make-over we will do which will hopefully take her mind off it!