Right the challenge is that you write a word and the next person has to write a ditty/poem/whatever with tha word in it somewhere........

Once they have written their creative master piece based on the word given above they write the word for the next person and so on.....

Since there is no-one above me I shall simply give you the first word I would like to see incorporated into a rhyme and the next poster can kick us off proper....

The word is:

Mushroom

As I was skipping through the woods
Making up this little sonnett
I saw a dead dog on the ground
With mushrooms growing on it

Never being one of those
to miss out an a chance
I picked those mushrooms and ran home
without a backward glance

The omelette that I made from them
Was one of my very best
So why have my pupils gone so large
And why the pain in my chest?

I can see ants crawling out of the walls
And everything's turning brown
I think I'd better stop writing this
And go for a little lie down.


Eskimo

I took a boat from off the shore
And sailed a northerly course
Through sun, hail and snow I did go
Keeping a sharp look out of course
I happened across an ice filled land
And was blinded by the snow
I stumbled and slipped as I made the shore
And was met by a friendly Eskimo!


Baboon

It was a dark night in the jungle
i was trying not to step on anything fungal
i saw snakes in the trees hissing their hiss
and boy oh boy did i need a pi-ss

A friendly Baboon came my way
i was a bit nervous but he wanted to play
so i tickled his belly
which made him laugh
i got the feeling he was a fan of Steffi Graf

Well my Baboon pal
i have to go
so i blew him a kiss
from the tree below.

(that has got to be the worst poem on the entire planet) :laugh:

ZOO

That was cool Bridge! :cool:

Right......

I'm working with a man
Who's hairier than Kong
When he strips off
It looks like a fur coat that he has on
He once went to London
For a day or two
But when they saw him visit
They locked him in the Zoo!

ENIGMA

Jaques Chirac what a puzzle
the man can't do nothing but muddle
poking his nose in
and causing trouble
leave us British alone
we hate your frogs legs and cologne
your an Enigma Mr Chirac
shut your mouth
or i'll give you a slap!



PARADISE

Coastie i love this thread............. eat your heart out Dylan Thomas..........................ok maybe not! :laugh:

The kids come home from school
With a letter for Mum and Dad
It says there's an infestation of lice
Definately not my idea of paradise:w00t:




Garden Gate

As I lay dreaming in my bed
An irritating noise came into my head
Was I dreaming, was the bed squeaking
No just the garden gate was creaking.


PUMP

You have a tasty curry
You wash it down with beer
Your tummy's in a flurry
So when the coast is clear...
*Pump*


BLING

I like to go out on a Saturday night
But I like to strutt my thing
So I visit Argos the day before
So I can cover myself with Bling.



Gnome

There's a little Gnome in my garden
he's called Fred
We use him as an ornament
and the kids sit on his head

But the neighbours been complaining
cause our Fred's in the buff
I wish they would chill out
and not get in a huff.

NUDITY

We love a bit of Nudity
show off all our bits
but sit with your legs closed
and please don't do the spilts

I don't want to see anyone running
as their privates flop about
i might get in the way
and receive an almighty clout

And please be very careful
when your in the burning sun
you don't want a red face
or a sore peeling bum.

SURVIVOR

I have enjoyed many shows
Some real life others not
Some involve dancing
Or murder on the docks
But of all of the programmes
On the Beeb or other channels
When it comes to reality on either or eI-ther
The best of the best is of course Survivor!


PANTS

I hate going to my Inlaws
God it's such a drag
my mother in-law is horrible
she's such an ole bag

Always complaining
and picking holes in me
nasty remarks
that she says with glee

It's such a load of Pants
and a load of gas
i wish a bee would come along
and sting her in the ar-se.


LOONY

As I was sitting in the park
a loony came up to me
she waved a feather in my face
and started to go tee hee

She pulled a trifle from her bag
and shoved it down my trousers
then started hopping on one leg
around some nearby houses

She started waltzing round the park
with someone's garden gnome
And so I shouted out to her
"Mother - please go home."


Banjo

Joseph had lagers then some beer
A slammer and a pint of kir
Two whiskies later he was able
To strip off on the bar-room table

The ladies swooned
Cos he had mooned
The chaps moved in to rumble
They dragged him down
And duffed him up
And made the landord grumble

‘Oi! That’s enough, this is my gaff
My word is law you know.
Such goings on are not a laff
And so I must Ban Jo


BUCKET

The girl she was a total minger
But she still walked around the streets
Scaring all the little children
And old people that she would meet

The Police received so many complaints
They had to take some action
They tracked her down to an Address
Just north of a town called Acton

They stepped up to the front door
And gave a little knock
She answered it and they all screamed
It was a terrible shock

They ordered her to come to the station
So that they could discuss it
But before she could leave the house
She'd have to don a bucket!

CRAB

I've got an itch down below
it's driving me insane
scratch scratch scratch
it's a right pain

Doctor gave me lotion
but the itch won't stop
i can't stand this anymore
it's making me flop

I don't have Crabs
lets get that straight
oh you have such filthy minds
my dirty minded mates.



NAUGHTY

A lot of people like to dress
in lycra to look sporty
Me I'd rather wear a basque
and stockings to look naughty.

THUMB

I sit and while away the day
beneath the blazing sun
and while I waste the day that way
I suck upon my thumb



Umbrella

Out i go in all that rain
searching for my keys
I dropped them down a drain
so i'm searching on my knees

A gust of wind blows over me
which wooshes up my skirt
ooooo what a chill that is
i think i need a squirt

I wish i had bought my umbrella with me
Rain, won't you please stop?
look at my hair, what a fright
just call me Mrs Mop.


BIG BROTHER

Someone to look up to
Wouldn't change him for another
No not the TV programme
My real life Big Brother.

NEXT TOPIC MAZ..........

dozey bint :laugh:

NEXT TOPIC MAZ..........

dozey bint :laugh:




LMAO :laugh:

oops sorry :blush:

FRIDGE

I love to eat
gorge and feast
food yummy food
if i eat anymore
i will be deceased

In my Fridge
is chocolate and treats
nobody will get hurt
just give me the sweets.

(i apolygize in advance for the appalling poem) :w00t:


Friends

Some aging jars of sauces

Some greenish bits of cheese

A dodgy bit of salmon

And when did I buy peas?



Plenty wine a-chilling

Oh, a squishy old potater

I’ll have to have a clean out

Of my re-Fridge-erator



(I wrote this poem too slowly

And bridge got in before

But as she has no other Friends :goof:


I won’t kick her out the door)



Shampoo

I stand in the doorway of my bathroom
Wondering if I should have a shower
I decide to go for it
But first have a tommy tit
That takes a good half hour

Once striped to the skin I step on in
And wait for the water to warm up
It takes a minute or too
Soon my hair is wet through
And I am shampooed up!


SCOOTER

For whizzing up and down the road
The best thing is a scooter
But the last time that I had a go
I fell off and grazed my hooter
So I put away these childish things
And went back to my computer.


VODKA

I had a little Vodka

With an olive and some ice

I had to force it down my throat

As it wasn’t very nice



So then I had another

With tonic poured on top

I didn’t like that either

But still I didn’t stop



The next one was a bigger one

This time with ice and coke

It tasted rather sickly

So I had to have a smoke



Then I tried it with Martini

Shaken but not stirred

I tried to ask for extra ice

But my words were strangely slurred



The next was with fresh orange juice

And the barman’s looking better

Then another with some pink stuff

That I spilled all down my sweater



The next I cant rememebr

Budit wasn’t very fine –

- oh no, nodda tall -

so I sihftd onto wine

..well gin ackshully but that dinnt maka ryhyhme

Wheeeeeeeeeee………..




RICE PUDDING

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Well that started my day with a giggle.

[QUOTE=Fee For All]I had a little Vodka

With an olive and some ice

I had to force it down my throat

As it wasn’t very nice



So then I had another

With tonic poured on top

I didn’t like that either

But still I didn’t stop



The next one was a bigger one

This time with ice and coke

It tasted rather sickly

So I had to have a smoke



Then I tried it with Martini

Shaken but not stirred

I tried to ask for extra ice

But my words were strangely slurred



The next was with fresh orange juice

And the barman’s looking better

Then another with some pink stuff

That I spilled all down my sweater



The next I cant rememebr

Budit wasn’t very fine –

- oh no, nodda tall -

so I sihftd onto wine

..well gin ackshully but that dinnt maka ryhyhme

Wheeeeeeeeeee………..





LMAO :w00t: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

School dinners you couldn't bear to see,
Were the worst that ever could be,
Rice pudding and jam,
Potatoes and spam,
And a pigs bin that filled up quickly.





fishing

Fishing in the river
Fishing in the sea
Really is a man thing
And not for little me
For a start theres all those maggots
And nasty little hooks
Nah send him off to do that
Leave me with my books.


Tobacco

There once was man
who puffed away all day
he stank like an ashtray
but he was happy and gay

But one sad day
the poor man died
it was his time to go
so they buried him
with his fags and Tobacco.

BEACH

Belly in the navel
Rash upon the legs
Gravel burn on the bum
Don't stop don't stop she said
Hair all in a tangle
With sea weed and crab meat
What is the appeal after all
To shagging on the beach?

CARDBOARD

I once lived in a cardboard box,
As happy as could be,
But then a man came up and said,
He had to recycle me.



Bacon

Percy Pig met Peggy Pig
For him it was true love
But sadly Peg was fakin'
When they were makin' bacon


Carnival

Carnival, Carnival, what an atmosphere,
Don't you love it when it comes round just once a year,
You do your best,
In the fancy dress,
But you always end up drinking too much beer.



Bosum's
(sorry Dol :ninja: )

Large ones
Small ones
Plump ones
And saggy ones
All the varieties
Of Bosums!

Tarantula

In my house one day
I spied a massive tarantula
I beat it over the head
With my trusty spatula!

Deoderant

Deirdre went out shopping
And maxed out on her card
When the bill fell on her mat
She knew that paying would be hard

But she had a rich relation
Who pays when Deirdre can't
So instead of owing Visa
You guessed...Deoderant


SPATULA

I was fixing a meal
in my kitchen one day
banging and tossing
my saucepans away

I decided to make
a rather lush dish
with what i had in my fridge
some weird looking fish

I slapped it and bashed it
and mixed it with some flour
stirred it with the Spatula
but it tasted sour

So i gave up
and threw it in the waste
it made me sick
and had a horrible taste.

BEAVER

Deirdre went out shopping
And maxed out on her card
When the bill fell on her mat
She knew that paying would be hard

But she had a rich relation
Who pays when Deirdre can't
So instead of owing Visa
You guessed...Deoderant


SPATULA


That last line may be the most horrible, contrived pun that I have ever seen

CONGRATULATIONS!!

:laugh:

I had a little beaver
Its fur was quite long
When brushing it the other day
I noticed something wrong
There amongst the brown fur
I spied a little grey
So I gave it a Brazilian
And now my beavers gone away.



SPONGE

I refused to lend him any more cash
Because he owed me loads
I told him it just wasn't on
He said to me he knows
But he has to buy this thing that does
Lots of things he needs
A gadget to top all such things
So lend him money please
I told him no it would not happen
And to go and get a job
He said I've tried but they wont have me
They say that I'm a nob
I said that's tough and no excuse
For sitting here all day
Watching daytime TV whilst I work
With you it's all just play
He said well fine then I will leave
I said well that's fine with me
He said uh but you'll miss me you know
As I walked him to the door
I said you must be joking mate
From me you'll SPONGE no more!

Scallywag

i once had a dog called Max
he was such a Scallywag
he ate all the food
and the carrier bag
nothing was safe
from that naughty little pup
until one day he ate a frog
that gave him the Hiccups
i hoped that Max had learnt his lesson
so i popped quickly to the loo
but when i came back
i skidded on a poo.

SCHIZOPHRENIC

You are never lonely
And always have some one to blame
For any mishevious acts
Like dancing nude in the rain
It can pose a problem
Because some just don't get it
What's it all about
This being SCHIZOPHRENIC

CATAPULT

I was walking through the Aussie Bush
with an Aboriginee named Terry
we reached Ularu by half past two
and we were feeling rather merry
until that was, he made a fuss
about his boomerang
he chucked it far but it hit a car
he claimed it was all my fault
i said "look mate, your aim aint great
- so next time, use your catapult!"

Foster's

Four X is the best
When wearing a woolly vest
Stella Artois is rah
When wearing a frilly pink bra
Carlsberg may be fine
When decked out in orange and lime
But if you wear your galoshers
It's gotta be a pint of Fosters

Wiggle

When love was in its early days
You used to make me melt
By simply showing what you had
Underneath your belt

But now that time is passing by
I find I have to giggle
If you unleash the sword of lurve
And all it can do is wiggle :unsure:


SNOWMAN

My Dad is an old hippy
He likes to smoke a joint
It makes him talk much slower
Like after several pints
So paranoid he does become
As he shares his master plan
Of how he will escape the G-Men
Dressed as a snowman!

IMPOSSIBLE

Coastie started up this thread
To make us write a ditty
It ran for quite a little while
Then ended, more's the pity

Some pomes were good
Some pomes were bad
And others simply risible
Then Coastie went and killed it off
With a challenge IMPOS-SIBLE

COASTER

Ruddy marks upon the table
Really screw me up
If you come round and have a drink
Mind where you put your cup
Ensure you use a coaster
And so avoid my wrath
Otherwise your outta here
And this aint no ruddy laugh!

Revival

This thread's revival
Might mean survival
For all those odes
With rhymes contrival.

So if you want to play the game
Write some lines that end the same.

If you can't, it doesn't matter
Just post a load of silly patter
Through the dictionary, you needn't plough
If it looks the same that's good enough!


PIRATES

They cruise the sea in hopes of booty
Their revival brought on by Depp, Knightly, and Bloom.
With 3 sequels in the can of the movie
They sure can fill a room.

The legend of Davy Jones, Blackbeard, and many more.
You never know if they have any treasure left to score.

Ah, the life of the PIRATE,
What a leisurely draw.
Making the hunted quite irate,
and the hunter caw.

BLOOM

(pretty darn good methinks!!)

A flower for my birthday
A flower on Christmas Day
Another one for New Year,
What was he trying to say?

A whole damn bunch on Valentines
Filled my house with scent and petals
But what I really really want to say is:
'Where's the BLOOMin' precious metals':mad2:


CURTAIN

I'm not one hundred percent certain
If I saw a twitch in the Curtain
Or if it was simply jiggled by the breeze
I'm outside the house of Mrs Merton
Who's son likes to shop at Burtons
And has a huge great crush on little me

I'm not saying he's good looking
But he knows how to get me cooking
Up a steam whenever he walks by
I wish he'd just make the ruddy booking
At the fave restuarant of Trevor Brooking
And ask me to give marriage a fair try

Groupie

First she had Mick
And then she had Rick
With Ozzie she did linger

In one amazing LA night, she did the Edwin Hawkin Singers.

Several Beach Boys turned her on, making good vibrations,
And on Santana's jet, she sh@gged her way over various third world nations

But that was then, and this is now
Her boobs have gone all droopy
And Hasselhoff is all that's left
For an aging 60s groupie


TOM-TOM

It's an unmistable sound
That rings out all over the town
When all others stand in silence
And we see the end of all the violence
When cats and dogs unite
No longer shedding fur in a fight
And young and old hold hands
Forming friendship chains across the land
Oh for that sound to remain
In this fair and wonderful domain
In this our home the United King-dom
Beat away dear all on ones Tom-Tom!

BOILER