Has anyone had any experience of these.

My mum and dad have moved down from North Wales this week and mum, who has altzeimers, has been in respite care for the week whilst dad moves. The first couple of days were pretty fraught with her being on the brink of getting the boot yesterday for picking on the other residents. But she has calmed down today and I stayed there for 3 hours earlier to support her through her toughest time (5.30 - 8.30pm).

But what a hoot it was. The home is for pensioners with Dementia and they are all so lovely....they are all convinced that they they are on holiday and have had the most marvelous time and will be back next year and must retire soon so they can pack have a good nights sleep and meet the coach at 8am.

What a wonderfull state of mind to be stuck in.

Last day of a really enjoyable holiday....

My family are so grateful to this home and are really glad that mum is calming down so hopefully it will be her home for dads respite care - even if I have to go and support everyevening for her difficult period.

Homes are getting such bad press at the moment I have great pleasure in reporting about one that is the bee's knee's. Mum is dressed lovely and carefully as are all the residents, the place is clean and funtional but the carers are brilliant.

Any other experiences to share?

Glad to hear she had a better day today. The home doesn't matter, apart from being clean and well maintained. It's the care they provide that counts and it sounds like you've found a winner there. The fact that they communicate with you and help you is very important too.

You know my experience is from the other side and very limited at that, but that's what my training taught me, so a big :thumbsup: to them.

Funny you should make that observation about them being on holiday, because it is like being on a journey and you never know where they are at any given time. You just have to hop on and off the coach whenever they do.

Sounds like you've got a good place there Cat.

Moving a loved one into a home can be a frought time for all involved, hoping to find that "right place", where they will be happy.

Communication is the key to it all and it sounds like you are getting that Cat.

I was out the other night with two friends who both work in separate old peoples' homes.

Both of them enjoy their work and say the whole team works well, kitchen staff, carers, qualified nurses and managers. That's not to say that there haven't been problems with staff being brusque, rude, unhelpful or unprofessional, but from what my mates were saying they are soon weeded out by the other members of staff. After all, it could be their mum or dad in that home.

I'm glad that your dad has had this time to himself to help him move and my heart goes out to him aswell as your mum and the rest of your family, Cat.

At the end of the day family is THE most important thing.

Cat - how grand is it that you've got it sorted at last?

My only experience if care homes is from my grandfather - he developed Alzheimers and initially was in a lovely place in Wiltshire. Sadly though he did get booted; one of his symptoms was galloping randiness. At the age of 90 plus, he kept wandering off at night and climbing into bed with various old girls :naughty:. He would then get quite violent towards the staff when they tried to deal with it, and eventually they had too many complaints.

The home he went into seemed OK - it was just a bit more institution-like, but I don't think he was even aware of the change.

Will you be booking your own place soon? :unsure:

We are facing this problem at the moment. MIL is in hospital still and we don't think she will be able to return home. She owns her own house which will have to be sold to pay for her care but the problem will be funding the care until the house is sold.

As I understand it the local council will sometimes take over the payments for the interim period until the house is sold but not all councils do this and I think social services have to agree that there is no possibility of her going home before they wil even consider it.

The other problem is that she will have to sign over enduring power of attourney to a family member before she goes completely dotty. I have tried to talk to her about this but it is difficult in hospital surroundings with on privacy without it sounding as though you are pressurising her. Her hearing is reasonably ok but we have to say something over and over before it sinks in and it feels like bullying.

I think the hospital will be suggesting she goes home with a care package but I know they withdraw that as soon as they can especially if family members do anything to help. I worry for her safety now and think ideally she needs 24 hour care.

Back on topic she did have some respite care in a local care home and she was very happy there. It was clean, bright, comfortable and the staff were lovely I hope if she does go in for good that this one has room for her.

I think what this week has proved to me is that it's not such a bad place to end up.,

Whilst mum slept, I relaxed in a chair and just chatted - or not- with the residents, they were all so happy in their 'ground hog day' and who should deter them from that.

Two options here when old and bonkers:

- with your family who have all their needs to cope with before yourse
- in a good home with like minded people you can ramble to your hearts contents and be totally fullfilled.


I have booked a room for easter...my twitching is starting now. Spittle is optional

Hello Cat,

I'm pleased you found a good one. I visit an old lady every week and we often have impromtu concerts. They are well looked after but I have to say it the charges are excessive. 560 pounds per week. The thread mentioning this experience for me; Is A standing testament to a good life. You will be able to relax a little now.

Maureen
Northern angel.

Mr B's nan was in a home for the last few years of herlife, and I have to say she was superbly looked after. She was always clean and well dressed, she had her hair done every week and they had lots of entertainment during the day for those that could cope with it, bingo etc. Christmas Day was a joy for them as all thier families used to turn up and spend the morning and then were very unceremoniously(sp) ejected so the residents could have their dinner and party!

I know I have had several converstaions with my own dad, who has stated in no uncertain terms that should he get old and frail and I quote "there is no way on this earth I am coming to live with either you, your brother or sister!" and I have to say "there is no way on this earth I would have him to live with me!" and that doesn't mean I don't love him, because I do.

It is a worry isn't it? I am glad your mum has settled Cat and I hope the move to her new home will be ok for her. It's great you have found a place that you are happy with and your mum obviously feels right at home.

I think the thing with Altzeimers is that for the person concerned, they are in a different world but it must be incredibly hard for the family. I haven't had first hand experience of this sort of thing but the fact that there is help and homes like the one Cat's mum has found must be a weight of your mind.

The woman who lives above my friend has had Altzeimers for some time and has just recently moved into a home but one day she came down to friend and asked her if she could come up to sort something out. Sitting in the living room were her husband who was in his 70's/80's and a very young gardener bloke. She asked my friend to point out which of the gentlemen were her husband!!

Are they going to be living nearer to you now Cat?

My gran lives in a warden controlled bungalow and she loves it. My grandad had a couple of bad strokes so they were moved there then. They were very upset as they had lived in the same house for 70 years.

My grandad unfortunately died, but it gave gran a new lease of life. Up until then she had to tend to grandad and he was a right s*d most of the time and he didnt make her life easy towards the end of his days. He was mainly drunk on scotch.

We wondered how she would cope alone but she has a better social life than i do and she is 92 years old.

She plays bingo in the main hall 2 nights a week, cards once a week, there is always some doo or other going on, and once a fortnight she goes on a coach trip somewhere with the rest of the oldies and has lunch out and a sing song.

She is really enjoying her life .... and she has peace of mind that someone is around to check on her daily and she has panic buttons incase of an accident etc ...

Are they going to be living nearer to you now Cat?

Oh yes Bellisimo...in a village about a 20 minute drive away as appose to a 5 hours.

My gran lives in a warden controlled bungalow and she loves it. My grandad had a couple of bad strokes so they were moved there then. They were very upset as they had lived in the same house for 70 years.

My grandad unfortunately died, but it gave gran a new lease of life. Up until then she had to tend to grandad and he was a right s*d most of the time and he didnt make her life easy towards the end of his days. He was mainly drunk on scotch.

We wondered how she would cope alone but she has a better social life than i do and she is 92 years old.

She plays bingo in the main hall 2 nights a week, cards once a week, there is always some doo or other going on, and once a fortnight she goes on a coach trip somewhere with the rest of the oldies and has lunch out and a sing song.

She is really enjoying her life .... and she has peace of mind that someone is around to check on her daily and she has panic buttons incase of an accident etc ...

Good for her bonny, but isn't it sad when a partner dies and the other person just blossoms. You realize then how that person had been supressed all of their (married) lives.

Today I have been visiting care homes trying to find a suitable one for MIL. The one she wanted to go to can't take her as they only take people that are not self funding, they had her there before for respite care and would have liked to have her permantly but however much I pleaded with the authorities they would not back down.

It is such a shame as she really wanted to go there and it is in the village she has lived in all her life I feel I have let her down although I know its not my fault.

This week I have been on holiday so I started looking at some others, I find the whole subject very upsetting and get entirely too emotional. I started bawling in one the staff were very nice but it was such dark shabby place so I hightailed it round to Crits for tea and sympathy.

The next one I went to seemed very nice lovely room and nice grounds so I got quite excited and went off to describe it to MIL. She seemed pleased and her other son and dil were coming today to have a look at a few but I was certain this was the one.

The four of us set of today to have a look round and we discounted a few for various reasons. I took them to see the one I favoured and this time the nurse that showed us round didn't seem so nice and I started to have doubts. When we went into the communal living room two cats were darting around getting under foot. I hadn't seen them on my first visit and as MIL doesn't like any animals it would have been impossible for her to stay there.

We have now found another but the room is smaller but the staff were lovely andwe did speak to some of the residents and they seemed very happy. It has a garden area not as lovely as the other one but for me its the staf that are the most important and it is near to a park so an outing in her wheelchair will be possible in the warmer weather.

After much discussion we have decided this is the one and they are going to the hospital to meet her on monday so fingers crossed it will go well. I know they will take her as it is dual registered so any disabilities will be ok and she will be able to stay there however disabled she gets. I just hope she likes them.

We went into the hospital to tell her and she seemed ok and then just burst into tears. It was very upsetting as we couldn't really get her to say what was making her so upset. We had been discussing for weeks what to do and she plainly told us that she wanted to go into a home and be looked after round the clock. She was ok about selling the house to pay for it and has been quite cheerful.

I suppose its the finality of it all as it is now becoming a reality and she needs time to come to terms with it, I feel for her so much as it must be an awful thing to face to have to live permantly with strangers. I keep welling up and will be sobbing into my keyboard in a minute so better stop now.

Aww Maz, you've having a rough time of it aren't you.
It must be a horrible feeling to give everything up and as you say go live with strangers, and also for you and the rest of the family, it must be really hard.

I hope things go well for your mil on Monday when they visit her, and she gets settled in well.
I remember when my grandma moved into an old folks bungalow and had to leave her house she had lived in all her life. It was totally upsetting for all the family.
But do you know, once she got in there, she loved it because she was so much more nearer to the village and got to hear all the gossip!

Hope it all goes to plan.:hug: