I have deliberately put this in CL and not TV because, although it was inspired by the TV prog, it's not about it, ya git me? :pimp:

Having just shed some weight in the little girl's room, it made me think of last night's programme and the nature of the subject's poo. They're always very small and smelly, aren't they? Which is obviously indicative of the nature of their bad diet. I don't mind sharing with you the fact that mine are........ well......... substantial to say the least because I am, by and large, a very healthy eater.

Now, feel free to discuss the programme too, if you want, but primarily I would like you all, next time you visit the loo, to study your "movement" and, if you feel inclined, discuss it with the group.

Thank you.

ROFLMAO!

Mine vary, but I take the sloppy smelly ones as a kind of badge of honour, as it's living proof I've been eating tasty food and not the ****** that that food fascist McKeith would force on me :devil:

Has Dol not been in here yet?:ninja:

Actually mine vary as well.
I believe I have Irritable bowel syndrome and when that flares up you really don't want to know.
But I usually go every morning just before I've had my shower.

My hubby is always describing his poos to me, which really I'm not interested in.

And Gillian Mckteeth, whats her name, is always going on about how farting is a sign of a bad diet.
I thought everybody farted.
Now I know some can be deadlier than others, but a good fart is normal to everyone, isn't it?:unsure:

Actually, I've just remembered, didn't we talk about this ages ago and wasn't it Lucy that posted up a picture of what poos should and could look like. I printed that off for my hubby, he loved it!:laugh:

Has Dol not been in here yet?

Not yet, A. Give her time.

Actually, I've just remembered, didn't we talk about this ages ago and wasn't it Lucy that posted up a picture of what poos should and could look like. I printed that off for my hubby, he loved it!:laugh:

Tried googling "healthy poo", but it came up with nothing. This is what came when when I googled "shi!t".

http://www.diarizing.com/wp-content/****.jpg

Looks pretty healthy to me. :good:

Edit: feckin' swear filter.

Hello Patsy and Mikado,

Well at least this thread is open on the subject, and we all have some of it.
We are not immune.

In the madness of king George apparently his Dr's and other specialists viewed his pooh everyday, trying to work out the link between it and his apparent insanity. I don't think they found the answer to that but certainly some of his other ailments were a product of his diet and rich living.

The band waggon of what causes illness has always been laid squarely on the lap of some external cause as opposed to inherited disorders. Alcohol abuse, food abuse, substance abuse, and smoking. I have no doubt we could list 2 or 3 if not more under each. The by product of all this is ****.

How valuable the analysis of our **** is in determining what we can do to improve matters for ourselves, became the topic of another diet special last week. When a young girl was told that her smelly dissolveable poop, (the runs) was due to not eating enough food as a filler to build it up, in other words carbohydrates and cereal products containing fibre.

So what wisdom can we derive from this heap of ****? Breakfast is the most important start you can have to your day, as it provides the filler we all need to bind and pass out everything else we eat.

Incidently mine is fine as I vacuate mine twice a day. Another important little detail on regularity.

If this were an exercise how well would you grade this piece of ****?

Maureen
Northern angel

PS description for the curious. THIS **** IS BANANAS.

Hello Andrea,

I can't stop laughing, this **** is funny. What I want to know is what happens to a perfectly natural fart if you are in a G String? Does it get tied up in knots?

Who is this Gillian Mckeith, can I tell her to f Off? I have a perfectly healthy diet, I just don't like to much exercise, it wears me out. (No complaints about carpet burns though, they're worth it.):flex:

How many of you would love to eat rabbit food everyday? Had God intended us to be more like rabbits and to eat more f...ing lettuce, we'd all be more hirsuit. :cold: We wouldn't then need to wrap up so well against all the elements either.

For those with a problem in this region can't produce enough ****, you could try Danone's Activia yogurts with Bifidus Digestivum. With prunes or Rhubarb for an extremely moving experience. Better still near me is a chinese takeaway called 'THE RUNWELL' have one of there curries and hey presto..you are cured.

What's very interesting here is I bet you all buy matching loo roll colour to match the colour scheme of the loo or bathroom...??? Fashion sense even for the little girls/boys room. Arh. Can you do it? Can do, won't do...:laugh:

Hey did I give you permission to laugh. Ah balls, the lousy lazy so and so left one square on the roll, and didn't place a full roll handy..Men...:ranting:


Maureen
Northern angel. :wink_kiss

Not yet, A. Give her time.

Hello again,Patsy,

Is someone constipated?

Maureen.
Northern angel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrea
Has Dol not been in here yet?




Originally Posted by Patsy
Not yet, A. Give her time.


You can imagine how excited I was to see what this thread was about!

I am a seasoned studier of poo (only my own I hasten to add) and am proud to say that I know my poo!

I read somewhere from a doctor bloke that Gillian McKeith is out of line telling people that certain traits in the poo could be indicative of cancer/blocked arteries/hayfever, it is just not that simple and is scaremongering.

I have to say today my poo has had a flaky texture ... I think it is due to the hot chilli I had round my mates house last night! usually it is .... hang on i think I'm giving out too much information just before tea-time!!!!

Oh heavens, Dol got her a toe in the poop thread...

Well, my 'movements' depend on when I took my IBS meds and what I've had to eat fiber wise and if it's time for my cycle or right after my cycle.

If I've had my IBS meds on schedule, I usually go 1 small, but decent amount. If I've taken them later in the day, I may go a couple of small, decent times the next day. If I've had certain foods it can be anywhere from 'normal' to 'whoa nelly'. If it's close to my cycle and right after my cycle, my cramps seem to mess me up in the 'whoa nelly' sense of quite a lot and quite loose. I hope, Patsy, that this post meets the criteria set about in your original post to start the thread...if not, pm me with new criteria.
PS...flatulence, or pooting is the result of swallowing air when drinking, eating, talking, and is also caused by foods heavy in fiber, etc. I've just NEVER known not one soul who didn't fart...not even my MIL (who you would think fell off the 'Windsor Family Tree'!)

I am actually now quite concerned that you have studied your movements this closely, Jen. Do you work?

C'mon guys, how about some photos?:D

C'mon guys, how about some photos?:D

Ewwww Tiggs :sick: :sick:

We could have a guess whose poo it is competition!:w00t:

My life seems oh so normal compared to you lot...I go, I dump, I flush, I wash, I leave.....

What is it with you people?:wacko:

In the interest of this thread, Buzz-fresh, would you just have a quick look and guestimate its weight for us and, if possible, report on colour, texture, etc? It would help stop us worrying about your diet.

Thanks.

We could have a poo weighing competition.

Your first poo in the morning, weigh yourself before, then weigh yourself post-poo and see how much you've lost, hence the weight of the poo.:w00t:

Never mind that. Just dump in a tupperware.

We could have a poo weighing competition.

Your first poo in the morning, weigh yourself before, then weigh yourself post-poo and see how much you've lost, hence the weight of the poo.:w00t:
What if you wee at the same time? You'd have to collect it and weigh it separately.

Come to think of it, you could also post a photo or a description of its volume, colour and consistency :D

In the interest of this thread, Buzz-fresh, would you just have a quick look and guestimate its weight for us and, if possible, report on colour, texture, etc? It would help stop us worrying about your diet.

Thanks.
NO
My diet is perfectly fine thank you

Prove it......

Prove it......
I am not under any circumstances going to examine, decribe or weigh my poo for anybody.

I know what I eat and it's GOOD.

when I lived in Germany they had toilets that had a kind of "shelf" in the pan, so your poo would sit there and wait to be flushed down.

of course i found it quite fascinating (although i dont think I'd started my bowel problems then) sometimes if you looked closely it would resemble things, once I swear I poohed a map of India, it was uncanny, esp as I'd had a curry the night before!

when I lived in Germany they had toilets that had a kind of "shelf" in the pan, so your poo would sit there and wait to be flushed down.




LOL my friend has this type of toilet. Lets just say she best of friends with her loo brush :wacko:

Hello Dolores,

I've heard of reading tea leaves in your cup, but reading pooh must leave a mark or air of distinction and dysfunction.

Maybe we should call out to Sylvester Stallones mum to see if she is practiced in this art as well ar$e fortune telling.

Maureen
Northern angel.

I can't poo at the mo, it's uncomfortable. My diet is fine though, but I'm so windy. When I go running it's like I'm being followed by a fart machine.

Anyone any tips?

I eat porridge for breakfast. Mid morning snack is sometimes an apple sometimes a scone or bran muffin. I have sandwiches on two slices of stoneground wholemeal bread for lunch with a raw carrot and a yogurt drink, some grapes or plum and an orange.
Mid afternoon is usually a piece of fruit, occasionally a chocolate biscuit.
Dinner is some kind of stew with a few different veg or jacket potoato with salad, tonight it was fillet steak and boiled potatos with heaps of cabbage and a few other bits of veg.
I don't do bad at all with my diet but I can't stop farting and I wish I could poo! :rain:

Hello Bob,

This thread has had me reeling with laughter. Still, I hope you can forgive me ... the idea that someone has a farting machine with them out running is highly amusing.

Seriously on the subject you can get to much of a good thing, by the time your digestive system breaks down all the fruit and vegetables you eat and some do take longer than 24 hours, you may be better off with a little more of the old filling carbohydrates. Brown rice or ordinary rice with a curry.You could also alternate with fruit juices instead of the actual fruits. You would still get the benefit of the vitamins this way.

Sometimes certain vegetables take longer to shift aubergines, peppers, sweet corn can take 48 hours or more. Bananas also take a while to shift and have an uncanny way of altering your natural potassium levels.

I have also heard that excessive roughage can have an irritating effect on your digestive tract, not all of it strips itself off with the acidic foods you eat. These vegetables are the bean type which have a skin or harsh shell, i,e kidney beans, butter beans, people who have IBS that is irritable bowel syndrome are advised to take fibrous drink supplements such as fibrogel which are gentle on your digestive system, or carrot juice. These act as a mild laxative.

If you prefer the idea of a pint or so, beer apart from ridding you of any inhibitions can also act as mild laxative normally the following morning. If you truly are feeling ill, I wish you well.:mellow:

Maureen
Northern angel.

Bob ... drink orange juice, then eat an orange then drink a glass of warm water ... it will shift!

or just eat lots of strawberries or kiwi fruit, the pips push it all out!


I know you're asking how can someone with such over active bowels have such an extensive knowledge of nature's laxatives!!! the answer is i have to know what to avoid!!

Sorry, Bob. This is by no means meant to be a boastful post, but I've just been to shed my load and felt I just had to share my joy with you all.

Started off in the normal way (small fart firing out a pellet), but then what pursued was so substantial that it almost went round the U bend!

Then, as if that wasn't good enough, I used hardly any loo roll and the room was completely odour-free.

Yes, it's official, folks. My sh!t don't stink! :smartie:

Sorry, Bob. This is by no means meant to be a boastful post, but I've just been to shed my load and felt I just had to share my joy with you all.

Started off in the normal way (small fart firing out a pellet), but then what pursued was so substantial that it almost went round the U bend!

Then, as if that wasn't good enough, I used hardly any loo roll and the room was completely odour-free.

Yes, it's official, folks. My sh!t don't stink! :smartie:
Thanks for sharing that with us :unsure: :ohmy:

You're very welcome, Seab. Are you not impressed?

Well im impressed Pats even if the others arent.

I think i have IBS too (or a touch of it) as i suffer an awful lot .... but i wont go into my bowel movements as it will put you all off your dinner.

Sod that! I would love to hear all about it Bons. Colour, size, regularity, the lot!

Sod that! I would love to hear all about it Bons. Colour, size, regularity, the lot!

Welllllllllllllllll .... i often suffer with very bad cramps which mean i need a poo NOW. They are often runny and they make my bum sore. I call them 'bad poos'.

In fact, its been a long time since i had a nice, normal textured one.

I try never to go at work, but this afternoon i went for a wee, and did a wee fart ... and splattered the loo bowl. I hope noone else goes in there for a while ... but if they do i shall blame someone else for the pong :glare:

I normally go every morning after a fag and a coffee .... so think of me around 8am sat on the throne having a dump.

Is that enough info ?

Personally I would say that was too much information Bons, but I know you were under pressure from the weird one to share.:shutup:

That was lovely, Bons. Thank you for your candour.

Buzz, if you have nothing to contribute here, there's always Soapbox.

Larf.

You're very welcome, Seab. Are you not impressed?
Very impressed. I think a lot of people on the board will now try and top you. I for one will now monitor my poos more carefully and report back any spectacular movement :thumbsup:

Yes, it's official, folks. My sh!t don't stink! :smartie:

Is that just your opinion or can you provide a witness who went into the loo after you?

I poo once a day around 9am if things are going normally...however, sometimes shift work mucks up my poop cycle. :pooh:

My poo ingeneral varies in consistancy but is very, very rarely too soft or hard. Sometimes it sinks sometimes it bobs. If I have been drinking guiness it is darker than normal. I eat meat in some form most days so my poo does generally smell a bit...not gagingly bad just a bit whiffy. :mellow:

Pooting is one of lifes little pleasures...I poot a fair bit but it is rarely smelly...in fact it's only really smelly if my poop cycle is out of synch. I say that all those ads about people feeling bloated is simply because those people hold back poots....I never feel bloated because if I need to poot I darn well will! High fibre foods make you poot so I find it hard to understand why anyone would say pooting is signs of a bad diet! :blink:

Right not funny! :ranting:

I thought I needed to go, big farty feeling in my belly, went to the loo and did a big farty and thought it's going to happen and then the phone went and I was in two minds what to do cos I'd earlier rang NHS direct and they were going to get someone to call me back and they said up to 3 hours and I was thinking it can't be them cos when they say up to 3 hours they usually ring you at 2 hours 59 and this was only 90 mins.
Bla bla bla..........
I did big farty woos and no poo and when I did 1471 it was withheld number and no message and they haven't rung so it must have been them.

Mo (NA) I have been taking fibre gel, but OMG it's awful stuff to swallow. I took it morning and night for a couple of weeks and it didn't realy help.
I don't eat too many nanas and I'm not drinking at the moment, but a curry is a might fine idea :thumbsup: and I will get one tomorrow night.

Dol I am eating an orange every day and loads of water as I 'm not drinkng tea or coffee any more and the only think It made me do this afternoon after lunch was gip!

Bonsai you and your bad poos made me think of my 5 year old neice, we had all just come out of a restaurant when young molly moo said daddy I need to do a runny poo. Well we all fell about laughing, how in earth does she know its going to be runny?! :laugh:

has anyone ever taking those slimming tablets that stop you absorbing fat?
I did a few years ago and if anythng splatters the toilet bowl its them.
I stopped taking them after a couple of weeks becasue I was too terrified to go to the toilet even if I'd only eaten a really small amount of fat.
it's like the oil residue you get at the bottom of a cury dish- bright orange too. Really unpleasant, and even coca cola wouldn't shift the stains round the bog. Imagine if it isn't your toilet :bag:

I'm having pork with new potatos and cabage tonight. And an orange for desert.
Pray with me in about an hour

Dol I am eating an orange every day and loads of water as I 'm not drinkng tea or coffee any more and the only think It made me do this afternoon after lunch was gip!



you need the orange juice and hot water too Bob ... try it, it will work! do it in the correct sequence! juice, orange, warm water ..... dump!!!!

Bob ... drink orange juice, then eat an orange then drink a glass of warm water ... it will shift!

or just eat lots of strawberries or kiwi fruit, the pips push it all out!


I know you're asking how can someone with such over active bowels have such an extensive knowledge of nature's laxatives!!! the answer is i have to know what to avoid!!


Dolores,

Just had a fantastic night and I'm afreaid the beeer was very good, i feel so happy and boy am aI hungry, don't care what Mr M's cooking i'm just goin to eat it.

Nigyty nighty before i resott to wetihg ****e.

MO
NA

In Dublins fair city blahablah balah abalh abalah. :unsure:

:unsure: Mo are you in the right thread??:unsure: :ghost:

Naturally...I have been thinking about the pooting issue...

Apparently if your poots are smelly it is not a good thing...shows there is schmoo in the colon...however a good poot of the non fragrant variety is nothing to worry about it's just the body expelling the gasses that build up from eating fiberous foods...also the more meat you eat the smellier your wind!

To keep a healthy digestive system it pays to vary your diet especially if you are a meat eater and you enjoy meat. Fish is also a protein food, likewise poultry doesn't just consist of chicken.

Vegetables are a good source of fibre, but some do take longer to shift than others.

I am a meat eater, but three days a week I actually eat vegetarian meals and I have done this for the last 20 years or so.

On the subject of wind etc mine rarely smell. I feel healthy, to all intensive purposes I look healthy, and staying healthy is a major perogative of mine.

Last night was a great night, but a beer or so works wonders for the old clearance system apart from the mental state one gets into which is lively cheerful and risque. The man in my life told me this morning, I was beautiful and radiant. I am therefore healthy and happy.

The two most important things you can have in your life health and happiness and oddly enough they are both imperative to one another in equal proportion.

Maureen
Northern angel.

Bob, how's things moving?:hug:

Bob, how's things moving?:hug:

Well Andrea I tried Dol's juice, orange, warm water approach and I have to say that warm water has to be the most disgusting drink ever and made me want to vomit, but........
We had movement albeit small, definite movement and stunk the bathroom out.
I just don't get it. I am quite healthy and don't eat hardly any cake and chocolate these days.
How come my farts actually smelt of rotten cabbages :bag: (God isn't this awful- I can't belive I am admitting to this!)

I ate cabbage Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday but with other veg too.

Another thing is that I have bad breath :blush: another thing I don't get.
I wake up every morning with my mouth feeling like I've smoked 20 fags. I stopped smoking nearly six weeks ago and I clean my tongue with one of those brushes and rinse and gargle with mouth wash.

When I smoked and drank and eat whatever crap I wanted I dumped twice a day and never had bad breath.
Help me!

Bob, Mr FFA (and everyone he knew!) suffered terribly with constipation after he quit smoking.

He upped his water intake, cut out dairy and fatty foods (I think it was saturated fats that were the thing to avoid) and that seemed to do the trick.

I was on a similar diet to you one time Bob, and I ended up at A&E with fecal impaction and that was really painful.

Fibrogel is good when you are trying to prevent constipation, but try to avoid taking it whilst in a bad way otherwise you are just bulking up your bowel even more.

I read your diet Bob, and it seems you are distinctly lacking in fat, which is not good. I cannot go on a low fat diet as it causes this problem for me. This might not be the same for you, but who knows, it's worth a try. Try eating more healthy fats.

Hope that's of some help. :)

Oh Bob,

You poor thing. Greens are good for you but they need varying. French beans, sprouts, garden peas, broccolli. You really don't need them listing. All of them very tasty. Have you ever eaten mildly curried and peppered cabbage with the finest potato and onion cakes, side also of lightly fried mushrooms in butter with your steak, pork or lamb chops?

I'm cooking a rack of lamb tonight as I have guests with mint and rosemary, but the vegetables will taste very different baked and breaded.

Have you ever tried turnip, carrot and mashed potato all together with butter and browned in the oven? Another lovely combination is cabbage white or green with mashed potato and onion together with butter and again browned in the oven.

Could it be that you have developed food habits that your stomach and intestines are tired off, and maybe they need just a slight bit of tweeking. I adore cooking and variety truly is the spice of life.

A lovely and tasty vegetarian dish now and then would do you a wonder of good. Because you are a meat eater doesn't mean that you should eat meat everyday.

Maureen
Northern angel.

Hello tigger,

I'm pleased I have never suffered this. But my cousin was informed that it was not not necessarily bulk foods that caused it, it was the lack of natural oils. Sunflower oil, olive oil and omega three oils from fish. The impaction was as a result of certain fibrous foods attaching themselves to the intestinal walls, as they were taking to long to breakdown into respective bodily stored protein and waste by products. This was particularly painful to her during pregnancy.

To assist her she was prescibed a gentle laxative called lactulose a sugary starch carried in a feeder oil, after having one or two enemas. The laxative apparently works by lining the intestinal wall and softening that which is attached at the same time as easing the passing of it out. The other option which she turned down because of the apparent risks in pregnancy was colonic irrigation.

Maureen
Northern angel.

Bob, glad things are moving, even if only a little bit.

But just realised you say you've stopped smoking 6 weeks ago, that could be part of the problem as well.
Fags being a stimulant get your bowels working, so your body is probably just getting used to moving stuff without that extra nicotine induced oomph!

Andrea? What's the medical opinion on a bowl of spinach, washed down with some sparkling liver salts, finished off with some plums and ex-lax choccie sauce?

Andrea? What's the medical opinion on a bowl of spinach, washed down with some sparkling liver salts, finished off with some plums and ex-lax choccie sauce?

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

That's not very focused now is it?

I'm eating lots of home-made soup at the moment Bob - veggies and lentils. The weight is both coming off and flushing away :thumbsup:

Hello tigger,

I'm pleased I have never suffered this. But my cousin was informed that it was not not necessarily bulk foods that caused it, it was the lack of natural oils. Sunflower oil, olive oil and omega three oils from fish. The impaction was as a result of certain fibrous foods attaching themselves to the intestinal walls, as they were taking to long to breakdown into respective bodily stored protein and waste by products. This was particularly painful to her during pregnancy.

To assist her she was prescibed a gentle laxative called lactulose a sugary starch carried in a feeder oil, after having one or two enemas. The laxative apparently works by lining the intestinal wall and softening that which is attached at the same time as easing the passing of it out. The other option which she turned down because of the apparent risks in pregnancy was colonic irrigation.

Maureen
Northern angel.

I have used lactulose in the past, cos I do have IBS, but in this situation wasn't enough. I had to have an enema and some power called movicol. It worked great. :) Not sure if it's prescription only though.

Bob - if you're eating a normal diet but still get constipated I think you should see your GP. Like Bonsai's thread about her dad's problem, if you ask for advice here you'll get twenty seven different diagnoses, all of them wrong.

Bob - if you're eating a normal diet but still get constipated I think you should see your GP. Like Bonsai's thread about her dad's problem, if you ask for advice here you'll get twenty seven different diagnoses, all of them wrong.

oi! I resemble that comment!

Well Andrea I tried Dol's juice, orange, warm water approach and I have to say that warm water has to be the most disgusting drink ever and made me want to vomit, but........
We had movement albeit small, definite movement and stunk the bathroom out.

sorry Bob ... i should have said hot water as hot as you can bear to drink it.

It wont cure the underlying reason for the constipation but it will clear the constipation ... which I am sure will be a relief!

Bob - if you're eating a normal diet but still get constipated I think you should see your GP. Like Bonsai's thread about her dad's problem, if you ask for advice here you'll get twenty seven different diagnoses, all of them wrong.


Hello survivorfan,

Isn't that part of the fun of SO. You can get all of these variations on a theme? Where would we be without them?

Don't you think it's a brilliant thread, no snide comments from anyone on it, there is a bit of humour or silliness. But its great because no one is arguing instead you have all these varitations on a theme. Marvelous. Just fandabbidossi. :wub:

Maureen
Northern angel.

Hello survivorfan,

Isn't that part of the fun of SO. You can get all of these variations on a theme? Where would we be without them?

Don't you think it's a brilliant thread, no snide comments from anyone on it, there is a bit of humour or silliness. But its great because no one is arguing instead you have all these varitations on a theme. Marvelous. Just fandabbidossi. :wub:

Maureen
Northern angel.

yes, I agree, it's fantastic.

:wub: yes, I agree, it's fantastic.


Isn't it just!
I love you all

And MO, angel, you are right it is fun and I shall have fun eating my lentils (thanks Fee) and scalding my throat with boiling water (thanks Dol) and you know what, I might even be a devil a sit onthe loo while I eat and drink , non of you thought of that one now did you?
But if all else fails, I'll go see my GP (thanks SF!)

Andrea? What's the medical opinion on a bowl of spinach, washed down with some sparkling liver salts, finished off with some plums and ex-lax choccie sauce?


Hello Fee,

The pain and the cramps you can suffer with Andrews liver salts are not worth it. Better to have 3 or 4 beers after a light meal. Hops is a good natural laxative and beer is far more fun than a glass of liver salts.

Maureen
Northern angel.