Just need to let off steam here.

For the past 10 years I have been looking after MIL showering,shopping, sorting out meals etc. Her two daughters do not bother much, one as I have said before charges her mum for doing washing and a bit of cleaning and the other lives in Wales and has only visited once in the past year.

MIL is now 90 and in hospital after a fall and now is not really weight bearing.
After a lot of discussion she knows I cannot give 24 hour care and thinks it is now time to go into a nursing home. Its a hard decision to make to have to leave your home but she seemed quite determined and just wants to be looked after.

I had to make sure as the house will have to be sold to fund her care so there will be no going back. Its heartbreaking having to make these decisions but I know it is for the best. She has stayed for a two week break in a local home for respite care while we went on holiday as the daughter who lives nearby wasn't willing to take over my duties even though I did hers when she went away.

Out of the blue Wednesday night her daughter in Wales phoned and said that her and her husband had been talking and that they would come and move in with mum to save her having to leave her home and would we tell mum and see what she thinks.

Mr M and I weren't too keen on that idea as she hasn't bothered with mum and we worried about the care she may give and also was it just a means to take over the family home. Our other concern was that it would then be harder for mum if things didn't work out.

To be fair though after much discussion I had to tell mum of the offer. She wasn't at all keen and stressed that she still wanted to go in to the local home. The only problem was now she was worrying about her daughter as to whether she had financial problems, she was smart enough to see there was probably an ulterior motive.

Last night, before we had chance to tell them what mum had said, the daughter phoned to say they had changed their minds as they thought it may be too much work for them.

GRRRRRRR bluddy relatives they really pi$$ me off. I just kept thinking how awful it would have been if mum had been all for it how bad the disappointment when the offer was withdrawn. How can people be so thoughtless and insenstive.

The plus side is I am now absolutely sure she is okay with selling up, so every cloud and all that.

Maz, I cannot believe that your sister in law charged her own mother to do her chores. That is absolutely disgusting, I am really shocked at the cheek of her.

I am glad for you that your MIL wasn't too keen on the idea of her daughter moving in with her but as you say imagine if she was happy about it, and then had to be told they changed their minds.

I take my hat off to you as even though your MIL is technically family it must be very frustrating for you when her own daughters do little or nothing.

I hope you & Mr M's sake and your MIL that she will be happy in her new home, it is a tough decision to make but I think you know it is the right one.

Despite her failing health she appears to be very astute "up top" and is very clearly aware of what is going on and it is good that she has a suspicious mind where her own flesh & blood are concerned.

Hope it all works out for you! :hug:

At the end of the day you MIL is happy but it could've been different. Your sister in law was pretty thoughtless to change her mind like that. I know it was a big decison but she should've been absolutely certain before mentioning it.

I hope it all works out Maz. She's lucky she's got you!

Oh well done you Mazzer. You MIL appreciates a good person when she see's one obviously and trusts you and luckily the daughter has retracted her far to late offer, that reaks of guilt to me,.

Family's can be such horrid things can't theyl this happened to my dads sister who had looked after her MIL for years, right near the end a younger very absent brother turned up and turned them all away and the poor demented mother didn't have a clue. He wanted the house and all after she died for the care he had given her for a whole 6 months before she died - they had done it for 30 years. Its still in the courst 2 years later.

How some people sleep at night I just don't know.

Hello Cat,

I hope your Dad's sister has a good probate solicitor and that they are successful in getting the court to grant property succession rights to her. On the grounds of having been available and a sole carer. It is possible for this to happen where absence of a ralative can be read as having conceded on a legal position. I suppose the real problem here may well be a case of someone passing on and having left no last will and testament. Still cases have been solved favourably in the light of an intestate nature.

30 years compared with 6 months should be the point of deciding issue.
Even if the MIL is only one by marriage. Kinship rights in relation to the deceased is what the court will have to consider, the younger brothers absence may be considered as having conceded on his rights, as to restablish such would have taken a minimum reasonable period of two years as sole carer.

Good luck to her.

Maureen
Northern angel.