In light of Grace in BB not realising on any level whatsoever that she is a backstabbing, two faced rotter i wondered if any of us ever realise when people don't like us?

In there it must be difficult, in RL then I think the situ is very different!

A few years ago, faced with my alcoholic father joining me and sis's for Xmas dinner, I baulked and booked a flight to spain 3 weeks before Xmas and spent the week with my bessie mate and had a FAB time, back home, Dad ruined Xmas for sis's and nieces.......

Some months after I was discussing this with middle sis, and she said, but dont you think its sad that he is on his own for Xmas, how would you feel, my reply was, if I was on my own for Xmas and it wasnt through personal choice, then I would stand myself infront of the mirror and take a blummin good look at myself and ask myself why..............

So in answer to your question hun, I think that we are self aware to a point - or is that just those of us bought up with Catholic gulit :wacko: :unsure:

It's easy enough to find an example of someone we don't like who is totally unaware of their faults. The difficulty is to try and come to terms with why people don't like us.

The BB household is interesting in that so many of the housemates seem to think 'telling it like it is' is always a good and comendable trait. One of the things that separates us from animals (well most of us) is the ability not to just react to a situation, but to think it through and respond in a way that'll benefit someone other than ourselves. This often means NOT telling it like it is if we have any empathy, Calling a spade is spade isn't always the best way forward.

I think when someone doesn't like us, most of the time we have an inkling as to why, but we generally assume the fault lies with the other person not ourselves. Or we try and make the negative into a positive. A bit like the classic interview question "what are your weaknesses" - the reply rarely involves telling the interviewer about weaknesses but about strengths.

Even if we do recognise there's an issue making it difficult for someone to like us, acting on it is another matter entirely.

In a way it doesn't really matter, becasue if someone doesn't like you the chances are you won't like them and won't feel any need to change for them.

Well I'm always curious about this one. I tend to think that in some cases if your face doesn't fit, it doesn't fit and no matter what you do it will never fit.

There are times when I recognise the individual that you would hate to have in the office, in the factory, in your lecture room. We always recognise the awkward customer and it's not anything you have personally done, it's just that being an awkward customer is a character trait that is recognisable in any circumstance.

They question your decisions, put you down, fail to recognise that you may have made some relevant points, they tell you things are wrong when they know your to close for comfort.They have a tendency to view you as some kind of inferior competitor. Any expressed opinion is therefore likely to be an unbalanced criticism as opposed to being constructive. They'd ideally like you to go away even if you speak the same language, whatever - you are standing on someone's toes and they don't like you because of it.

The same principle applies when standing to close in conversation another individual might not recognise that they have taken up to much of your space and you feel imposed upon, threatened.

You could put the whole issue of whether you are likeable or not as down to whether your personality fits in.

Maureen
Northern angel.:w00t:

You could put the whole issue of whether you are likeable or not as down to whether your personality fits in.

I disagree.

Some people just are incredibly annoying and stupid, they just can't see it.

I disagree.

Some people just are incredibly annoying and stupid, they just can't see it.
Totally agree with you. I think i can be annoying as i never stop talking :bag:

I always know when someone doesn't like me; I just can never understand why. :angel:

Cos they have no taste! :-)

Jayney mack..so this thread is about the workd in general?Hee..I thought it was about SO and why newbies don't hang around long or answer and post etc.
And I really don't know why.We're great!

Does it matter?. Some ya like, some ya don't - stands to reason it'll work two ways. And wouldn't it be incredibly bland if we all felt the same about everyone!

I'm a great believer in like attracting like - I think people are naturally drawn to others who share similar beliefs/experiences/humour and so on. The trick is recognising your own 'village' - having done a fair bit of recruitment, I've come to the conclusion that folks who say (eg) 'I left Bloggs Ltd because I didn't like it, or the people' usually turn out to be prety together and sussed. Those who claim they didn't fit in, usually go on to prove exactly why they didn't!

It's a grand old life :laugh:

I disagree.

Some people just are incredibly annoying and stupid, they just can't see it.

Hello floopy,

This statement is also true, although I prefer to think in terms of either or.

On another point about not seeing it, not seeing how annoying someone can be, or how stupid, or imposing even if unintentional. But on this score we can all be a little annoying.

Many years ago, whenever I stood waiting for a bus this particular old fellow used to appear. He would start a conversation to kill the time, but he had the most infuriating way of speaking directly into your face from about 2 inches from you. After he'd done this for the third or fourth time, I mentioned it to him. He would then guard himself from coming up so close, until the next time when he'd forgotten.

This chap meant no harm it was obviously a habit he had and failed to see it as such, but boy did it bug me.

I also believe that variety is the spice of life, and that whilst it is good to recognise those of your own inclination you haven't to shut everyone else out. Opposites do attract. But if someone doesn't like you it could well be coming from your own courtyard.

Maureen
Northern angel.

I am one of those people who has always lived by the philosophy of 'Take me as I am or not at all cos I don't care either way' - it has served me well over the years...I have plenty of friends (and also a few who want to be but I don't like)...and I've saved loads of money on fashion cos I have never felt the need to follow it...I go for what is comfortable not for what will make me 'belong'.

In all honesty I do know my weaknesses and the things that would lead to people not liking me...I wear my heart on my sleve and often say things a little controvesial...I don't suffer fools lightly...I will say if I do not want to do something and I have the piggiest of stubbon streaks... but I really do not care...I am me and that is that...like it or lump it!

..if someone doesn't like you it could well be coming from your own courtyard.

Or it could just be that you're incredibly annoying and stupid, and you just can't see it.

But if someone doesn't like you it could well be coming from your own courtyard.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Cos they have no taste! :-)

Jayney mack..so this thread is about the workd in general?Hee..I thought it was about SO and why newbies don't hang around long or answer and post etc.
And I really don't know why.We're great!

lol! and so we are Aon!

it was genuinely about the world at large. I mean when Grace is sitting in the chair saying she's not two faced that she's a good person etc etc, those of us who are watching are screaming BUT YOU ARE TWO FACED!!!

now I am two faced ... unless it really needs saying to their face, but mostly it's general throw away comments that I will completely contradict myself with five minutes later by saying I like them because blah blah blah ...

but at least I KNOW I'm two faced ... Grace really doesn't see that she is.

It is always a shame when we don't know our own failings esp if they are stopping us from being better people.

I don't paticuarly mind when people don't like me in general life, I know I can be annoying and sometimes aloof, but I do get pee'd off professionally if someone doesn't like me or respect me because of my age, colouring, height, weight etc ... now that I do find shallow ... especially when there are loads of better reasons not to like me!!

... now that I do find shallow ... especially when there are loads of better reasons not to like me!!

Nope...I can't think of any reasons not to like you Dol...and beleive me I am trying hard! :huh:

I am one of those people who has always lived by the philosophy of 'Take me as I am or not at all cos I don't care either way' - it has served me well over the years...I have plenty of friends (and also a few who want to be but I don't like)...and I've saved loads of money on fashion cos I have never felt the need to follow it...I go for what is comfortable not for what will make me 'belong'.

In all honesty I do know my weaknesses and the things that would lead to people not liking me...I wear my heart on my sleve and often say things a little controvesial...I don't suffer fools lightly...I will say if I do not want to do something and I have the piggiest of stubbon streaks... but I really do not care...I am me and that is that...like it or lump it!

:applause: :applause: :applause:

What more can anyone say? Snap.

Maureen
Northern angel.:wub:

You know if I was point scoring and I'm not usually into that, having the firm belief that you should always be yourself without wandering whether you fit in or not, I would have to say I have just gone beyond proving my point via Floopy and Fee in posts 12 and 13. If I was the paranoid type, I'd say you'd both just taken a dig.

Some courtyards are very different, dentists and doctors are defensive of one another. Others if someone definitely doesn't like you for reasons not known, they'd be the first to turn the knife.

But nevermind, what the heck. Life is to short to wrangle. Time to cut some slack. I'm very pleased I don't have to keep proving myself, I have respect from those who need me, and should I want some fun occassionally, I can have a laugh or enjoy my grass stains. Which is a lot more attractive than taking a dig or two at people who I have never met and feel uninclined to meet.
:bye:

Maureen
Northern angel.

It's easy enough to find an example of someone we don't like who is totally unaware of their faults. The difficulty is to try and come to terms with why people don't like us.

Ooo, I actually think you just have to accept that it is not everyone who will like you.

The BB household is interesting in that so many of the housemates seem to think 'telling it like it is' is always a good and comendable trait. One of the things that separates us from animals (well most of us) is the ability not to just react to a situation, but to think it through and respond in a way that'll benefit someone other than ourselves. This often means NOT telling it like it is if we have any empathy, Calling a spade is spade isn't always the best way forward.

Ooo can't we just tell it like it is? The world isn't a cosy little bed of roses.

I think when someone doesn't like us, most of the time we have an inkling as to why, but we generally assume the fault lies with the other person not ourselves. Or we try and make the negative into a positive. A bit like the classic interview question "what are your weaknesses" - the reply rarely involves telling the interviewer about weaknesses but about strengths.

This is also true. But a well trained interviewer is able to read your body language, your facial expressions. Suss out whether your speech is guarded or fluent and truthful. A well trained interviewer will either like you or dislike your psyche on the spot. Your CV does not tell the whole story, your hobbies will indigate whether you are competitive, a team player or a bit of a loner.

Even if we do recognise there's an issue making it difficult for someone to like us, acting on it is another matter entirely.

In a way it doesn't really matter, becasue if someone doesn't like you the chances are you won't like them and won't feel any need to change for them.

Nox I am certainly not going to be changing my character. I am happy the way I am. I hope you are to.

Maureen
Northern angel.

I know someone who is one of those people who drives any sane person mad. They talk constantly about themselves and witter on about complete nonsense. They have an opinion on everything and feel the need to share it with everyone regardless of whether or not 1) their audience is interested in what they have to say and 2) what they are saying bears any relation to the topic in hand.

This person decided to join a club where people debated and chatted about a huge variety of things. The person carried on in their usual manner, boring everyone senseless until one by one the members of the club stopped coming along to meetings because it simply wasn’t worth the effort; the fun atmosphere that used to exist was ruined by this one bore who insisted on blarting on about themselves and boring everyone rigid.

One day that person turned up to an empty meeting room and, looking around at the empty chairs, asked “where is everyone?”

It turned out that they had a narcissistic personality disorder. See below:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Translation: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a pattern of self-centered or egotistical behaviour that shows up in thinking and behaviour in a lot of different situations and activities. People with NPD won't (or can't) change their behaviour even when it causes problems at work or when other people complain about the way they act, or when their behaviour causes a lot of emotional distress to others (or themselves? no narcissist ever admits to being distressed by their own behaviour -- they always blame other people for any problems). This pattern of self-centered or egotistical behaviour is not caused by current drug or alcohol use, head injury, acute psychotic episodes, or any other illness, but has been going on steadily at least since adolescence or early adulthood.


The problem was, the person was so totally immune to criticism that it was impossible for anyone to tell them to get help – they simply assumed that any critics were jealous of them or that those people were simply “nasty” and so continued to alienate everyone, meaning, in effect, that once they had broken up one group of people, they moved on to the next, oblivious to any damage having been done.

They never once realised the reason that people didn’t like them, or why.

The incidence of NPD is estimated at 1% in the general population, so everyone has probably had contact with at least one narcissist at some point or other. Hell, with the membership we’ve got on SO, there’s probably even one or two on here!

I know someone who is one of those people who drives any sane person mad. They talk constantly about themselves and witter on about complete nonsense. They have an opinion on everything and feel the need to share it with everyone regardless of whether or not 1) their audience is interested in what they have to say and 2) what they are saying bears any relation to the topic in hand.

This person decided to join a club where people debated and chatted about a huge variety of things. The person carried on in their usual manner, boring everyone senseless until one by one the members of the club stopped coming along to meetings because it simply wasn’t worth the effort; the fun atmosphere that used to exist was ruined by this one bore who insisted on blarting on about themselves and boring everyone rigid.

One day that person turned up to an empty meeting room and, looking around at the empty chairs, asked “where is everyone?”

It turned out that they had a narcissistic personality disorder.

:blush: Sorry everybody

^^ His hat strategically dipped below one eye, his scarf it was apricot. :laugh:

I know someone who is one of those people who drives any sane person mad. They talk constantly about themselves and witter on about complete nonsense. They have an opinion on everything and feel the need to share it with everyone regardless of whether or not 1) their audience is interested in what they have to say and 2) what they are saying bears any relation to the topic in hand.

This person decided to join a club where people debated and chatted about a huge variety of things. The person carried on in their usual manner, boring everyone senseless until one by one the members of the club stopped coming along to meetings because it simply wasn’t worth the effort; the fun atmosphere that used to exist was ruined by this one bore who insisted on blarting on about themselves and boring everyone rigid.

One day that person turned up to an empty meeting room and, looking around at the empty chairs, asked “where is everyone?”

It turned out that they had a narcissistic personality disorder. See below:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder




The problem was, the person was so totally immune to criticism that it was impossible for anyone to tell them to get help – they simply assumed that any critics were jealous of them or that those people were simply “nasty” and so continued to alienate everyone, meaning, in effect, that once they had broken up one group of people, they moved on to the next, oblivious to any damage having been done.

They never once realised the reason that people didn’t like them, or why.

The incidence of NPD is estimated at 1% in the general population, so everyone has probably had contact with at least one narcissist at some point or other. Hell, with the membership we’ve got on SO, there’s probably even one or two on here!


Oh gosh that sounds really interesting. I'd like to acquire it.

How can I catch it or is it inherited?

Is there such a thing as a wittering gene? :w00t: :laugh: :yahoo: :laugh: :applause:



Maureen
Northern angel.

I go along with Fee's theory that you find your own 'village' of peeps you are just compatible with. I have a 'village' that I adore and wouldn't give anything for. The NPD thing is something I see quite regularly floopy. It's sad when a person cannot see that they have alienated everyone and continue to alienate. I find it hard to deal with people who are are overall stupid, self-centered, shallow, and that's why I have a 'small' group of people I associate with. Some of them I can stand for just so long and others I could spend forever with. I know that people find me aloof and I have a very sarcastic and dry sense of humor that some people have to get used to or just don't like. I'm very hard to get to know b/c I've been 'burned' so many times and I have a 'self-protect' mode I go into. I do love meeting new and interesting people and love to sit some where and 'people watch', but I'm still a loner type. I can be brutally honest and highly defensive (thanks Mom and Dad), but I'm me and that's something I accept and know about me and as Coaster says "take me or leave me...":angel_not

p.s. As I've stated before, I worked with men for 8 years from right after high school until my late 20's and they say what they mean and mean what they say, and I believe they created a lot of my demeanor. I have no traffic with snidey, whiney, crap-starters. I had a girl today go behind my back on something instead of bringing it to my attention and I was so mad that I could not talk to her at the time or I would have been fired but I calmly discussed it with my boss and the girl at work will get my opinion of her actions must likely tomorrow. And she thought she (the girl) was being so nonchalante and one-upping me but I didn't fall off the pumkin truck last night.

I know someone who is one of those people who drives any sane person mad. They talk constantly about themselves and witter on about complete nonsense. They have an opinion on everything and feel the need to share it with everyone regardless of whether or not 1) their audience is interested in what they have to say and 2) what they are saying bears any relation to the topic in hand.

This person decided to join a club where people debated and chatted about a huge variety of things. The person carried on in their usual manner, boring everyone senseless until one by one the members of the club stopped coming along to meetings because it simply wasn’t worth the effort; the fun atmosphere that used to exist was ruined by this one bore who insisted on blarting on about themselves and boring everyone rigid.

One day that person turned up to an empty meeting room and, looking around at the empty chairs, asked “where is everyone?”

It turned out that they had a narcissistic personality disorder. See below:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder




The problem was, the person was so totally immune to criticism that it was impossible for anyone to tell them to get help – they simply assumed that any critics were jealous of them or that those people were simply “nasty” and so continued to alienate everyone, meaning, in effect, that once they had broken up one group of people, they moved on to the next, oblivious to any damage having been done.

They never once realised the reason that people didn’t like them, or why.

The incidence of NPD is estimated at 1% in the general population, so everyone has probably had contact with at least one narcissist at some point or other. Hell, with the membership we’ve got on SO, there’s probably even one or two on here!


Floopy,

Apart from the section highlighted in your earlier post as a diagnosis of Narcacistic behaviour.

The alienated tend to be people selected from within and without a group, but as such they would constitute being a group unless quantifiable over time.

By example those alienated and victimised in the Salem witchcraft trials were outsiders unacceptable to the main group, on grounds of unusal behaviour, women who asked to many questions or were holders of some intelligence posed a threat to male dominance, women who had failed to marry and have children were thought to be of the devil, women who had married but had lost there children in childbirth were likewise thought to be evil and guilty of infantacide, women and men who practiced natural medicine that went wrong failed to save Aunt Molly or her horse were thought to have allegiance with the devil. These people were individuals bullied by a mass seeking rough justice, elderly and alone.

So do you feel victimised, or is this a ruse?

Maureen
Northern angel

^^ His hat strategically dipped below one eye, his scarf it was apricot. :laugh:

Fee Should we sing a duet on this one? MO NA

Floops, I worked with one once. Completely Teflon-coated. Irritating and arrogant, and consequently not very good at his job.

We sacked him eventually.

Isn't Teflon the new black??:unsure:

Is it? Can't see that sticking TBH :laugh:

Is there such a thing as a wittering gene?

Yes, but thankfully you haven't passed it on yet! :laugh:

Yes, but thankfully you haven't passed it on yet! :laugh:

Hello Patsy,

You will always have a fun loving personality, I like it. :w00t:

Maureen
Northern angel.

Is it? Can't see that sticking TBH :laugh:

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so CRAZY woman. I don't think we can be in the same place together...unless we wore our Tenna pants!!:laugh:

I Love Everyone!!! at least until Haydon gets me fixed up with my log in issues!!!:cool: Have I told you I adore and worship Haydon?? I do no matter what the others say about you!!:)

Some people just are incredibly annoying and stupid, they just can't see it.

Its awareness. I was in a restaurant last night and started watching the start of the Argentine game. It wasn't that crowded, but two French guys stood right in front of me in front of the screen and I had to bend my neck around them to see the screen. Then they kept moving, and I had to keep looking around them one side, then the other, then the other.

It was ridiculous because they had many options of where to stand, and I was joking with Mr. G that they chose to stand in front of us. He didn't want to say anything, just appreciate how unaware the two guys were as an example of how we can tune out others. I know that in that sort of situation he always looks behind him to make sure he isn't blocking someone's view, and it was a nice example of how some people are so into themselves with n oconsideration of anything else more than two inches away from them.

I am guessing these two guys are not liked by a few people? And are totally unaware of it (just like they were totally unaware of me). Lesson: look around, see who's lives you are impacting.

I'd be worried if no-one ever liked me, but on the few ocassions when I've met someone who doesn't I usually know why and it generally doesn't worry me much.

There have been two ocassions though where people who I had previously liked suddenly and unexpectedly turned cold on me. Both those instances bothered me purely because I had liked the people concerned but I couldn't pinpoint the reason for their changed opinion of me.

Generally though, I'm fairly laid back and as I'm not one to stand out from the crowd I don't tend to inspire strong reactions from others. Usually people either like me, or are indifferent to me - which actually mirrors how I tend to feel about most people.