Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
>
>a) Innovative
>b) Preliminary
>c) Proliferation
>d) Cinnamon
>
>Things that are VERY difficult
>to say when you're drunk...
>
>a) Specificity
>b) British Constitution
>c) Passive-aggressive disorder
>d) Transubstantiate
>
>Things that are Absolutely Impossible to say when you're drunk...
>
>a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
>b) Nope, no more booze for me.
>c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
>d) No kebab for me, thank you.
>e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
>f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
>g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
>h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
>co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
>i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
>j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning

Blooming heck I can`t say half those things whilst sober. Will have a glass of wine or 2 and then try again

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5.WE START CRYING AND! TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

Whatever you do in life, get a copy of Larry Millers stand up act on Five Stages of Drunkenness.

You can download it off most things, limewire etc.

One of the funniest things I ever heard.

(I love the phrase where you walk out the bar after a whole nights drinking.....the sun.....God's flashlight)

Stages of drunkeness...

1-2 drinks: Burger/Pizza drunk - You just have to have a burger/Pizza!

3-5 drinks - Kebab drunk - Be honest the only time you'll eat one is while under the infuence!

6-8 drinks - Take away drunk - Too tiddled to stand and eat so get a take away to scoff on the couch at home and any left overs will do for breakfast!

8+ drinks - I can cook myself drunk - you only know you have reached this stage when you awake the following day to find egg on the kitchen walls and floor and a seemingly random tin of pilchards on the side even though you never eat pilchards and a dirty frying pan with something that resembles an egg but you discover is a canned peach (ask a certain SO member!) :drinking:

I found the larry miller routine....

http://www.datatek.net/Humor/The%20Five%20Stages%20of%20Drinking