Thors these two chaps arguein' in the Bank Top Bar in Bedlin'ton one neet. One sez te the other "Ye canna tell me nowt aboot religion, aah knaa the lot, Deutrononomy, Issiah, the Acropolis, Moses and the Bullfighters Matthew Mark Luke and John, haad the cuddy while ah get on-and ah knaa whe begat thim an aall. Ah knaa the lot!" His mate sez " Givower, ye fergit whe ye taalkin' te-ah went te skyeul wi ye man-and if ah mindye reet ye played the wag aall the time. Come te that ye played the wag from sunday Skyeul as weel. If ye kin say the Lord's Prayer without one mistake aa'll gi ye a fiver". His mate sez "yer on".

So he fastens his muffler, teks his cap off and sez "Here gans".

"Wor Fethor, which aart in Heven-erm-will ye tak this woman ter be yer aahful wedded weef an Heven help the saylors on a neet lik this, te tell the truthhh, the hole truthhh and nowt but the truthhh for iver an iver. Amen". His mate sez"By-ye astonish me hinny-here's yer fiver, ahh didna think ye knew it."



----

Aald Jontie gans doon te the hoppin's on the Toon Moor. He tries everthin'-coconut shies, one-armed bandits- the lot. He wins nowt. Just as he's comin' ower hyem he tries his hand on the darts an wins aah gowld-fish. So he gans doon to "The Balckie boy" te show it te the lads. "By that's a bonny gowld-fish Jontie" sez the barman, "Aahs been ower the Moor an' aah got it fer the wife". The barman teks a closer look "De ye say se? Why, ah must say ye made a canny swop."


----

:whistling: :beer: :phone1: ;)

In view of the tenseness on the multicultural thread and Muslims thread, I just thought I'd ring in a Geordie joke or two. I'm sure our Scottish, Wlesh, Irish and all you Londoners know some good jokes. So we can have a we laugh at ourselves now and then is a good thing.

MAUREEN
NORTHERN ANGEL.

Christ i need a phrase book.:wink_kiss

In view of the tenseness on the multicultural thread and Muslims thread, I just thought I'd ring in a Geordie joke or two. I'm sure our Scottish, Wlesh, Irish and all you Londoners know some good jokes. So we can have a we laugh at ourselves now and then is a good thing.

MAUREEN
NORTHERN ANGEL.

so the English don't actually get a category? how very un-pc, Maureen.

I'm not a Londoner or a Geordie, my mother was born in Hampshire, my father was born in Lancashire and I was brought up mainly in the Cotswolds - where's my category? huh?!

Pixillated out, Dol :w00t:

Don't let anyone pixallate you out Dolores and Fee. Apologies if you felt were given the elbow. Same goes for anyone else for that matter.

MAUREEN
NORTHERN ANGEL.

Feller waalks into the pub one neet an' orders two whiskies sups one and puts the other doon on the floor.Ivvory time he gets them in he does the same. So the barman gets curious-like. He peeps ower the coonter and heors this wee little chap aboot three inches high suppin' his whisky. "Whe's that?" he asks the feller "Oh him, that's wor Fred" sez the feller, " Him and me's just come back from Africa-Gan on Fred, tell the barman what happened when ye hoyed yer beor ower that witch-doctor."

Geordie waalks alang the corridor o' these posh offices, knocks at the door an faalls in-whey he'd hed a drop ower much. "Ish this Alcoholocs Anonymous hinny?" he sez te the young lass at the desk. "Yes-do you wish to join?" said the lass, "Nar", sez Geordie, "Ah want te resign".
:wink2:


MAUREEN
NORTHERN ANGEL

The jokes are quite good but it just takes such a long time to actually read them :surrender: