Pandora
24-01-2007, 05:03 PM
Face off
Posted on Wed 24 January, 16:35pm
http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/tvod/week1/26/1.jpg "Just to clarify, Dirk," says Big Brother, securing footage to cover its ass, "Housemates safety is paramount. Would you like the matter to be formally raised with Cleo?" "No," sighs Dirk. "It's all fine."
As CBB5's scandal looks perilously close to moving onto the bullying of Dirk Benedict, bosses are taking pains to show footage of Dirk saying things are really all OK.
Obviously, it's hardly pleasant when Cleo, a faded 80s sidekick, jumps Dirk on a sofa, channelling the vibe of BB7's Jayne Kitt before dry-humping his leg shouting: "I'm Tiara! I like my men smelly!" But no-one needs to call 999 about it. Or begin stuffing old tights with newspapers to form a lumpy effigy of Cleo. Or send any death threats.
The scandal has been contained. We're all OK. Phew. Of course, this little incident: Dirk v Cleo (Grouchy v Loopy) and it's repercussions makes me wonder yet again about the future of Big Brother at all. Where can we possibly go from here?
It's just that the whole Jade/Shilpa "nastiness as entertainment" hoo-hah has shone a great big magnifying glass on Big Brother and the sort of thing it's been getting up to for years.
Blimey, if from now on Endemol has to cover its backside in the highlights show every time bullying, backstabbing and mental cruelty takes place, the entire hour looks set to be one long diary room session full of prompted disclaimers.
Imagine if they'd had to do this last summer?
"Nikki," Big Brother might have asked, "You said on day four: 'I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. I neeeed bottled water. I neeeeed bottled water. I neeed bottled water. I am dying. I am dyyyyying! You are killing me!'
"Just to clarify, as housemates safety is paramount, you are allowed to go home if you want. There is water available. You aren't dying and none of us are killing you. Could you just clarify that please on camera as we need it for the highlights show?
"And could you do it quick, please, as we need Dawn to clarify that she's totally jolly about having her suitcase withheld and we want Shahbaz to clarify that having his clothes chucked in the swimming pool by 12 smirking people is fine by him, too."
Let's face it, every day of last summer's BB7 had me squinting at the TV going, "Hang on, is Endemol really allowed to do this? That housemate isn't right in the head. Should they really be in there? Where do we draw the line here?"
Obviously, I'd be in a better place to take the high ground if I'd got off my bum, shuffled over to the red button and switched it off.
Another dilemma Big Brother now faces comes from the rise of YouTube/Google video. The point of Big Brother is that viewers can watch the live stream supposedly 24 hours a day. For legal reasons live feed goes out with a 15-minute delay, with a team of industrious editors working round the clock to remove all sorts of bits for all sorts of reasons.
The editing process is performed by humans, which can never really be foolproof, meaning some proper clangers are bound to go out from time to time. The housemates are human beings and all human beings say dodgy things now and again.
These days - unlike in BB1 through to BB6 - the very second there's a slip-up in editing, the clip is out there in the stratosphere and believe me, within seconds, some BB addict watching live stream in a box-bedroom in Huddersfield has got it screen-grabbed, up on YouTube and linked on every BB forum in Britain and pinged all over the world.
Either we all live with the fact that at some point some housemate will say something really controversial and inflammatory (even worse than Shilpa Poppadom) and cause another huge international media incident. Or they will have to turn the live feed off all together.
(Incidentally, if you want a laugh, go to the Ofcom website and look at Broadcasting Bulletin Number 74, where it was officially recorded that during BB7 Jayne's language was so foul that all of her speech pre-watershed had to be "obscured by birdsong". Every. single. word. Fab.)
A good example of YouTube in action has been this week during Goodygate. It seems a bit of a waste of time parading Jade around every show doing weepy damage limitation when we've all seen the YouTube live stream clip assuring Jo not to worry about anything written about her as you can justify anything really and her agency will sort it out.
The one good thing coming from Goodygate is that now the race row has died down slightly, perhaps we've all learned a bit from it. It's a crazy plan, but maybe if Channel 4 is truly concerned with augmenting racial harmony and understanding they should shelve the Friday Night Project this week and put one of Shilpa Shetty's Bollywood movies on after Celebrity Big Brother instead.
Anyway, back to grumpy Dirk. I'm not too concerned about him being bullied. I think he can take care of himself. Especially against the mobile grumbling ovary that is Jo O'Meara. Jo seems outraged that Dirk is being so rude, even though he's not really being that remarkably horrible at all.
What Dirk is doing is treating Jo exactly how Jo treated Shilpa for two weeks. He doesn't say "I hate you, you witch", but every facial gesture, sigh and curt response suggests it. It drives Jo insane. It's not any fun when it's happening to her. Although it was really fun when she was being non-specifically frosty with Shilpa day in day out accompanied by Airhead and Gobby.
The more I look at Jo, the more l realise breeding puppies is her perfect vocation. I hope she has 101 of them - since it's getting colder, she'll be needing a new coat.
Dirk is still angry with Cleo and vice versa. This was made even more tragic by Cleo unveiling another one of her "friends" (ie characters) for the comedy task. Cleo got ready for three hours to create a ditzy Hollywood heiress, but didn't make Big Brother laugh once. "It's because she hasn't got a funny bone in her body," says Dirk. "Oh, she tried so hard, too! She even made fake poo to put on her shoe!" says Jermaine hopefully. We all hope it was fake poo.
As Cleo walks around in her character, which is curiously reminiscent of Kenny Everett's It's-all-done-in-the-best-possible-taste woman, she cuts a very sad figure in the house. Sometimes it feels like Cleo is suspended in time. It's as if she stopped progressing the moment her best friend Kenny died. Stopped having proper opinions. Stopped letting anyone get truly close to her. Stopped bothering to get involved in the real world, preferring to live in a floaty, sparkly land where a cocktail dress and diamond earrings will always save the day.
Sadly, a friend to everyone is a friend to no-one. It's doubtful that she can recover publicly from sitting on the fence right through Goodygate and never stepping in.
Granted, to be able to listen as well as Cleo is a real skill. When faced with someone like Jade ranting on and on and on about how magnanimous and faultless she is and how horrible Shilpa is, it's a real talent to be able to sit patiently and serenely waiting for your turn.
But when Jade had finally exhausted herself, as a much older woman Cleo should have took her hand, looked her in the eye and said, "Right, you've had your turn, now shut up and listen to me."
The fact Cleo didn't do this has put her in the same camp as Jo O'Meara. If I was Dirk, I'd be ignoring them and counting the days till hometime, too.
Send random mumblings to me on grace.dent@bbc.co.uk (grace.dent@bbc.co.uk?subject=TV OD) - I read them all (when I really should be doing my proper work).
Posted on Wed 24 January, 16:35pm
http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/tvod/week1/26/1.jpg "Just to clarify, Dirk," says Big Brother, securing footage to cover its ass, "Housemates safety is paramount. Would you like the matter to be formally raised with Cleo?" "No," sighs Dirk. "It's all fine."
As CBB5's scandal looks perilously close to moving onto the bullying of Dirk Benedict, bosses are taking pains to show footage of Dirk saying things are really all OK.
Obviously, it's hardly pleasant when Cleo, a faded 80s sidekick, jumps Dirk on a sofa, channelling the vibe of BB7's Jayne Kitt before dry-humping his leg shouting: "I'm Tiara! I like my men smelly!" But no-one needs to call 999 about it. Or begin stuffing old tights with newspapers to form a lumpy effigy of Cleo. Or send any death threats.
The scandal has been contained. We're all OK. Phew. Of course, this little incident: Dirk v Cleo (Grouchy v Loopy) and it's repercussions makes me wonder yet again about the future of Big Brother at all. Where can we possibly go from here?
It's just that the whole Jade/Shilpa "nastiness as entertainment" hoo-hah has shone a great big magnifying glass on Big Brother and the sort of thing it's been getting up to for years.
Blimey, if from now on Endemol has to cover its backside in the highlights show every time bullying, backstabbing and mental cruelty takes place, the entire hour looks set to be one long diary room session full of prompted disclaimers.
Imagine if they'd had to do this last summer?
"Nikki," Big Brother might have asked, "You said on day four: 'I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. I neeeed bottled water. I neeeeed bottled water. I neeed bottled water. I am dying. I am dyyyyying! You are killing me!'
"Just to clarify, as housemates safety is paramount, you are allowed to go home if you want. There is water available. You aren't dying and none of us are killing you. Could you just clarify that please on camera as we need it for the highlights show?
"And could you do it quick, please, as we need Dawn to clarify that she's totally jolly about having her suitcase withheld and we want Shahbaz to clarify that having his clothes chucked in the swimming pool by 12 smirking people is fine by him, too."
Let's face it, every day of last summer's BB7 had me squinting at the TV going, "Hang on, is Endemol really allowed to do this? That housemate isn't right in the head. Should they really be in there? Where do we draw the line here?"
Obviously, I'd be in a better place to take the high ground if I'd got off my bum, shuffled over to the red button and switched it off.
Another dilemma Big Brother now faces comes from the rise of YouTube/Google video. The point of Big Brother is that viewers can watch the live stream supposedly 24 hours a day. For legal reasons live feed goes out with a 15-minute delay, with a team of industrious editors working round the clock to remove all sorts of bits for all sorts of reasons.
The editing process is performed by humans, which can never really be foolproof, meaning some proper clangers are bound to go out from time to time. The housemates are human beings and all human beings say dodgy things now and again.
These days - unlike in BB1 through to BB6 - the very second there's a slip-up in editing, the clip is out there in the stratosphere and believe me, within seconds, some BB addict watching live stream in a box-bedroom in Huddersfield has got it screen-grabbed, up on YouTube and linked on every BB forum in Britain and pinged all over the world.
Either we all live with the fact that at some point some housemate will say something really controversial and inflammatory (even worse than Shilpa Poppadom) and cause another huge international media incident. Or they will have to turn the live feed off all together.
(Incidentally, if you want a laugh, go to the Ofcom website and look at Broadcasting Bulletin Number 74, where it was officially recorded that during BB7 Jayne's language was so foul that all of her speech pre-watershed had to be "obscured by birdsong". Every. single. word. Fab.)
A good example of YouTube in action has been this week during Goodygate. It seems a bit of a waste of time parading Jade around every show doing weepy damage limitation when we've all seen the YouTube live stream clip assuring Jo not to worry about anything written about her as you can justify anything really and her agency will sort it out.
The one good thing coming from Goodygate is that now the race row has died down slightly, perhaps we've all learned a bit from it. It's a crazy plan, but maybe if Channel 4 is truly concerned with augmenting racial harmony and understanding they should shelve the Friday Night Project this week and put one of Shilpa Shetty's Bollywood movies on after Celebrity Big Brother instead.
Anyway, back to grumpy Dirk. I'm not too concerned about him being bullied. I think he can take care of himself. Especially against the mobile grumbling ovary that is Jo O'Meara. Jo seems outraged that Dirk is being so rude, even though he's not really being that remarkably horrible at all.
What Dirk is doing is treating Jo exactly how Jo treated Shilpa for two weeks. He doesn't say "I hate you, you witch", but every facial gesture, sigh and curt response suggests it. It drives Jo insane. It's not any fun when it's happening to her. Although it was really fun when she was being non-specifically frosty with Shilpa day in day out accompanied by Airhead and Gobby.
The more I look at Jo, the more l realise breeding puppies is her perfect vocation. I hope she has 101 of them - since it's getting colder, she'll be needing a new coat.
Dirk is still angry with Cleo and vice versa. This was made even more tragic by Cleo unveiling another one of her "friends" (ie characters) for the comedy task. Cleo got ready for three hours to create a ditzy Hollywood heiress, but didn't make Big Brother laugh once. "It's because she hasn't got a funny bone in her body," says Dirk. "Oh, she tried so hard, too! She even made fake poo to put on her shoe!" says Jermaine hopefully. We all hope it was fake poo.
As Cleo walks around in her character, which is curiously reminiscent of Kenny Everett's It's-all-done-in-the-best-possible-taste woman, she cuts a very sad figure in the house. Sometimes it feels like Cleo is suspended in time. It's as if she stopped progressing the moment her best friend Kenny died. Stopped having proper opinions. Stopped letting anyone get truly close to her. Stopped bothering to get involved in the real world, preferring to live in a floaty, sparkly land where a cocktail dress and diamond earrings will always save the day.
Sadly, a friend to everyone is a friend to no-one. It's doubtful that she can recover publicly from sitting on the fence right through Goodygate and never stepping in.
Granted, to be able to listen as well as Cleo is a real skill. When faced with someone like Jade ranting on and on and on about how magnanimous and faultless she is and how horrible Shilpa is, it's a real talent to be able to sit patiently and serenely waiting for your turn.
But when Jade had finally exhausted herself, as a much older woman Cleo should have took her hand, looked her in the eye and said, "Right, you've had your turn, now shut up and listen to me."
The fact Cleo didn't do this has put her in the same camp as Jo O'Meara. If I was Dirk, I'd be ignoring them and counting the days till hometime, too.
Send random mumblings to me on grace.dent@bbc.co.uk (grace.dent@bbc.co.uk?subject=TV OD) - I read them all (when I really should be doing my proper work).