After reading Maz's thread about the sad passing of her mother in law and that is going to be her 4th funeral in a matter of months, have any of you thought about how you would like your funeral to be?

I don't mean to be morbid - I ask as we attended our 2nd funeral since October, both people had terminal cancer and had been given a time and they organised how they wanted their funeral to be.

The funeral we were at on Monday was very emotional but upbeat, if that comes out right. It was very sadly for one of our very close friends who was diagnosed with cancer 18 months ago. He was Mr B's school friend so you can imagine he has been upset.

At the funeral all of his favourite songs were played throughout and his wife wore bright colours as requested. There were speeches from 4 people who said wonderful, funny and truthful things about him and even the minister was quite witty. Even though it was extremely emotional and very sad, there was a lot of laughter and it just put everyone at ease.

I suppose in some way it got me thinking that if you just suddenly die, then your next of kin organises things for you. It's not something your really speak about but I haven't let Mr B know if I would prefer to be cremated or buried and what if he chooses the wrong one! I know what hymns I would like but I haven't told anyone and although you are not going to be there when you die, your funeral should be how you want it don't you think?

I have never really given these things much thought but I suppose after the death of my auntie who was only 59 and more recently of our friend who was only 46, I am going to put my wishes down for my funeral.

I'm 'morbid' as well Bella, if that's what you want to call it. I've planned everything out and have got it all written down. It will be hard enough I'm sure, without trying to figure what songs I'd like or what have you. I really got scared going through the worst part of my stomach woes and knowing it could be cancer at anytime, so that's when I went online and found some helpful info and some forms for a 'living will' and 'power of attorney' so my husband could have the decisions in writing...just in case.

As far as funerals, I had my share last May. My elderly cousin died on the 24th after me eating lunch with him, his wife, my other older cousin, and her husband on the 15th. Then just 6 days later my beloved Granny died, so right back around I had to go for her funeral. My G'Pa, her husband died on the 17th of May in 2002. The bad thing about all of it, besides the family passing on of course, is my birthday is the 10th of May:sad:

We do shy away from discussing things like this, it would make things far easier for those that are left to deal with it if we wrote down exactly what we wanted and stored it with the will.

I have yet to make a will as Mr M had a bit of a phobia about it, his father died suddenly shortly after making his. He has promised after we have sorted out his mums funeral we will go and make one.

I have no set wishes Maz, so if I go first just tell your brother that he's to do it as cheap as he can possibly get away with and play whatever music HE likes (although I suspect that I will go out to some awful country and western thing - just as well I won't hear it) :D

We do shy away from discussing things like this, it would make things far easier for those that are left to deal with it if we wrote down exactly what we wanted and stored it with the will.



You are so right Maz, and I suppose with my auntie and our friend they had to face the situation as they were told time was running out so they discussed it with their respective partners, which must be very hard for them.

My auntie was adamant that she wanted to be in a pink shroud as she definitely didn't want white as it didn't suit her! She also chose her burial spot and chose her hymns.

In some countries funerals take on a more spiritual aspect whereas here we take on a dignified, restrained approach.

Critique, you see this is why you should organise what you want! Country & Western ain't all that bad? ;) Do you think he'll choose "You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Critique (Lucille)? :ninja:

Mama Coastie and I have discussed this in the past and both agree we would like our funerals to be a celebration of life. The life we had and the life we are going on to...we are both Christians.

I would like people to wear colours but not being a flower person in life would prefer donations to a charity of my choice than blooms on the grave side...Mama Coastie loves flowers though!

A friend of ours died last year and loved the clour pink so everyone wore something pink. Her coffin was pink and all the flowers she recived were predominantly pink. It was a wonderful service and everyone was saddened at her passing and yet enjoyed celebrating her life.

I like yellow...and red!

It isn't something i have thought of too much. Just one question i have, would Mr.B and i be buried in the same plot, or do you have to request this ?

I would like us to be bured together if poss, and i suppose churches like that as it saves them room !!!

Can you also request where you would like to be buried ? We have a lovely church in our village (which is where i would go i suppose) but ideally i would love to be buried in the next village along. Their church is beautiful and historical (the roof is in history books as its part thatched, part tiled) and its on a hill so you have a good view :wink2:

I like yellow...and red!

Oooh yellow just doesn't suit my skin colour - looks like I'll be wearing red when you pass on Coastie! :wink2:

Oooh yellow just doesn't suit my skin colour - looks like I'll be wearing red when you pass on Coastie! :wink2:

that's the rpoblem I have now...I love yellow but can't really wear it so I love red (not nearly as much as yellow) which looks fab on me so i wear that allot...I would give people the choice! :laugh:

When my Mum died, my sister and I went out and bought the brightest colours in clothing we could find for her funeral, to reflect her, and the way she lived. A few old grumps looked a tad startled, but we knew it was what she would have wanted.

I never had a funeral for my hubby, he was just cremated in Singapore, then I spent 6 months organising a Memorial Service for him back here in the UK.

No flowers, I did that, over £500 worth in the church (after used on viewing to raise funds for the church), no black, though my old Gran stuck to her black! It was a bright farewell, lots of people eulogised, including our 6 year old Grandson who was fantastic. The Memorial was for friends and family to say goodbye, neither he or I are/were C of E, but they were.

Then I flew his ashes back out to the Far East and scattered them on a dive at sea as he wanted.


That's what my kids have been told to do for me, and I am quite looking forward to it!! :bag:

When my dad died, he'd had ample warning of what was to come and had asked for certain arrangements to be made for his funeral.

He wanted an announcement in the local paper that it was to be a celebration of his life and that everyone had to wear a bright splash of colour, his best mate to speak at the funeral and tell some anecdotes, he wanted Lord of the Dance as the last hymn as he felt it wasnt too sombre, he wanted no flowers as he preferred them in gardens uncut and preferred any money people wanted to give to go to Cancer Research and finally the cheapest coffin Mum could find as "its a waste of bloody good wood"......

His funeral, though obviously upsetting as we missed his huge presence so much, WAS a celebration of his life and thats how it should be. Id like mine to be the same, with everyone remembering the day not with grief and sadness but with a smile at all the memories and anecdotes.

One of the most humerous and uplifting funerals I was ever at was for Dermot Morgan [Fr. Ted] an old neighbourhood friend of ours.

It was in the local church and was jambed to the rafters, and after the mass a whole load of irish and english comedians did eulogies from the pulpit like I've never heard in a catholic church. But even the old biddies didn't raise an eyebrow at the odd 'FEK' and '****'. Dermot would have been pleased.

It was strange to see everyone laughing so hard in a church, but a great release and very moving..

NOw you see I am torn.....I always feel it is inappropraite to wear anything but black to a funeral. I am afraid I am not a person who can do the 'celebrating life' bit - I wish I could - but I can't. For me the funeral is the time to say goodbye and I can't do that joyfully. I completely understand that others can and wish I could embrace their sense of well being (can't think of another phrase).

When my mum died it was a horrible, painful time and there was just no way I could celebrate her life at the funeral - that was my time to curse and damn God and the world for taking her from me.

Aww, Buzz I can understand your frustration and anger. It is hard when someone close dies and this week I have to admit that I have struggled coming to terms with our friend's passing - he was too young to go, it just was not his time but that said he was on pills a hundred times day, having chemotherapy every 2nd week so in his death all that pain & suffering was taken away. Yes, it would have been preferable if he hadn't had the cancer but sadly he got it. I also still think of my auntie and have never been in her house since her funeral, so I still kind of think of her as still being here iyswim.

I was talking to a friend today and she was at her friend's fathers funeral last week. He was 87 but had also planned his funeral and what he wanted as he didn't want it to be left to his family as he knew they would be grieving. He had been a prisoner of war at the hands of the Nazis and had several escapes foiled by them, anyway the tunes as everyone was leaving the crematorium were the theme tunes to Dad's Army and The Great Escape. She said that everyone was leaving with a smile on their face and it was made more special by knowing that's exactly what he wanted.

My family all know what I want for my funeral, but I doubt very much they will follow my wishes. Whatever gets them through it is ok by me.

I went to a close friend's funeral recently and really wanted to wear something I thought he would like, but thought I should wear something the family would appreciate. I went with the latter, but I know he knows what I was thinking.

Funerals are horrible, horrible things and anything that can be done to help people through it is alright by me.

I couldn't care less, I'll be dead :wink_kiss

I would like to be cremated

and the song I would like to be played is Disco inferno by the Trammp's if I remember right

I've been thinking about this a lot recently as my sister in law died two weeks ago from cancer and although she really didn't want to think about dying she knew it was something that was going to happen (but far sooner than any of us expected) and she planned what she wanted to a certain extent.

She wanted no black, her favourite songs were played and her special request was that the balloons be placed at the end of each pew.
It was a celebration of her life but it was terribly emotional too and I couldn't control my tears in church at the loss of my very close friend and sister in law.
The order of service sheet had her photo on of her on her wedding day 5 months ago, looking so radiant and happy she was a stunner.
My brother decided to have her laid to rest in her wedding dress, don't know if she knew that was going to happen her lovely dress going up in smoke!
At the church my other brother and a friend read out stories about Jan's life both were full of humour and after a huge round of applause rippled the church after.
At the crem, we played "Spirit inthe sky" and this got a lot of smiles

Then outside the family gathered in a circle and we released pink baloons.

Mr Bob is also recently bereaved and that funeral was also planned as again it was cancer. This was a woodland burial and a wicker coffin.
he showed me the photos and it looks a lovely place to be buried.

Me and Mr Bob had the most bizare of concersation about death last week as I am having great difficulty in deciding about burial or cremation and we decided that it would be best all round if we could just evaporate so many days after we die, with the exception of murder victims (you need to be able to find the body)
One thing that I will never do again though is visit loved one in the chapel of rest.
I didn't find it helpful, in fact it was a bad experience for me and I don't think that when I go I want to hang around in a coffin, best they get on with what ever it is I decide on