The Banks have drawn up some guidelines for their customers to use the new Drive-through cash point machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without having to leave their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances. (ie Male or Female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE.

1. Drive up to the cash window.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw money.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE.

1. Drive up to cash window.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert card the right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find Diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Check make up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag to locate purse and place cash inside.
18. Place receipt in back of cheque book.
19. Re-check make up.
20. Drive forward 3 yards.
21. Reverse back to cash machine.
22. Retrieve card.
23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card in slot provided.
24. Give one fingered hand signal to irate male driver queuing behind.
25. Restart stalled engine and drive off.
26.Drive for 3 miles.
27. Release handbrake.

OK well that is older than the tinternetwebbythingie itself.

However, that does prompt the question


What is it women do on Petrol station forecourts?

I mean.... have you ever pulled up behind one and figured quite why it takes three days to go thro' the motions from stopping at the pump to leaving the forecourt.


And if it's a Tesco/Sainsburys express forecourt...well forget it.. they are in there for ever because they haven't figured that the petrol pump bays aren't really for those who are doing shopping but for those who want PETROL!!!!!!!!!!





{/rant over}

Don't forget, not everyone has had the internet since it began so how are they going to know if a joke's been round the block a few times?

It seems to me that it's Tesco/Sainsbury/Morrisons, etc. who have forgotten that the petrol stations are for petrol. Why do they fill the place with bread, milk and other sundries unrelated to petrol when they have a Supermarket usually a few yards away?

Careful Slipper.

Oh good - I can revive my reply :)

Revised male procedure
Position car in queue about ¼ cm behind car in front
Realise car in front is better than yours and retreat to a respectful 12in distance
Rearrange genitalia
Talk ostentatiously on mobile in the hopes that driver in front thinks you’re asking when the garage will have finished servicing your Jag.
Rearrange genitalia
Tap impatiently on steering wheel
Rearrange genitalia
Pick nose and examine the catch
Rearrange genitalia
Check nostril hair in rearview mirror
Realise queue has moved and give ‘******’ signal to driver behind as he is in a lesser car than you.
Repeat steps 3 –10 until car reaches cash machine
Lift buttocks and remove card from hip pocket
Rearrange genitalia
Place card in cash machine – NB if card is gold, or above, this must be done is such a way that the driver behind can see that you are tooled up.
Remove money and place in hip pocket with card
Rearrange genitalia
Gun car forward and rejoin main carriageway
Cast deprecating glance at woman who has skilfully braked to avoid tosser emerging from Drive-thru cash machine
Rearrange genitalia

And have you noticed that women stand sort of sideways on at pumps and concentrate on filling the tank? Men however, stand full on, pointing the nozzle like they're having a pee, falling into a 'wishful-thinking' reverie. Bless 'em.

Apologiesfor dragging up an old joke I hadn't heard it before. Loved your revised version Fee.

BTW I often see jokes on here I have heard before but I guess I am just too polite to say so.

My old school motto was Manners Maketh Man, I always thought it was a bit sexist.

My old school motto was Manners Maketh Man, I always thought it was a bit sexist.

More optomistic than sexist really.