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following on from science's thread which pandora has asked to be moved to pms. but i feel that has put an end to an interesting debate and i hate it when issues are stifled on the mb so i wanted to carry on.

i would also like to respond to bob's post because i feel it was a slight attack on my character ie. that i am singling out gays or whatever and i feel that this is wrong.

by not saying to my gay friends that they prance around like fairys is not like walking on eggshells at all. we actually have loads more to talk about and discuss other than their "fairyness". by saying that it would be like walking on eggshells all the time suggests that there is a constant tension and being friends with gays i have to say it is not like this at all. but im sure one of them wouldnt like it if i pointed out their fairyness.
Kookycat, I am a bit unclear about the focus of this thread. What are we talking about? Didnt read the other thread.
is it about being pc with gay people, Kooky? Or more about how we treat our friends who are gay? perhaps hearing other people run them down cos of their lifestyle choices and then we do nothing to stick up for them?

Sorry to be dense, but I'm a bit unclear too.

I would find this type of discussion quite interesting as recently a group I work with had a presentation by a "Gay" health care worker, he was an excellent speaker with a strong message which I think should be heard more "loudly".
I suppose I find it a bit difficult to understand this when I think of my friends. Whether they are gay or not is immaterial, we are generally friends for other reasons. I speak to them in the same way I speak to anyone else so language in itself is not an issue. Back to my original question, what is the issue?
I am assuming in this instance it's the term fairy that gets your hackles up Kooky?
I used to work with a gay barman called Larry. He was hilarious, we totally gelled. In conversation I always referred to him as Larry the Poof ... he had no problem with this and always found it amusing when other people did have a problem! (Mainly another girl we worked with who thought she was so pc about homosexuals cos, gasp, she knew one!!!). To me he was called Larry and he was a poof! they two went hand in hand, gayness was totally and utterly him. Same as I would have called him Larry the Policeman if that was the most outstanding thing about him!

Same as my black friend Coral, I could say something innoccuous about people getting a sun tan and saying they were "black as the ace of spades" ... she found it hilarious cos I said it without any agenda, it was just a phrase, the reason she found it so funny was cos she'd never heard a white person say it before!!

Some time I may sound homophobic (very slightly, if you REALLY REALLY want to take offence!) cos I refer to someone as a poof or gay or say he is effeminate or a bit of a fairy (which can equally apply to straight blokes) or she is a bit butch or whatever! But I can assure you I would never mean it in an offensive way.

And Kooky if I met you I may well wonder what part of the Orient you were from (or alternatively i may not!), but I would HATE HATE HATE you to think I meant it in anyway offensively or was trying to "pigeon hole" you.
I'd much rather people didn't feel they had to watch what they say around me. Plenty of times people have called me a woman or a ponce or whatever the choice word may be, and I take no offence whatsoever, especially since they call straight people the same things just as frequently. I do think of myself as just as masculine as any straight man. What I don't like however is people using the words puff and queer (and other words I find offensive) just as a random put-down. (i.e. calling a computer "gay" because it doesn't work properly) I wouldn't normally find the word gay offensive, it's the word I use to describe gay people, it's just annoying how it's sometimes the first insult people think of. I don't let it get to me though, I'd just prefer it if people used different words, (because they're not using them in a homophobic way- but it's just got that hint of insult about it).
I recently had a talk from a gay man and was surprised when he said he'd been spat at and had a dog turd left on his door step (both in the same week) cos he was gay ... I really thought that society had got past that out and out victimisation and discrimination ... alas no.
Dolores Wrote:I recently had a talk from a gay man and was surprised when he said he'd been spat at and had a dog turd left on his door step (both in the same week) cos he was gay ... I really thought that society had got past that out and out victimisation and discrimination ... alas no.

I thought that too but when I was worked in a hospital, it opened my eyes. Also there are recurring fears about safety for gay men in town here. Sporadic attacks. However, there are, it appears, more street attacks (not identified as gay bashing) on quite a regular basis.

I just dont like put downs at all very much. They reek of superiority.
oops sorry, i have been away for a while (work you see, want to send me here there and everywhere) so this is the first chance ive had to come back. well what it was was:

on bb, science had said something to derek about him prancing round like a fairy to which derek had taken offence. some people were saying that there was nothing wrong with saying things like that and that science was right to say it. i was taking up the stance that yes there was something wrong with it because i thought i wasnt a very nice comment to make and clearly derek did not find it funny and had taken offense. as some of you had pointed out some gays dont mind comments like that. and i was pointing out that it had been a nasty comment because it is a stereotypical remark. and i suppose it depends on the person. i used the example of myself and stereotypes. i find it highly annoying if complete strangers ask me where im from because i do not have anglo-saxon features. i find it annoying because its none of their business and why do i have to be asked personal questions because i stick out like a sore thumb? they may mean no harm in it and are genuinely interested but im of the opinion that it is rude and highlights the fact that i am different. BUT i dont mind my friends asking me personal questions because they are my friends and they would like to find out about me. also i do not mind them making jokes about me because i know they mean no harm in it and i certainly dont mind people if they say chinky or chink as long as it wasnt meant in a nasty manner. so the point was, fairy or not fairy, science's comment was made in a derogatory manner and was wrong.

in short: do you think it is ok to make stereotypical comments?
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