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A very good friend of mine has been calling me very distraught about her relationship. She's been with him for about 4 years and is worried that he no longer loves her. She says he never shows her affection anymore and she feels she would not be able to live without him. He told her there is a future for them but he would like them just to focus on themselves for a while...

I gave her advice like just believe him and that he loves you. Try to be understanding toward him etc etc...


Last night they came over and my husband went to the shop with her partner. They ended up sitting in the car for about 1/2 an hour talking. She was deeply concerned about them, I did my best to calm her and convince her nothing was wrong and she may be paranoid...

As it turns out, he confided in my husband and said that he doesn't feel that he loves her anymore. He loves her but is not "in love with her". He's been getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex recently and has only ever slept with his girlfriend. He feels he may be missing out and that if he stays with her he will never experience what it is like to sleep with or love anybody else. He is too scared to break it off with her because he is afraid of hurting her. He has not cheated on her but has come close and been very tempted.

I was rather surprised about this but, in a way not because recently he has been out clubbing with his single mates every friday night (no girlfriend in tow). Don't get me wrong- time apart is good, but I don't think every friday night at a club is that great because most people are out there to flirt and find a partner.

Now Im in a predicament, I can't tell her about this and what he said because it will make my husband look untrustworthy and really hurt her. I can't however try convince her that everything is ok. This isn't helped by the fact that Im a terrible liar and she calls me nearly every day!

What on earth should I do? :sad:
well, my personal opinion is def. not tell her yourself, let him do it on his own terms. But, have you tried convincing her to talk to him about it? I mean, it sounds like they have talked some and he is lying to her about his true feelings, but maybe if she really pushes the subject he may eventually tell her the truth.

And you might want to tell her that if things don't work out between them that you'll be there to help, that it's perfectly okay to be single, and that there are other romantic opportunities out there in the future. I personally think having a support system is the most important thing in those types of situations, and you continuing to show your support like you have been might help her confront and deal with the issue better.

Also, does she go out much with her friends? Maybe tell her to spend some nights out on the town with her friends..
Thanks Islandman,

She has spoken to him, and is very frustrated because her gut instinct is telling her that he does not feel the same, and I think that his telling her that he does see a future for them is only because she pressured him. It is weird to hear things from his side via my husband. I feel really silly now because I trusted him too in a way and convinced her to trust him.

I will have to keep quiet but even whilst today speaking to her, it is so hard to lie.
I don't envy you Claire, that's an awkward situation to be in.

Would it be possible for your husband to talk to your friend as he is the one with the first hand information. Although it sounds like your friend already knows how her partner feels but she's trying to believe it's not true.

Ultimately, only you can decide whether you should say anything or not. You must have some idea of how she'd react and whether you'd make the situation better or worse in the short run and the long run. Good luck
My friend called me yesterday to say he has been so nice and affectionate to her and has asked her out for lunch etc (kind of starting again I think)...

My husband told me that he advised him to make up his mind either to stay with her or leave her and if he stuck at it at making a go of it, he would find that those 'feelings' returned.

Well Im very happy about this, but still worried it seems her happiness depends on him.

ils

I'm glad to hear it is working out for your friend Claire. She is very lucky to have a friend that cares so much.
The ball is definitely in your husband's court - I think you need to get him to stress to the other guy (without going in to details) that your friend is really upset and would appreciate honesty.

I think it's unlikely the marriage will last under these circumstances. The trouble with only having one sexual partner is that it DOES lead you to wonder whether you're missing out. It sounds as though the husband is getting pretty close to cracking.

All you can do is just advise her to go to Relate with him - but the trouble is, nothing can make up for the taste of new flesh so it sounds very unpromising sadly.
Hi, I agree, by the way they are not married (fortunately)... they have been together for around 4 years though.
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