Instalment 1
Instalment 2
Instalment 3
Instalment 4
Day 5

The Official Unofficial - Marooned! 'Helang Diarist'
by Hmmm - 'One who was there.'

Day 4: James happy this morning. He's found a conch - now he keeps carving the name 'Jack was here' everywhere. He's not dribbling anymore, for which we're grateful, I'm just not sure about the dead rat he's got tied to the top of his head.

Charlotte and Adrian are getting on really well. I asked them what they were doing in the jungle so much and they said 'Playing Twister' and ran off giggling, I don't get it.

Jayne has been fretting about her son, he's called Worcester or Axminster or some such. 'Well respected' Andy comforted her saying he was lucky to have her as his mum. Jayne, cheered up by this went and helped Simon with some 'pelvic floor' exercises. This caused quite a stir as Simon ended up hopping around the beech with his left leg wrapped round his head. After about 2 hours, and the use of a crow bar, he was released much to his relief, which is more than can be said for his bowels, rendering the whole thing a waste of time. Still, it gave us a laugh.

The afternoon brought two disturbing matters. Firstly, the spade and machete have disappeared. Now, I am not one to point fingers, but James was sharpening the machete and looking at JJ in a 'Sweeny Todd' type of way earlier today. It is difficult to question a man with a rat on his head. The rat is starting to smell too. The second disturbance was when Charlotte and Adrian returned from another game of Twister. Charlotte declared seeing a 'crow like creature' clothed in black. Adrian said 'it had a chimps head'. JJ, who for some reason, had been following them, said 'It was carrying a bag of rice'. We were all quite upset at this news. When Capt. Austin returned we told him. He just laughed and said it was a member of the Oo La La tribe. Adrian thought this meant there was a travelling troop of Parisian Nymphet Dancers. Charlotte got huffy, asked Andy if he would like to play Twister. Andy very nobly, I thought, fended her off with a barge pole. She went back to the woods with Adrian. Apparently, what I took to be the crew jumping ship on Day 1 was actually the Oo La La tribe. We meet tomorrow.

Evening. Tribal Council. JJ was told to leave by Capt. Austin. After putting out her torch, Andy said 'Wallop.' JJ said 'Respect.' They exchanged high fives (which I took to be an RAF tradition) and the Big Girl (did I tell you she was big? BIG.) walked out into the night. Several of us shed a tear as any normal one would.

Later that night, round the fire, we heard that JJ had never made it to the boat, she'd simply disappeared. James was picking his teeth with a toothpick.

By Hmmm - 'One who was there.'

Day 5 ....