Can anyone beat Andy at the log stand? Which tribe will gain dominance?
Will that poor chicken escape the evil clutches of Bridget?? It's
now Day 18, and that chicken is causing a stir amongst the tribe
members. Drew wishes that the chicken be killed away from the others,
so as not to 'distress' them. A wee bit daft and sappy maybe, but
I do actually agree. Of course, the evil queen of the slaughter
herself, Bridget, has no desire to move, but Drew's constant moaning
does the trick and she agrees to go away from the other two birds.
It was probably the brandishing of the teeth that did it. Some people
have a smile that will make anyone fall in love with them, Drew
however, has a smile that will scare the living daylights out of
everyone. However, we aren't here to discuss teeth (mores the pity,
as up until now this series has been relatively boring).
Sunshine has finally hit the islands of Bocas Del Toro, and for
once the whole place does look rather beautiful. We get to see some
nice sweeping shots of Isla Popa, and the coral reefs come into
view as well. Unfortunately, the rather morbid looking lot that
is Columbus hasn't quite been able to match the island's new found
beauty. The woman with the moustache, Susannah, manages to find
a rather odd way of working her way into the hearts of the tribe.
She's letting Columbus use her beloved 'The Complete Works Of Shakespeare'
book, for wiping their arses with. "I don't want to look all Intellectual
or Precious" she quips. Don't worry love, we haven't seen any signs
of such. The whole of idea of using something that belongs to Susannah
as a form of cleansing one's #### is quite a connotation really.
Her game, and a lot of the others is reflected in that one metaphor.
I wonder if that ever becomes a thinking point when anyone puts
her book to use. The mind boggles.
The tribe take a trip to the nearby creek, and the boys enjoy a
'bonding session' washing each others hair. You can just imagine
the off camera scenes..(in a deeply camp voice) "My Gosh Jonny,
this hair of your is absolutely impossible" (camp off). Poor Tayfun,
look at what he's missing out on. Fortunately though, no-one has
forgotten that this is a game, and the bitching and scheming becomes
more and more rife every 5 minutes. South, and in particularly,
Susannah pay particular attention to Alistair. They single him out
as the being the leader of North, saying they couldn't last with
out him. Alistair himself, is obviously feeling a bit aloof, as
he seems content just to sit in the shelter all day and do very
little. This is however, catching the eye of the other contestants.
Reward Challenge time, but evidently not one that ITV seem to be
very proud of as they spent just over a minute covering before the
winner emerges. They had to play an obscure game of noughts and
crosses involving spears for some reason, and by the looks of it,
I wasn't the only one who didn't understand the rules. Nevertheless,
Drew emerges winner for the second challenge in a row, and claims
her reward of two plates, a sleeping bag, cutlery and what she thinks
is a tin of peaches. Back at Isla Popa, the slaughtered chicken,
with a condom over it's head (They're very imaginative when it comes
to using condoms) is ready to be skinned and cooked. After another
sexual remark from Bridget about condoms, something no-one wants
to hear, she is preparing to cook the fowl when is interrupted to
by Drew, who appears to be the ambassador to chickens on Survivor
Panama. This time she suggests if they are going to kill it they
may as well eat all parts of the chicken, even the carcass. Once
again, queen of slaughter Bridget gets very irritated by these remarks,
and refuses saying she doesn't want to risk Salmonella, and that
she's rather starve to death. Not the smartest of all comments,
but we'll let her off. The 'professionals' are concerned that Bridget
is drawing far too much attention to herself and stands the risk
of being voted off, therefore making the rest of South a target.
John suggests to her that she keep quiet (hoorah) and bite her tongue
until after the Tribal Council. Furthermore, they recommend that
she should make amends to the Northerners by apologizing to them.
This boy's got a career in diplomacy ahead of him.
Day 19 dawns on Bocas Del Toro, and everyone is being very suspicious.
Bridget swallows her pride and apologises to Helen for being so
nasty, saying she is just missing home. Helen takes this ceremonial
attempt at reconciliation well, and then drones on about how to
beat homesickness, much the evident boredom of Bridget, who sits
there frustrated and angry. Alistair is once again playing Mr. Lethargic.
Everyone seems to have realised that he is saving his strength for
the up an coming Immunity Challenge, the log stand. The Log Challenge
is here. The rules are simple, stand on the log the longest. Last
year's log challenge was strangely captivating, and a new record
was set when Andy + Richard both stood on the log for 23 hours.
The survivors now want to go all out to beat that record. Actually
getting on seems to be the difficult task, but all eventually achieve
just that. 30 minutes later, Alistair decides to put on a T-Shirt,
shaking the log, which see Dave fall into the see. But good old
Dave takes one look at what's on offer for the losers (a meal and
a beer), and his frustration soon subsides. Drew follows suit 40
minutes after, although she gently gets off herself. 5 hours pass,
and they all seem very stable on the log. Bridget then takes it
upon herself to start dancing which nearly causes the lot of them
to fall off. Not long after though, her and Helen decide to climb
off and retrieve their meal, but not before Bridget infuriates the
others by saying "I don't need to stay on anyway, I'm not a target
for voting" (one of the funniest quotes of the series in my opinion).
She then adds insult to injury by saying the exact same thing to
Mark Nicholas, but still in earshot of the others. South are particularly
annoyed by her remarks, questioning why the weaker members of the
tribe should be able to avoid deportation, while the stronger people
are prime targets. "She's going to get it" says Jonny, and Susannah
concurs, adding that she'd be gutted if Bridget won. And now for
a British Television premiere, wait for it..... being able to watch
someone ####, whilst standing on a log. Susannah is the only who
commits the deed (this is the same Susannah who earlier remarked
that she would not be going to the toilet on the log, because she
doesn't like the idea of a group being able her watch her do it.
Don't worry dear, it's not just a group that's seen you, a further
5 million have now watched you urinate on TV). It's a whole new,
slightly pornographic Survivor. ITV really are getting desperate.
It's 11.30pm and they've now been on for 9 hours. The stupid buggers
look more determined than ever to break the record and win Immunity
for themselves. More power to them I say, but you wouldn't catch
me on a log for 9 hours. Still, that's exactly what they're doing,
and the conversation turns from subject to subject in a bid to make
the task a wee bit more endurable.
The four that remain are now talking about how they will be portrayed
on TV. "John: smaller than the average woman" "Susannah: Pees standing
up" "Alistair: he's got huge feet and a wee knob" "Bridget: she's
so boring" The last comment is obviously almost too much for John
who very nearly falls off in amusement. It wasn't that funny. Night
passes (although not quick enough for John) and dawn is breaking
on the Panamanian horizion. 6.30am, and Susannah decides she's had
enough and head's off to collect her meal. There's no-one there
of course as they're all asleep, so presumably she walks off despondently
to camp. She has however set the record for longest female competitor
on the log challenge in ANY Survivor series around the world with
17 hours. Not bad really. Not bad at all.
The conversation turns more tactical, and everyone has obviously
had their fill of the challenge and begin to discuss an agreement
for Immunity. Alistair promises to the South Island boys that no-one
would vote for them, if no-one voted for him. They also agree to
draw their 'factions' attention towards the weaker members of Columbus
as Bridget's comments last night obviously got them very fired up.
John is now regailing the other two with stories from his marine
days (when exactly did this information become 'public'?, didn't
ITV make a big deal out of John and Alistair hiding their forces
history from their respective tribe). Apparently Prince Phillip
was doing a sort of parade for the strongest marines, and would
walk past each person in turn and ask them a question. When he got
to John, he merely turned around and asked 'Isn't there a height
limit in the marines?'. After a conversation about erections (how
the #### did that come about?), there is more negotiations, and
after 24 hours, John and Alistair agree to jump off the log, handing
Immunity to Jonny. The three come in for their meal and beer with
Mark II and head back to camp. At Isla Popa once the boys arrive
back, plans for Tribal Council begin almost straight away. Alistair,
still incensed about Bridget's comments, arranges with North that
they will try and vote her out. John and Jonny arrange to boot out
Helen with Bridget and Susannah. It's now time for Tribal Council,
and time to see who will get the boot and which tribe will gain
dominance.
This is the first really exciting Tribal Council of the game, and
thankfully, it's not unanimous this time. The tribes vote, and perhaps
unsurprisingly, it's a tie. Now, had they decided not to scrap previous
votes, Bridget would have been eliminated at this point, but ITV
have decided it is for the best to get rid of the previous vote
system for some reason. So now, they two survivors facing the chop
have to put forward a case to the other six for their further participation
in the game, and then the others will vote again. Much like Helang's
first Tribal Council last year with JJ and Uzma tieing. Bridget
is up first. “know my qualities… I may not have shown them recently,
but I have shown a fair amount of my abilities. I am a genuine person,
I have tried to be honest.” And Helen: “I don’t think what I’m going
to say… is going to change anyone’s mind. North Tribe: you’ve seen
me, know what I’m like, I have no airs and graces, I am me. All
I ask is when you re-vote, consider which person you’d really like
and whether you see me as that person.” And so the others vote again.
And the speeches fail to make an impact, and it's 3 a piece (South
all voted for Helen and North all voted for Bridget in both votes).
A quiz will now determine the fate of Bridget and Helen. It's Sudden
Death, first person to give a wrong answer becomes the first member
of the jury. Question 1. Lumberman, star and tepee are all types
of what? Helen answers ‘shelter’ and Bridget answers ‘tent’. They
were both wrong; the correct answer was in fact ‘fires’. Question
2. How might bark from the quinine tree help you here in Panama?
Helen answers that it stops itching, Bridget answers that it helps
against malaria. Bridget’s is the correct answer. “Bridget has triumphed”
Mark says.
Helen is Tribal Council’s latest victim. She leaves with a smile,
and wishes everyone good luck. Next Episode: The survivors play
with Spiders, Bridget is injured (hoorah) and someone threatens
to sabotage the food if they aren't voted out (hoorah)
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